Okay folks, this is my last word on orgasms, honest. Lennon and McCartney knew the power of orgasms to change the world and bring peace to everyone when they wrote that line. And now it's time to put that sentiment into action. As usual, I have my finger on the pulse of the cosmos, and am here to inform you that Friday, the 22 December is Global Orgasm Day.
No, I've not been smoking crack. This is an official day. A day when you should, nay, must wank.
Now, I know there are some of you out there who will be saying, I'm happy to do it, but what would I be wanking for?
A: Because the collective energy released by this Synchronized Global Orgasm will bring about world peace.
I'm not kidding. I want every one of you to make a solemn promise to wank for peace.
Q: But why should we wank?
A: Let me tell you why. The future of humanity hangs in the balance, so get your goddamn hand lotion out and your dildos and porn mags and blow up dolls and whatever the fuck else you need and get on with it.
This is a very serious business, and the mission of this Global Orgasm Offensive is 'to effect change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible surge of human energy. Now that there are two more US fleets heading for the Persian Gulf with anti-submarine equipment that can only be for use against Iran, the time to change Earth’s energy is NOW!
The intent is that the participants concentrate any thoughts during and after orgasm on peace. The combination of high-energy orgasmic energy combined with mindful intention may have a much greater effect than previous mass meditations and prayers.
The goal is to add so much concentrated and high-energy positive input into the energy field of the Earth that it will reduce the current dangerous levels of aggression and violence throughout the world.'
Got it? Okay, so let's do it. This Friday let's think peaceful thoughts while we stimulate ourselves to release wave upon wave of cosmic energy.
One thing that's bothering me in all this, what do the sado-mascochists do who need to think about giving/receiving pain in order to achieve orgasm? Is their cosmic energy going to have a negative charge? Going off to look into this.
Who am I? Displaced Londoner now living in the States with my two little girlies and long suffering husband. Co-author of hilarious parenting book Cocktails at Naptime www.cocktailsatnaptime.com
My mom's an Austrian, my dad's a Brit, which makes me a Britaustrian, or possibly an Austrish?