Thursday, June 07, 2007

Stupid Stupider Stupidest

Hi, you caught me sitting around daydreaming about my latest crush, Gorilla Bananas, (an ape, blogger and brilliant anthropologist), who has given me some truly unique insights into the way animals really think. Sometimes his blog makes for shocking reading, like for example, did you know that you should never show your pussy to your pussy? GB tells us here that it’s a little know fact that: “A large percentage of cat road deaths are probably suicides provoked by a pussy-to-pussy encounter. Trust me, girls, however much your cat loves you, it will never get a kick out of seeing you in the buff.”

All right, I'll admit it: I have a thing about him, love his big leathery hands, and would jump at the chance to jump him. And okay, some of you might say, "But he's a gorilla!" To which I say, so what? Love can conquer all. If anything, it's GB who's made it perfectly clear that he wouldn't make the beast with two backs with anyone but a female gorilla. He's so straight laced that he doesn't even dabble in chimp sex. He once told me that “Lady chimps are a gorilla fetish on a par with female dwarves with bucked teeth. Lady Chimpanzee's Lover is a classic tale of forbidden simian love.”

And while I was thinking about animalistic sex and all things animal, this question popped into my brain: Are there any stupid animals in the animal kingdom?

Now, please correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m going to hazard a guess that there aren’t any, because idiots would not survive in the wild. And would a tribe of gorillas, for example, carry one gorilla who was simple in the head, purely because he was a bit of a laugh and could do a brilliant impression of Humphrey Bogart, but in every other way was retarded and couldn’t so much as shell a monkey nut let alone mount another gorilla? I think not. Before long he’d be a Gorilla in the Mist, or a Gorilla left to fend for himself and die.

Now, yes, of course, there are many stupid domestic animals, like my friend Daisy’s beagle Spot, who eats cat poo out of the cat litter amongst many other aspects of regressive behavior. But those animals are cosseted and petted and can be as dumb as they like, because they always know where the next can of Whiskas is coming from.

And my next question is, that if there are no stupid creatures in the wild, why are there so many in the human kingdom?

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that at least seventy per cent of the human population is stupid (stupid is defined as: the intelligence level of George W. Bush or below). And okay, in the past, maybe the function of slowpokes was simply to be an expendable body in a war, to build castles, forts and the like, and to club their enemies about the head. But what is the function of stupid people today?

I’ve really been scratching my head on this one. Now, I can sort of see the function of dumb females, especially if they are nice looking. Female bimbos will always be needed to date footballers, middle aged men with ponytails and rich men in general.

In a study I just read, (Source: Ms. magazine, December 1983) the researchers showed that mothers hold, kiss, and cuddle attractive babies more than less attractive babies, and, more importantly, tend to limit their attractive baby’s development in other areas by neglecting, for example, to offer such stimuli as challenging toys.

That study may go some way in explaining why so many good looking people are also dumb. It doesn’t however, explain Dubya.

So, what do you reckon is the function of stupid people in society?

To make the more intelligent people feel better about themselves? To keep the male and female modeling industries afloat?

Or, to put it plainly: What is the evolutionary significance of a Paris Hilton or a K-Fed?

And if society is dumbing down, will the world one day be overrun with intellectually challenged individuals?


Tickersoid said...


Gorilla Bananas said...

I'm getting a lot of amorous attention from human females all of a sudden. Ms Robinson left a comment on my blog saying she was putting up a picture of herself on her blog just for me. It's not going to be there for long, so you'd better check it out while you can.

I'm not complaining, mind you. Even a gorilla is flattered when women like you and Ms R, who are definitely class-A totty to their own kind, start sending him love letters.

In answer to your question, intelligence is always relative to the situation. A fish is pretty damned smart in the sea, but not so clever squirming about on land. Similarly, a gorilla can give a pretty good account of himself in a circus, but would be utterly hopeless on Reality TV. Paris Hilton is still looking for her niche.

Ms Robinson said...

Ms R has replied to you but have decided to pop in for a drink with a fellow class act. Ms R is having red.

lady macleod said...

This is brilliant. I am still chuckling. I have no explanation for paris hilton but i am all for letting her have her own planet as long as she stays there.

Pink Drama said...

paris and k-fed came from the same f-ed up planet. it's called dumbassville, and is located centrally on neptune.

Troika said...

"I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that at least seventy per cent of the human population is stupid ..."

Surely you have been in the States for far too long.

If you had written this from the UK I'm sure the figure would have been closer to 80 per cent.

Peach said...

yes, we're all getting thicker... shag the intellectuals, is what I say... (just close your eyes and think of darwin if they're not too tasty)

EmmaK said...

tickersoid....I can't bear all these stupid people around me. How can I dumb myself down so all these morons are easier to bear? I'm thinking of Electro Shock Therapy to kill some brain cells although I suppose meth would do a quicker job.

gorilla bananas...if you ever feel like taking a walk on the wild side I'm sure that Ms. Robinson and myself would be more than happy to introduce you to the pleasures of sex with (almost) hairless females.

Good answer to my query about whether wild animals can be stupid. Also, I for one would love to see you on Reality TV.

ms robinson thanks for dropping by for a glass of red. You are classy and mysterious. I must say I am a little jealous of your subtle sophistication. It's what I aspire to but rarely achieve.

lady mcleod...As for Paris having her own planet, I wanted to suggest something similar, like dividing the world in two and having two separate continents, one for the smart and one for the thick, but then I thought I would offend someone...what do you think?

pink drama Funny! I hope I never get stranded in Dumbassville on Central Neptune. I think I'd start crying!

troika good answer, only I was desperately trying to think whether there is any point to stupid people in an evolutionary sense. Do you have any answers to the purpose of the chav explosion that is currently covering the earth like a noxious cloud?

peach...I have always fancied the intellectual/nerdy type myself. I think I have a fetish for men who wear glasses. No, seriously!! So I'm all right there....I do worry though that if I am this intolerant now what kind of a mad old woman I will be, when stupid people start to reallyirritate the hell out of me!

Peach said...

Me too as it goes (re the glasses geek chic thing) - don't hold back with the ranting, although maybe america isn't the easiest place to find an abundance of intellectual life

go on, all of you kill me for my xenaphobia... queue up

Just a toy said...

Ha ha ha... great post

Midnight said...

We still need men who are slightly lacking in the brain department to fight wars even today Em. Who else would be stupid enough to want to put themselves in the line of fire? It's probably why there are so few women in combat roles. I do wonder why there are no footballer's wives joining up though.

Midnight said...

PS I may decide to stop wearing contact lenses now I've discovered the geek factor.

Angela-la-la said...

>>I do wonder why there are no footballer's wives joining up though.

If Dior did the uniform they'd be queuing up.

Em, 50% of the population will always be below average intelligence. I'm not entirely sure of their purpose but personally won't take me knickers off till I see a Mensa id card. Just doing my bit to take mankind forward...

Tom Paine said...

Paris is someone we build up so we can tear down. Look at the relish seeing her humiliated and in tears going back to jail?

The weak need someone below them to stomp on.

parisian cowboy said...

I really enjoyed this photo.

missy said...

Good one, EmmaK. Now I am off to gorilla bananas to write him love letters and send him photos ;-)

Quick said...

We need stupid people to play ball sports to entertain all the other stupid people so that they leave the rest of us alone for a while.

Tickersoid said...

As we wander around the land of blog. We see where the brains have gone.
Blogger the new brain drain.

Stephen said...

The average IQ is 100 by definition. Assuming a nice bell curve distribution (which the statistics seem to bear out), at least 50% of the population will be at IQ 100 or below. GWB's Iq hasn't officially been released, but I'd bet it's 120 or higher, which means your 70% bet is probably accurate...

Where was I going with that?

Oh, yes. Firstly, there is a difference between an idiot and a buffoon. Just because GWB doesn't use many words, and is frequently socially inept does not make him stupid. There's also nothing inherently wrong with being a simple man with simple tastes, simple morality, and a desire for a simple life. The danger comes when one tries to impose your notions of how things should work on reality, or when you try to impose your simple morality on others (both of which GWB appears to be guilty of).

However, I would love to know what GWB is really like when the cameras are off. See, I wonder if he's really the man we see, or if it's all some carefully calculated act.

See, one of the things I noted when I was in the States was that a lot of the people there like the "everyman" thing. Homer Simpson may not be a totally unfair image of the average American Joe. If that is the case, then the episode where George Bush Sr moved in next door is quite telling.

(Certainly, the one and only time I met with American customs agents, I fairly waltzed through. I am absolutely convinced that I got through so easy by virtue of giving the security agent the impression I was slightly thick.

See, what was happening was that all UK visitors were having their prints taken, first the left index finger and then the right. When I got to the front of the queue, I presented my passport, and waited. In short order, the agent said, "Right index finger." Surprised by this, I nonetheless did as I was told, and presented my right index finger, as you do. The agent looked at me like an idiot, and said "Right index finger."

I neglected to correct him, presented my left index finger. Curiously, after that I didn't have any trouble getting through. I'm convinced to this day that appearing slightly buffoonish greased the wheels that day.)

So, anyway, I find myself wondering if GWB isn't actually much smarter than he appears to be, but presents an incompetent face so as to appear non-threatening to the world. And, if so, then to an extent it works - when we see him and Tony Blair together, it is a study in contrasts. Blair is obviously extremely clever, very articulate, and comes across as rather smarmy most of the time.

rilly super said...

I took an IQ test recently. It was negative. is that good?

EmmaK said...

just a toy....ah, thank you. I was having a bad day, having endured conversations with several idiots over a short period of time.

midnight...yeah, I love glasses. Men also look so cute when they take their glasses off and look kind of squinty and vulnerable when they can's see properly.

I would ditch the contacts if I were you, aren't they sometimes a nightmare to put in and out?, don't just drop your knickers for the mensa men. Stupid men can sometimes be pretty good in bed, 'a bit of rough' and all that...if my memory serves me correctly ;)

THERE!! I knew dumb lads had a function, to give women the old Neanderthal thrills.

Tom Paine....Valid point, only the reality is Paris did deserve to go to jail and it is nice to see someone as spoiled as her pay for the consequences of her thoughtlessness.

parisian cowboy....I think GWB could live quite happily amongst a tribe of apes. A new concept for a reality show methinks? can try sending GB nudie pictures of yourself but if you don't have hairy legs and pubic beards he won't be interested ;) answered the question most succintly. Don't tell me you are not a fan of Aussie rules football?

tickersoid.....I can only pray that one day we genius bloggers will get the recognition we deserve ;)

stephen....There is no doubt that GWB is not a total fool, he can play the political game as well as anyone and seems to have the sense to know when to keep his mouth shut, unlike, say, Dan Quayle.

You are right, Bush has always been much more likeable than Blair. I hated Blair's smarmy manner from day one, although I think he is a brilliant politician. I hate everything about Bush politically yet cannot really dislike him as a person somehow. He doesn't seem nasty...but as you say, who knows what goes on behind closed doors?

rilly super...IQ tests don't mean that much - I say that only because I don't usually do too well in them, but I think I am pretty smart. In fact I know I am. I have been called many things from obnoxious through rude, from lazy to immature, but never once have I been called thick, dumb, a moron etc.