The E-Spot - Coming Right Atcha

Your questions are coming in to my in box hot and fast, and I feel that I need to give some urgent help to those of you in need, so here goes.

To come or not to come, that is the question

Firstly, a cheeky bugger called Lambent, who has already called me cheap because if I did wax my nether regions I said I would do it myself, now goes on to insult me further by asking me why I feel I am qualified to answer sex questions. I'd punch him if I hadn't enjoyed his last blog so much...there's a new one too, so check it out. Anyway, here's his rude letter:

Dear Emma,

I have spent most of my adult life sleeping around like a complete dog. Despite my enormous knowledge of the opposite sex, I feel I would be crap at giving other men/women advice about it. Can you please let us know what qualities you have that you feel qualify you to give us all advice of a sexual nature? Have you been a complete dog too?

My first real question to you:

Is it important for me to tell a woman when I'm about to come whilst she is giving me a blow job? I have found that when I do tell them, it puts me off and I end up not coming at all.

What I mean is, if it's someone I don't know giving me a BJ, I'm obviously not going to ask them beforehand if I can come in their mouth, it would be too forward. Is it OK to just let loose in her mouth with no warning? I know some women hate it.

Many thanks,

Let A Mouthful Be Entertaining, Not Troublesome


Dear Lambent,

In answer to your question about what makes me qualified to answer sex questions, the answer is, nothing. Do you think Dr Phil knows jack about fuck, or any of those other tossers, Dr Ruth etc? Course not. How many people, quite honestly, do you think Dr Ruth has slept with? Exactly.

Am I a dog, you ask? Well, while you sound like you're more of a Great Dane on the shagging front, I'm probably more of a Golden Retriever, by which I mean, yeah, I have slept around a fair bit, but actually I'm not sure casual sex really qualifies one to know much, because it is usually a short lived affair and quite frankly, do either of you really give a monkey's about the other's pleasure, as long as you get off yourself?

My real objective to writing the column is, I suppose, to just tell it like it is. People always pretend sex is fantastic, but often it isn't. And then when you have a relationship with someone, it's good for about eight months and then it becomes boring. So, in any case, I'm going to share my knowledge, for what it's worth.

Now as to your blow job question, I think it is a bit silly just telling her at the last minute "I'm going to come," and hoping she doesn't mind a mouthful of sperm. Whether most women hate it when you come in their mouths, I have no idea, but quite frankly, if the woman does hate it then it is her responsibility to tell you beforehand. I think you do need to have a bit of a talk about this before you get down to it. Say, "I know some women hate having a man come in their mouth, do you?" and she'll say yes or no. Sorted.

I wouldn't worry about it so much!

Emma

I need it so freakin bad

Dear Emma,

My husband and I have a wonderful sex life. He's very generous in bed, he has all the right moves and he always has my pleasure in mind. I really am very lucky. However, sometimes I feel like I want to have more sex than my husband wants to have sex. I wish we could move up our 2 to 3 times a week to more like 4, 5 or even 6 times a week. It seems like it's a time factor: usually when we make love, we spend a lot of time and effort on it. So, when we're busy or tired, why can't we just go for a quickie? I've tried to talk to him about this but it's going nowhere, mainly because I don't want to damage his male ego. From his responses, when we talk about this, I get the feeling it would totally damage his male ego to know I think my sex drive is higher than his. It seems to be OK if my sex drive is the same if his but not any higher than his sex drive. I've also tried initiating more sex, but after getting turned down a few times I find myself hesitating for fear of rejection.

So, how do I bring up this subject without slamming his manhood? I could never tell him that I think my sex drive is higher, this is one of my deepest, darkest secrets.

Sex Queen


Dear Sex Queen,

I'm envious. My sex drive has never been higher than my partner's, but I suppose I asked for that, because they have mostly been pretty young, mid/late twenties max. But oh my God, I hear you, I hear your pain.

My sex drive may not be as high as yours, but I am impatient. If I am feeling horny during the day, rather than waiting for my husband to screw me in the evening, I do wank off. Sometimes this will mean I won't care if I don't have sex with my husband in the evening because I have already satisfied myself to some extent. But the thing is, not only does he not like that I've been masturbating during the day, but also the fact that he won't be getting any. But my point is this, why not dress it up like this to your husband: "Sometimes when I fantasize about you during the day, I get so hot that I just can't help myself and find myself masturbating. I can't help it that I find you so hot. And when I've come, all I can think is, that was not as good as how sex is with you, and I wish I had waited until you came home and really gave me a much deeper orgasm, and also it is so much more fun being in bed with you than in bed with just my vibrator." What I am getting at is, don't even mention the concept that you have a higher sex drive. Just go at it like, I am so horny for you, I just can't help myself, that I am reduced to playing with myself. You have to make him feel like he is the only man for you in the whole world (maybe he is), and maybe send him really dirty emails during the day about how horny you are feeling - without asking him, or rather making demands like: "When you come home I really want you to fuck me so hard." Because then he will feel pressurized, and that is no good for his ego.

Some men don't mind if the woman usually initiates (I do about 99% of the time), but maybe your guy is one who wants to be the initiator. So you need to somehow manipulate him into thinking he is the one who wants this extra sex and not you. And the way to achieve that is through dirty emails, phonecalls etc. Try that?

Emma

Okay now, send your sex and relationship problems to emma.theespot@gmail.com and I promise to sort you out next week (you can remain anonymous if you wish).