Throw away your Prozac! Toss your Rabbit vibrator in the trash!
Why? Because the Robolover is here and ready to bring you pleasure beyond your wildest dreams.
If you purchase the Robolover, we guarantee that in ten days you will have stopped binge eating related to sexual frustration, thrown out your muumuu and be purring like a cat. The Robolover gives you all the illicit thrills of cheating on your hubby without the guilt and risks of STDs. And if your husband ever finds out you are banging your Robolover, you can simply laugh in his face and say, “But he's only a robot darling. You didn't think he was real, did you?”
Yes, the Robolover is basically a computer covered in skin and has a keypad embedded on the sole of his foot. Other than that, there is no way you can tell him apart from a living, breathing male.
Is this you?
▪ Are you a busy housewife, who's so tired by the end of the day that she simply has no energy left for rumpy pumpy with her husband?
▪ Do you have wild sexual fantasies about soap stars or even Dr Phil?
If you answered yes to these questions, then now is the time to take action before you start stalking Dr Phil.
The Robolover is, in every possible way, a genetically perfect male.
Realistic skin! Model comes with detachable chest wig!
Eight inch penis when erect!
I know what you’re thinking:
This can’t be for real, can it? You’re also thinking, do I really want to make love to a robot? Isn’t that for wackos who have sex with blow up dolls or even those incredibly creepy silicone Real Dolls?
Of course it isn’t. These Robolovers are real to the touch men who have been programmed to play out your wildest fantasies.
On Monday you could find yourself shagging an Australian called Bruce, the rugged Crocodile Hunter. Once you’ve had enough of his sweaty manhandling, just press a few keys on the keypad and hey presto,
By Tuesday your Robolover will have transformed into smooth French Stud, Antoine. He’ll be crooning French love ballads outside your window at night (just tell your husband it’s a drunk). He’ll be scaling up drainpipes to get into your drawers. When he isn’t feeding you chocolate dipped strawberries, he’ll be telling you how your eyes look like limpid pools or proffering you his baguette to nibble on.
By Wednesday, if you’re not yet walking bowlegged, you could be sitting on the pork sword of none other than Prince William. This prototype of Wills has the very sexy British accent but does not have the bald spot that is already causing misery to dear old Wills.
The choices are endless, and at your fingertips with a few strokes on your keypad. Choose from a full range of racial stereotypes, including Mustafah the Arab, Fabio the Italian actor slash model, Delroy the Black Stallion (in which the penis extends up to eleven inches), Marco the Mafia Boss with bullet hole scars on his chest, Klaus the blonde German with the massive Bratwurst, etc etc.
And get this, as well as being brilliant conversationalists and fluent in the language of l’amour, these men are also fabuloso in bed.
With the Robolover, this could be you:
• No more pretending to like doing blow jobs if that’s not your thing!
• No more saying you enjoy anal sex when you don’t in the slightest.
• World class oral sex for as long as it takes to get the job done.
• An hour’s foreplay, if that's what you need.
• No more sleeping on the wet spot. Robolover does not ejaculate!
• Robolover is guaranteed to cuddle you for at least ten minutes after sex. And that’s a watertight guarantee or your money back.
Order today! Stocks are limited. Only $6,700.00, plus shipping and handling.
Disclaimer: Product cannot be returned after use. Side effects may include addiction to Robolover, divorcing husband, moving to Alaska to set up home with Robolover, trying to have Robolover’s kids through artificial insemination or trying to murder human husband.
Do let me know what you think. Are you as excited about this new product as I am? And do you reckon that the Robolover is the answer to every horny housewife's dreams?
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22 comments:
Sounds like payback for The Stepford Wives. I've heard that men can actually fall in love with their sex dolls if they're realistic enough.
One question.
Do they do housework?
I don't know Emma: the thought that I would be guaranteed an orgasm every time might be too overwhelming. Surely some disappointment is necessary?
Yes, he must do housework as well, then I'd buy him!
I'm afraid that if there was no fuckwittery, I would never fully accept him as a real man substitute. I've been trained too well.
Cheque is in the post. Who cares if he can do housework? I will be too busy to notice the state of the house!
gorilla bananas...I must say I really loved the original Stepford Wives movie. I was just thinking about you and wondering if they made sex dolls for gorillas but all I came up with was sex toys for dogs. I guess that is a gift for the dog who has everything.
misssy m...the Robolover Deluxe version (cost $8,600) doesn't do housework, but can do stuff like go shopping for six hours with you for a dress without once saying, "Are we fucking well done here yet because I'm going to miss kick off at this rate."
ms robinson...actually that is a good point. Without there being an element of surprise or human error or lack of ability to sustain erection at times etc. the anticipation part of sex would probably be lost when sleeping with the Robolover. Sex might soon become too predictable....in the best possible way of course!!
Vi....The Robolover does not currently do housework. Maybe I will include this skill in my next version.
la fille....quite honestly I don't think you need this product. You seem to enjoy the real version more than most! You seem to see something nice about almost all the people you have sex with, and I am quite the opposite, which is why I felt the need to invent the Robolover.
ellie....you are correct in your assessment. Once you receive your Robolover you will be so sexually satisfied that you will either not notice that your house is a pit or be bubbly with energy and be happy to tackle your household duties once Robolover has performed his duties on you.
I am nominating you for some sort of award for Services to Humanity.
Well done, my cheque is in the post
Imagine someone knocking out dodgy copies down a market somewhere. You'd get home and find you had one that watched footy, farted, fucked you for five minutes then fell asleep and snored.
Still, for a tenner...
The only question I have is - Is there a female version of Robolover for frustrated men? You know - an insatiable, horny Amazon type lover who never complains of headaches, never has periods, doesn't talk about cracks in the bedroom ceiling during the act, doesn't get up before the alarm clock to deprive one of early morning love-making sessions and doesn't gossip with her chums about the monotony of sex, someone who stays young at heart and up for it day after day and night after night...? Maybe a robolover modelled on a certain Braustrian emigree to east coast America?
HA! You dont need a ROBOLOVER, you need a good waiter. Think about it, we bring you food n wine, we flirt and will go the whole way if you want. We are there at your command. We dont need batteries or a mains supply. All we need is the hint of cash in the air...
Or you could just hire a male escort. They also give conversation if needed.
it's a shame, that having spent all that money on "robolover" you get something that ends up looking like Fabio!!!
Fabio??? Come on, you're having a laugh!!
FoX
Cute. You realise, of course, that within 10 years we'll probably see the 'Jessica Rabbit' version of this hit the market? The 'male' model will arrive eventually, but will take longer, be more expensive, and will never be as up-to-date as his 'female' counterpart.
I'm actually being serious - the porn industry is now one of, if not the major driver of entertainment technology.
Being a robot, wouldn't they be a bit too logical and lack the ability to lie?
Imagine the response to "does my bum look big in this?"
livesbythewoods...thanks so much for the cheque. This really is the gift that keeps on giving and will have you cumming back for more.
angela...here, steady on, you're not talking about our friend troika are you? ;)
yorkshire pudding....I am working on a female version of the Robolover, but I thought men would be quite content with the Real Dolls (see website) who do not talk, since men do not want to chat about where is this relationship going so much as women do ....I wouldn't model the female robolover on myself, although I am young at heart I definately wasn't born with the gene to please a man, sexually or otherwise ;)
manuel...no one's saying you're not what the doctor ordered but you live in Belfast for f's sake what use are you to me (Unless your tongue stretches 4,000 miles...does it?)
just a toy...like you said on your site I think there are few women who could cope with hiring an escort. It just does nothing for a woman's ego to think you have to pay a man to pretend to fancy you. Whereas the robolover would be dehumanized ... his only function to give women pleasure.
articfox...I'm not saying I fancy Fabio, but millions of women do. I'm just giving a range of options for every taste in the Robolover.
stephen...I don't mean to be rude but I don't think men need anything as complex as a robot for their sexual gratification...they just need porn mainly...they are very visual and very easily aroused.....not that women are that complex either but since those crappy romance novels sell more than any other genre, I feel that most women would appreciate a romantic fantasy come to life rather than one handed reading, with the other hand stuffed down their knickers.
midnight...Being a robot, wouldn't they be a bit too logical and lack the ability to lie?
Imagine the response to "does my bum look big in this?"
You make a very valid point. Thanks for your input. Back to the drawing board, I fear. Need to incorporate: ability to lie about certain essential matters.
Do they come in a Johnny Depp model? I'll take one!
prunella jones...you bet your life we got the Robolover in a Johnny Depp model. It's in the post. Be careful love, these Robolover's can get addictive so go easy...
Where did you find that photo of me??
Perhaps I could have one as my sex stand in.
At the fist hint of hanky panky, I would slip off and read the paper.
After the deed is done I would slip in and smoke a cigarette.
Haha robolover sure it is great to have around but would be to expensive so ladies just visit www.hotgvibe.com and i am, sure you will find some kind of sex toy that will rub you in a better way then robo lover and for much cheaper :).
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