In the future, mammals will have to adjust to our artificial environment or perish
I was listening to some ‘expert’ on the radio just now, who was talking about how, in thirty years, half the mammals currently alive today will be extinct. My first reaction was, how depressing. But then, after thinking about it for a bit, I came to the conclusion that it was a sad but inevitable part of evolution.
How so? Well, ask yourself this, in our current artificial world, what in God’s name is the point of a whale? You’re far too large, mate. Or a koala? Yes, they look very cute, but what in the name of Jesus is their function? And don’t get me started on the panda. Any animal that needs to be artificially inseminated deserves to go the way of the dodo.
I know all you animal lovers will be up in arms, but I don’t really believe that an animal should be your best friend. If one is, well, maybe you have a problem. You can’t talk to a cow, and you can’t make love to a sheep, unless you live in Wales and have a special permit. Seriously, how soon do you think it would be before your dog or cat turned on you and stripped you limb from limb if you stopped feeding it? Try it, I dare you.
And as for zoos, which are keeping endangered species alive, all well and good, but look at the animals that live there. How many are mad and pacing around like nutters? The majority, from what I have observed. And why shouldn’t they go mad? You would too under the circumstances. Ask yourself this: Would you want to live in an ‘enclosure’ the size of a prison cell, with people gawping at you and laughing while you scratch your privates or try and have a quick shag with your cell mate? Course you wouldn’t.
I recently flicked through a book called Why Men Are The Way They Are by Warren Farrell, which basically puts forward the premise that women should stop being so emotionally dependent on men, and if they weren’t, we would have a much happier society. He says that now, in our technological age, there is no need for any woman to be financially or emotionally dependent on men. To which I say, yes, I’m all for that, total equality, but feminism has been going for a mere hundred years, as opposed to the millions of years in which pathways were cemented in the brain which cause the sexes to behave the way they do. My husband studies the brain, so I know a bit about this, and it’s actually well documented that the way Stone Age people lived is more or less the way our brains are programmed to function today. It’s no accident that many women live in romantic fantasy worlds and are emotionally dependent on men. That’s the way it was in the Stone Age. In the Stone Age, if a woman wasn’t ga ga about her hairy brute, there was no way she was going to sit around a fire for days waiting for him to come back with a dead mammoth and give her a three minute fuck, now was there? Same as, why are men often violent? It is a proven fact that men don’t exhibit the self control women do when under attack, and will often resort to physical violence. Obviously, it has to do with how, in the old days, you had to smash the enemy’s face in first, think later, in order to defend your tribe etc. But let’s face it, the time for punching someone’s lights out because they’ve pinched your stash of Post-It notes is now well and truly over.
What I mean is, I’m all for men and women learning new ways of behaviour that are more relevant to our current age, but it’s going to take thousands and thousands of years for new pathways to be burnt into the brain. Got that Warren? It’s not going to happen next week just because you’ve written a book about it.
Now, humans will probably be able to adapt to the new, nature free, synthetic world we live in. But for those animals that can’t, what is the point of keeping them alive? You tell me.
Also, it is tragic that Planet Earth will soon be totally destroyed, but that’s the way it’s going, so deal with it. There are always doom-mongers saying, “This ruined planet is the punishment we humans have got for turning away from Jesus, having promiscuous sex, masturbating and looking at Internet porn.” But actually, God-botherers, that’s incorrect. It is progress, not promiscuity, that has driven the planet to its knees. And all those that cannot adapt will perish.
On a totally different topic, if you have any weird sexual problems, if your wife has run off with the postman or if you just have an urge to get something off your chest, fear not, I am here to help you out. Many have found sweet relief through my agony column, The E-Spot. You can too! Just write to me at emma.theespot@[remove]gmail.com and I will post the answer right here on my blog! By the way, do let me know if you wish to remain anonymous.
Who am I? Displaced Londoner now living in the States with my two little girlies and long suffering husband. Co-author of hilarious parenting book Cocktails at Naptime www.cocktailsatnaptime.com
My mom's an Austrian, my dad's a Brit, which makes me a Britaustrian, or possibly an Austrish?