Throw away your Prozac! Toss your Rabbit vibrator in the trash!
Why? Because the Robolover is here and ready to bring you pleasure beyond your wildest dreams.
If you purchase the Robolover, we guarantee that in ten days you will have stopped binge eating related to sexual frustration, thrown out your muumuu and be purring like a cat. The Robolover gives you all the illicit thrills of cheating on your hubby without the guilt and risks of STDs. And if your husband ever finds out you are banging your Robolover, you can simply laugh in his face and say, “But he's only a robot darling. You didn't think he was real, did you?”
Yes, the Robolover is basically a computer covered in skin and has a keypad embedded on the sole of his foot. Other than that, there is no way you can tell him apart from a living, breathing male.
Is this you?
▪ Are you a busy housewife, who's so tired by the end of the day that she simply has no energy left for rumpy pumpy with her husband?
▪ Do you have wild sexual fantasies about soap stars or even Dr Phil?
If you answered yes to these questions, then now is the time to take action before you start stalking Dr Phil.
The Robolover is, in every possible way, a genetically perfect male.
Realistic skin! Model comes with detachable chest wig!
Eight inch penis when erect! I know what you’re thinking:
This can’t be for real, can it? You’re also thinking, do I really want to make love to a robot? Isn’t that for wackos who have sex with blow up dolls or even those incredibly creepy silicone Real Dolls?
Of course it isn’t. These Robolovers are real to the touch men who have been programmed to play out your wildest fantasies.
On Monday you could find yourself shagging an Australian called Bruce, the rugged Crocodile Hunter. Once you’ve had enough of his sweaty manhandling, just press a few keys on the keypad and hey presto,
By Tuesday your Robolover will have transformed into smooth French Stud, Antoine. He’ll be crooning French love ballads outside your window at night (just tell your husband it’s a drunk). He’ll be scaling up drainpipes to get into your drawers. When he isn’t feeding you chocolate dipped strawberries, he’ll be telling you how your eyes look like limpid pools or proffering you his baguette to nibble on.
By Wednesday, if you’re not yet walking bowlegged, you could be sitting on the pork sword of none other than Prince William. This prototype of Wills has the very sexy British accent but does not have the bald spot that is already causing misery to dear old Wills.
The choices are endless, and at your fingertips with a few strokes on your keypad. Choose from a full range of racial stereotypes, including Mustafah the Arab, Fabio the Italian actor slash model, Delroy the Black Stallion (in which the penis extends up to eleven inches), Marco the Mafia Boss with bullet hole scars on his chest, Klaus the blonde German with the massive Bratwurst, etc etc.
And get this, as well as being brilliant conversationalists and fluent in the language of l’amour, these men are also fabuloso in bed.
With the Robolover, this could be you:
• No more pretending to like doing blow jobs if that’s not your thing! • No more saying you enjoy anal sex when you don’t in the slightest. • World class oral sex for as long as it takes to get the job done. • An hour’s foreplay, if that's what you need. • No more sleeping on the wet spot. Robolover does not ejaculate! • Robolover is guaranteed to cuddle you for at least ten minutes after sex. And that’s a watertight guarantee or your money back.
Order today! Stocks are limited. Only $6,700.00, plus shipping and handling.
Disclaimer: Product cannot be returned after use. Side effects may include addiction to Robolover, divorcing husband, moving to Alaska to set up home with Robolover, trying to have Robolover’s kids through artificial insemination or trying to murder human husband.
Do let me know what you think. Are you as excited about this new product as I am? And do you reckon that the Robolover is the answer to every horny housewife's dreams?
Who am I? Displaced Londoner now living in the States with my two little girlies and long suffering husband. Co-author of hilarious parenting book Cocktails at Naptime www.cocktailsatnaptime.com
My mom's an Austrian, my dad's a Brit, which makes me a Britaustrian, or possibly an Austrish?