Monday, April 02, 2007

If you go down to the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise

I was walking in the woods yesterday, minding my own business, when I did come across some very tall ladies taking tea. They were mighty fine ladies, having been whisked into this century, or so it did seem, from some time in the past, with their puffed sleeves and upswept hairdos. Quite breathtaking, they were. And how clever they were, too, to have all these little men in red hats running around doing their bidding. The ladies just had to jangle their bells and the little men would jump into action.



These dwarves were forever gardening and making cupcakes and brewing tea and generally scurrying about making themselves useful. It fair made my heart sing, seeing their little community so happily going about its business. Ah yes, thought I, what an upstanding place our planet would be if the men of this world took their rightful place and lived only to serve women, as did these dwarves, instead of wasting time in games of combat, in the growing of huge thumbs manipulating Xbox Controllers, in the viewing of Internet pornography, and in the displaying of masculinity through the remodeling of bathrooms, the visiting of strip clubs and the playing of golf.



As far as I knew, I had not had a hallucinogen slipped into my morning coffee, and thus what I was viewing was indeed reality, and long did I idle near this group of elegant ladies who were taking tea and discoursing in a most civilized fashion. Until, alas, chaos ensued.



It seemed that after all, the dwarves were not so happy with their lot. Suddenly, to my dismay, they formed a cluster and started that most modern of phenomena, a protest. There was much waving about of banners. As with most protests, I don’t think that even the dwarves themselves knew what they were protesting. But they were generally angry little red faced dwarves. And the ladies blew their whistles and tried to resume order in their perfectly ordered world, and thank goodness, eventually they managed it.


I left the scene much bemused and scratching my head, quite perplexed and in need of a stiff drink. And what do you, gentle reader, make of it all? Who were these fine ladies and these fine dwarves? Aliens from another planet or spies or, well, I would love to know how you would interpret these strange events?

19 comments:

The Overnight Editor said...

I think mommy's had enough.

Viviane said...

Wow. Those pics are amazing. I must have a party like that soon!

Troika said...

I don't know how I would have interpreted it, but I know I would have been very aroused.

A Liquid Blue said...

It is a SIGN. Of things to come. World Domination by the Superior Species. Yes, it most certainly is A SIGN.

Quick said...

They make cameras now that you can give a hit of acid to? Awesome.

The Zero Boss said...

This is about as bad as the time we went camping in Blaine WA, and stopped at an "amusement park" that offered a train ride through the woods. The woods were dotted with these pitiful displays built of out kids' toys and plastic gnomes. I remarked to my wife at the time that the citizens of Blaine must be wondering what the fuck happened to all their lawn ornaments.

Midnight said...

Looks like a case of evolution to me. Is it a coincidence that the women all seem to be long legged and the men are just the right height to fit neatly under their dresses?

Meg's Mind said...

Wow, why does nothing that interesting ever take place in the woods behind my house?

Ice said...

lol~ Alice in Wonderland?

Ice said...

...was there a bunny running around all rushed and retarded like, proclaiming "I'm late!" ?

Fussy Bitch said...

Trust midnight to see the height thing!

Myself, I think they were filming a new Emily and Florence sketch for Little Britain...

Gillette said...

Ooooooooooooooh....we likey magic.

EmmaK said...

the overnight editor...I have never taken acid, but this is what I imagine it is like.

viviane...It was pretty wild I must say, especially for Baltimore.

Troika...I know exactly what you were thinking my friend, a gang bang between the ladies and the dwarves.

A liquid blue...you are absolutely right. But I reckon women already rule, if not in public then in private.

quick...now that is a brilliant marketing idea.

the zero boss...this is what is known as performance art in these parts. It was quite amusing for five minutes and then it went on and on and all anyone could think was "When is this going to end and when are we going to get to eat the cupcakes." Unfortunately it never ended and we never got any cake.

midnight...this was what I was waiting for. The point when the ladies and dwarves would disrobe and get down to it.

meg's mind...this was a truly wierd experience and I'm still trying to process it.

ice....Actually there was a mad artist person dressed as a squirrel running around being chased by a park ranger.

fussy bitch....it was a niche market porn film, 'Dwarves and overtall lasses get down and dirty.'

Gillette....It was magical, but frankly those dwarves were out of control at one point. I was scared!

Joie de Vivre said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Joie de Vivre said...

Merkins merkins everywhere.

The Zero Boss said...

"It was a niche porn film"

Sounds like ONCE UPON A GIRL...

Tickersoid said...

Isn't this the classic tale, 'Rebellion of the Mini Gimps'.

Miss Devylish said...

Absolute tragedy that the cupcakes were not shared. Those bastard gnomes are so selfish.

VE said...

I told those gnomes to behave themselves...

Great post!