Thursday, June 07, 2007
Hi, you caught me sitting around daydreaming about my latest crush, Gorilla Bananas, (an ape, blogger and brilliant anthropologist), who has given me some truly unique insights into the way animals really think. Sometimes his blog makes for shocking reading, like for example, did you know that you should never show your pussy to your pussy? GB tells us here that it’s a little know fact that: “A large percentage of cat road deaths are probably suicides provoked by a pussy-to-pussy encounter. Trust me, girls, however much your cat loves you, it will never get a kick out of seeing you in the buff.”
All right, I'll admit it: I have a thing about him, love his big leathery hands, and would jump at the chance to jump him. And okay, some of you might say, "But he's a gorilla!" To which I say, so what? Love can conquer all. If anything, it's GB who's made it perfectly clear that he wouldn't make the beast with two backs with anyone but a female gorilla. He's so straight laced that he doesn't even dabble in chimp sex. He once told me that “Lady chimps are a gorilla fetish on a par with female dwarves with bucked teeth. Lady Chimpanzee's Lover is a classic tale of forbidden simian love.”
And while I was thinking about animalistic sex and all things animal, this question popped into my brain: Are there any stupid animals in the animal kingdom?
Now, please correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m going to hazard a guess that there aren’t any, because idiots would not survive in the wild. And would a tribe of gorillas, for example, carry one gorilla who was simple in the head, purely because he was a bit of a laugh and could do a brilliant impression of Humphrey Bogart, but in every other way was retarded and couldn’t so much as shell a monkey nut let alone mount another gorilla? I think not. Before long he’d be a Gorilla in the Mist, or a Gorilla left to fend for himself and die.
Now, yes, of course, there are many stupid domestic animals, like my friend Daisy’s beagle Spot, who eats cat poo out of the cat litter amongst many other aspects of regressive behavior. But those animals are cosseted and petted and can be as dumb as they like, because they always know where the next can of Whiskas is coming from.
And my next question is, that if there are no stupid creatures in the wild, why are there so many in the human kingdom?
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that at least seventy per cent of the human population is stupid (stupid is defined as: the intelligence level of George W. Bush or below). And okay, in the past, maybe the function of slowpokes was simply to be an expendable body in a war, to build castles, forts and the like, and to club their enemies about the head. But what is the function of stupid people today?
I’ve really been scratching my head on this one. Now, I can sort of see the function of dumb females, especially if they are nice looking. Female bimbos will always be needed to date footballers, middle aged men with ponytails and rich men in general.
In a study I just read, (Source: Ms. magazine, December 1983) the researchers showed that mothers hold, kiss, and cuddle attractive babies more than less attractive babies, and, more importantly, tend to limit their attractive baby’s development in other areas by neglecting, for example, to offer such stimuli as challenging toys.
That study may go some way in explaining why so many good looking people are also dumb. It doesn’t however, explain Dubya.
So, what do you reckon is the function of stupid people in society?
To make the more intelligent people feel better about themselves? To keep the male and female modeling industries afloat?
Or, to put it plainly: What is the evolutionary significance of a Paris Hilton or a K-Fed?
And if society is dumbing down, will the world one day be overrun with intellectually challenged individuals?