Do you remember the days when going to a street festival involved a pleasant day of strolling amongst stalls, looking at antique bits and bobs, a delicious al fresco meal, washed down with ten pints of lager? I’m afraid I do. Which was why, when my friend Kira suggested we go to the Fell’s Point Festival last Sunday, I thought, yes, that would be lovely. A nice relaxing day on the Harbor. What heaven. What bliss.
I put on my best top. The one without any snot wiped on it. I was sassy, I was relaxed, I was going to walk around among the funky little stalls and not give a damn that I was the only one over thirty, who didn’t have a washboard stomach and tattoos and piercings and a waist the size of my wrist. And I think I would have got away with looking quite cool too, only there was one problem. Well, three really. We brought the kids. Scarlett, Sausage and Kira’s son T. who is three.
Firstly, because I hate driving, we crammed the three car seats into the back of my sedan. Then we drove to the festival accompanied by the radio and the kids doing an ear piercing rendition of Super Freak:
"That girl is pretty kinky!
The girl's a super freak!
I really love to taste her!
Every time we meet!"
Hmm, let's just hope they don't repeat those lyrics at pre-school.
Anyway, we eventually arrived at the venue and paid ten dollars for parking. I had a splitting headache and wanted to just lie down under a tree.
After that it was just averting one problem after another:
1. Getting the kids to stop climbing trees overhanging the filthy black oily water.
2. Telling the kids they couldn't go for a ride on a boat because neither mommy was going to fish them out of the filthy black oily water if they fell in.
3. Going to Kira's friend's stall who makes funny hats and having a near miss when Scarlett and Sausage nearly poured bright blue ice cream all over her funny hats.
4. Telling Scarlett it was all right to model a hat but not to put her sticky, ice creamy fingers all over it.
5. Finding a place that sold ice cream without milk for T. who is lactose intolerant. Eventually we settled on a snow cone.
6. Stopping the kids from running upstairs in a tattoo parlor where someone was being tattooed, possibly somewhere indecent.
7. Trying to stop T. from being frightened of a pantomime horse that was running rampant.
8. Trying to stop Sausage from peeing on the ground among a crowd of three thousand people.
9. Finally going to Super Fresh for food and trying to stop the kids ramming the shopping cart into the backsides of the shoppers.
What happened to the al fresco meal? The lager or the nice relaxing day out? It certainly didn't happen. But in a funny sort of way, it was a fun day out.
What event did you recently attend with kids that wasn't quite the same as you remembered?
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