Turn off, tune out

Imagine there's no heaven, It's easy if you try, No hell below us, Above us only sky, Imagine all the people, Living for today...

Wierd. Those lines just came to me, maybe I'm a genius, or no, maybe I'm just seriously out of it. Where was I? Actually, what I wanted to say was...imagine a day, yes, one whole day, without using a computer.

Terrifying, isn't it?

Well, um, no, not for most people it isn't. But some misguided individuals have made a day for this express purpose. Yes, mark your calenders, Shut Down Day is coming on March 24th.

Yes, it's another one of those days that are meant to prove something about people being too into computers, or something. Actually the video for it (below) is quite funny. It's got people using laptops for something other than the main four uses: downloading porn, pretending to be a fourteen year old on MySpace when you're actually a 65 year old man, putting horrible photos of your cats up on your website and sending sexually harassing emails to women in accounts about how their VPLs are really turning you on.

And amazingly, the guy who slides down that banister, did not, apparently, twist his nuts in the process:



Now, maybe I'm missing something. I'm as into the Internet as much as the next saddo, but one day, one flipping day of going without? Is this what the world has come to? The site also asks what else people are planning to do on that day instead of using the computer.

Well, I, for one am at a loss. I imagine I will just sit in a chair and stare at it for 24 hours, just stroking the blank screen.

Admittedly, if you asked me to go cold turkey for a week, well, that would be another matter. I'd be frothing at the mouth, chomping at the bit, weeping and plucking out handfuls of hair. Not that I'm addicted or anything...

Frankly, it's time to say, enough is enough. Anyone can go without a flipping computer for 24 hours. Let's start some really tough go without days. I think these would really separate the winners from the losers amongst you:

1. Go without Clothes Day - see if you can go to work, shopping, drop the kids off to school, without wearing a stitch. And not get arrested. Now there's a challenge.

2. Go without Eating Day. I say this is impossible unless you are Nicole Ritchie.

3. Don't go to the Toilet Day. I don't think anyone could manage this. Could you?

4. Don't Masturbate to Internet Porn Day. Show me one man who can do this and I'll show you...a liar.

5. Switch off your Kettle Day. Ever made Ramen Noodles with warm tap water? This is a challenge only the toughest nuts amongst you have a hope of surviving.

6. Go to Work and don't make any Personal Calls/Surf the Internet Day. Totally impossible, IMHO.

7. Live with a Porn Star and Don't Shag Him/Her Day. A Porn star is staying with you, in your bed. Your challenge, not to sleep with Him/Her. Go on, if you think you're hard enough. And no jacking off either!

8. Talk to an Old Person All Day Day. Yeah, we all say we like old people. They're so wise, aren't they? But ever spent more than an hour with a really old person and actually done more than nod in their general direction? Ever listened to the same tales of making cheese sauce out of mouse turds or bras out of parachutes during the War, for a twenty-four hour period? No way anyone would survive this without a total nervous breakdown.

Any other days you think would present a real challenge?