First day of school, and once again I am left thinking, "Are American parents certifiable?"
A mother who has a first grader told me, "Did you know that the public middle school is not running buses to my area, so my daughter is going to have to walk to school in sixth grade. She's going to have to cross York Road all by herself!"
I said, "Excuse me madam, but are you on crack?" No, I didn't, but I rolled my eyes, I couldn't help it. I was walking to school on my own, crossing at least four main roads, at age eight, as was everyone else. And she was worried about her daughter crossing a not particularly busy road at AGE ELEVEN.
"Surely she'll be able to cross the road on her her own by then," I ventured.
"But I don't want her crossing the road. I don't want her crossing any road by herself!" she snapped back.
I chuckled to myself, wondering where this mother's overprotective streak would end. Would she, for example, insist on sitting by the bed the first time her daughter had intercourse?
"Good work, Paul," she'd say to the boyfriend. "You've done some excellent clitoral stimulation, but you need to pay a little more attention to Clare's breasts. Good! Work your tongue around her nipples in a circular motion. Yes, I think she's almost ready for penetration now. Wait, I'm going to get my camcorder out to record my little girl's journey into womanhood. Okay now Paul, I think we're ready. Not so fast! Take it easy. There you go. Everything okay, Clare? Good ...I'm getting some lovely shots. Oh gosh Clare, I think I'm tearing up ...."
Not so far fetched, methinks?
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22 comments:
that is a truly awful scenario you've described.... and, um, but I can't help but wonder....are you terribly unpopular over there?? ;)
Americans are slightly off, aren't they? I actually found it funny that the Cockney rhyming slang for Americans (Yanks) was sceptic tanks. Yep!
With some of the moms I know, this doesn't seem that farfetched! Great post.
I wouldn't go as far as inviting the mother to watch, but I think it would be an excellent idea for every girl to be presented with a video of her first sexual experience. It would make virgins think more carefully about the circumstances in which they are deflowered.
I love it! Straight from unable to cross a road alone at 11, to drink, drugs and bum sex at 14 (cos it's not breaking that vow they made to stay a 'true virgin'!)
I'm also wondering, do you feel terribly isolated? BG x
I bet that girl hangs out with her mates crossing back and forth all sorts of roads when her mother isn't looking.
How on earth do these people expect their little darlings to function in the real world. AND how come yours are back at school already?? 1 more week to go for me, not that i'm counting.
Hmmm, and you should see the looks we got, when one of the neighbors realized we let our little ones wait for the bus *all by themselves*.
It's a school bus, that picks them up at the corner of our yard, effectively
Thanks, but no thanks- I'll just have to let them grow and become more independent, and risk that they may eventually become competent to live in the world without my holding their hands.
The bit I find weird is that parents over here drive their kids to schools two streets away because the roads are far too busy for little Jane and Johnny to be safe walking.
With all those mums suffering self inflicted stress driving their kids two streets to school, of course they fucking are!
Naturally as soon as mummy goes to yogalates class to rid herself of her self inflicted stress, little Jane and Johnny are off to the nearest dual carriageway with their mates playing chicken with the cars and pissing themselves laughing.
See, now you know they're overprotective, now you get to play the game with them - just how absurd a thing can you claim to be worried about without either:
1) bursting into laughter
2) them realising that you've taking the piss.
You get bonus points if, at some later time, you hear them expressing the same concern while serious.
rebecca...I am not that unpopular because I don't hang out with overprotective moms, and if I meet one I knows how to keep me mouth shut!
molly...Ha ha, septic tanks...yeah, as you know, many US parents are very overprotective, and believe there is a paedophile behind every bush, ready to steal their kids.
miz uv...I know you are not like that my dear!
gorilla bananas....I believe you have a cracking business plan there. What would your video service be called: Popped Cherry Productions?
benefitscroungingscum....I think I would feel isolated if I lived in a tiny town, but Baltimore is relatively cosmopolitan, so I don't. Many of my friends are foreign or second generation immigrants. I also attract eccentrics and hippies like a magnet and have many acquaintances who are not overprotective like the majority of American parents.
conortje....Ha ha!! I feel so sorry for that kid and others like her.
n....The school has already started because PRAISE THE LORD!! US schools start in August and they don't even have half term either. Result!!
sailor...I'm on the phone to social services right now. Don't you realize that by letting your kids wait for the bus by themselves you are putting their lives at risk: they could be kidnapped by aliens, or hit by a meteor. Shame on you !! ;)
Angela...Oh dear! I thought things might be a little more normal in the UK but alas the coddling of kids is widespread these days.
stephen...that would be a good game only most americans would NEVER realize I was taking the piss!
I don't know about other blokes out there, but the thought of my mum watching me shagging a virgin is a major turn on.
Hillarious, I love your writing style.
when i first moved to england i was surprised how friends wouldnt let their child have a paper round, or walk to school. but its changed here in nz now too.
troika...I quite understand your erotic interest in this idea. Is your mum fit then?
leemerette...thanks for popping by.
joie de vivre....being overprotective is totally retarded and prevents kids from maturing IMHO
Yeah, she'd get it.
Not just American mums, I'm afraid. My son's friend is not allowed to come over to our house unaccompanied. We live in a samll village with a zebra crossing over our only decent road. My son has been crossing it to school since he was six.
When I questioned this woman, she said manically, "But Christopher's only 9, you see". Like it's an actual law that a nine year old can't cross a road and she might be prosecuted. Stupid cow.
Yeah but when they come to the library they see it as a nice safe place since there are books and have no problems leaving their two year olds alone while they go look for books for twenty minutes. At the library where I work we get so many crazy parents who complain about the siliest tings like the television we have being on the news and violence being shown or somebody telling their child to stop misbehaving! But then they abandon them when they really still need to be watched constantly. I also think its funny that parents who won't let their kids five feet away from them at a grocery store will leave their kids in the other part of the building at the library despite the fact that the same pervs that scare them so much can come to the library.
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT that you tagged this entry with "Stupid People"!!! Bravo, mon chere!
Not all American Moms are like this, but the huge number of the ones that are, give the rest of us a bad name.
I have 2 daughters that are 9 and 5 and hubby and I are raising them to be independent and self-reliant WOMEN. Too much hovering is NEVER good for a kid. It totally destroys their self-confidence!
And like I've said before in my blog - ALL STUPID PEOPLE IN THE WORLD SHOULD BE MADE TO WEAR BRIGHT ORANGE EAR-TAGS LIKE CATTLE so that regular people with all of their common sense know what they are up against when they run into John Q. Dumbass on the street!
Keep up the great work! Love to read your stuff!
lol! you're hysterical, Emma! And yes, I know exactly what you mean. It does get a tad overdone in America. But then again, there are upper class folks like this here in India too!
I once heard a mother in Holland Park, Kensington, telling her toddler: "Don't run- you'll fall over!" This was on soft grass!
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