Like Bono, I do a lot of charity work, but I don't like to talk about it. Actually, I don't do any charity work, but unlike Bono, I did not, once Ireland declared that artists had to pay a bit of tax on their income, move all my assets offshore, while at the same time preaching a crock of crap about helping the poor and curing AIDS by handing out free U2 CDs. The fecker.
But I digress...I did actually do a bit of good in the world the other day. I met this bloke, Cosmic Shambles, at the Blogger Happy Hour last week. He was having a few problems. On his blog he was worrying himself to shreds about the fact that he was dating some woman he liked too much to have sex with. He kept batting away her sexual advances, because she said having sex with him would be no big deal, while he wanted it to be deep and meaningful.
With my typical directness I got straight to the heart of the problem:
"Why do you even care," I wrote on his blog, "if the first time is a mindless fuck? After that it might become meaningful, it might not. You have to just dive in and take whatever crap comes flying your way. You can intellectualize it to death but it won't help. You know it."
And you know what, he actually thought my advice was good! I actually helped him out! All of which makes me think that maybe I've got a God given gift for solving problems. Not my own, obviously, but other people's.
So if you have a problem, please send it in and I'll set your world to rights. If you have problems that deal with sexual dysfunction, however, it might be best to keep your name anonymous, or I might be tempted to rip the piss out of you. Address all correspondence to Auntie Emma.
i love bloglovin' link-up #10
19 minutes ago