Thursday, August 16, 2007

Saving the World, One Tit at a Time



So, say you're a young man who wants to give back to society. Say you're also a young man who likes big tits. For years you try and combine your two interests - philanthropy and massive hooters - and get nowhere, until a genius idea grabs you by the balls and won't let go until you launch a site called My Free Implants, which helps women who have, for years, suffered the indignity of being small breasted.

This unbelievably brilliant idea was cooked up by one Jason Grunsta while he was off his skull at a Vegas bachelor party being entertained by strippers. Grunstra took pity on one of the strippers, who did not have implants and was devastated that she couldn't afford to purchase the two magical bags of saline. Grunsta and his pals immediately reached deep into their pockets. After they'd all finished playing pocket billiards, they managed to find a total of $70 in their pockets, which they gave the stripper towards her surgery. Once Grunstra got back from Vegas, he founded the site with his pal Jay Moore and it's doing very well.

And now, to achieve their dream, all these small breasted lovelies have to do is put up pictures of themselves on this site. And then lovely, caring men, called 'benefactors' pay $1.20 each time they e-mail these women, of which each woman gets $1.00 of the total.

The goal for these ladies is to hook these lovely benefactors and keep em chatting and chatting, until the tip jar is full and the implants are paid for. In fact, once the girl has cyber-chatted her way to the $4,000 needed for the procedure, the site pays the money directly to the cosmetic surgeon.

Just imagine the fuzzy feeling of deep satisfaction you'd get in your privates, knowing you'd helped women like Brittany achieve their goals. Here's her moving testimonial:

"I HAVE BOOBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you guys sooooooooooooooooooooooooo freaking much!!!! I am completely shocked right now!! I don't even know what to say!!! Other than THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

You guys are amazing!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!! I'm gonna go scream now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good luck ladies!! NEVER QUIT!!!"

Moore counters criticism of the site by saying, "It's a bit old-fashioned, but many men like being providers and helping women out financially. Also, many men have a fantasy of building the 'perfect woman.' It sounds science fiction-ish, but I think it holds true for some men."

So, what are you waiting for? Ending poverty and hunger can wait, surely? Start cyber-chatting with these flatties and turn them into hotties!

24 comments:

Miz UV said...

I wonder what they chat about in the emails? LOL

Jozet said...

Wow.

Only in...I was going to say America, but I may have to narrow it down to Vegas.

Is there one of these for women who need corn removals? Because I'd be so much sexier if my feet didn't hurt so much.

Gorilla Bananas said...

I can't see how a man could get close enough to that woman to kiss her. Too much of a good thing, if you ask me.

Peach said...

jeeeeeeze

Stephen said...

I'm confused - why is this tagged "stupid people"? As far as I can see, it's a genius business plan, with everyone involved getting what they want.

1) The organisers of the site get $800 per woman they 'help out', for minimal effort.

2) The women get (almost) free implants. And it's not like they don't choose to be on the site, so they're hardly being exploited.

3) The punters get to chat to a hot woman for a marginal fee. Compared with the nudie 'phone in' TV stations that clutter up satellite bandwidth, it's positively a bargain.

So, why 'stupid people'?

Lady Latte said...

What can I say, America is full of entrepreneurs...

I would like it to me a more equal site, why not post men that need enlargements???

Angela-la-la said...

Or women needing lipo?

having my cake said...

If my boobs were any bigger, they wouldnt be balanced out by my fabulous arse and Id spend the whole time overbalancing.

You can see it with that woman, the weight of her bosom is clearly pushing her centre of gravity forwards and downwards compressing her toes. I bet the next thing, she'll be complaining about corns making her miserable and then jozet's wish will be granted!

Glamourpuss said...

Do you think men feel the same way about helping a woman get her house re-wired?

The ubiquity of breast implants in some parts of America is truly depressing. We all know that all breasts are good, so why pay $4k for surgery when you could buy shoes instead?

Puss

Gumpher said...

Dunno about the perfect woman bit. I think fake funbags look vile.

jungle jane said...

Wow. Betchya he starts a section that encourages contributions to labia-beautification surgery...

Surely letting blokes look at your tits for $1.00 a pop is just like putting on a peep show but less hard work?

Oh well i am all for free enterprise...i've always had massive puppies and wouldn't really understand the pain of being flat chested...

EmmaK said...

miz uv....I'm pretty sure they discuss world politics and the state of the real estate market ;)

jozet....I'm so with you, why can't these benefactors do something useful with their money like remove women's corns or bunions?

gorilla bananas....I read a serious bit of scientific research recently that said that the only reason human breasts are big and round is so they don't suffocate the baby when it is suckling. But somehow I don't believe these ladies are getting bigger tits in order to successfully suckle their offspring.

peach...I don't know what it is about this concept that makes me feel queasy....but it just does.

stephen....what about the nauseating concept of men building the 'ideal woman'.....it's putting feminism back two hundred years IMHO. I'm all for free enterprise but this is a step into very bad taste.

lady latte.....you can bet your bottom dollar that no women would be a benefactor for men to have penis enlargements. Does this say something about women or men, I'm not sure?

angela.....I don't think I'd care if they paid for my lipo or whatever I just resent the fact that i'd have to cyber sex chat with these jerk offs. Maybe that's just me.

having my cake...i'm not really against implants but there is just something so totally idiotic about the women on this site is just makes me want to say: "get a brain."

glamorpuss...Do you think men feel the same way about helping a woman get her house re-wired?
I'm going to start this site! An inspired idea!

My tits could do with some rewiring, certainly ;)

gumpher...i agree that most fake breasts look awful. why can't they make them look real?

jungle jane......I almost died when I heard that there are certain lunatics who, due to the pressure of the perfectly formed labias in porn, pay thousands for labial shaping surgery. Get a life, ladies!

Stephen said...

Well, possibly. Given that the women on that site are their by their own choice, though, I'm not sure the blame can be placed entirely at the feet of us wicked men.

As for the "cause of feminism", I'm afraid it's on life support, having been abused by the Spice Girls and their inane babble about "Girl Power", and by Britney, Paris, Lindsay, Jessica, and their wannabes. By training a generation of airhead girls, they've done infinitely more damage to the cause than any stupid site about free boob jobs. IMO, of course.

EmmaK said...

stephen...you are right, it is very sad that the big role models for girls are Paris, Lindsay, Britney etc, talentless nobodies with air whistling between their ears.

I don't think the men who donate to the implants site are evil just, sad, so sad. They probably pretend to themselves they are having 'relationships' with these girls via email. It is more honest just to go to a prostitute I reckon!

Stephen said...

True, that.

I was actually back on here to post that I'd had second thoughts about some of what I'd said. A quick scan of the various music channels reveals a frightening number of young women hanging on the gangsta-rappa du jour, mostly barely-dressed, and sporting truly prodigious implants.

Which is most definately the influence of men, and portraying the rather unpleasant notion that women are pretty objects to be used and cast aside. (And, since that site would seem to portray that same attitude, I guess you're right after all.)

So, it's not just Britney et al doing damage to feminism...

Ms Robinson said...

So apparently 'many men like being providers and helping women out financially.' Hmm I wonder what would happen if one of these women wanted to go to university and needed money for that. That is what they call a benevolent dictatorship.

Luka said...

What happens to them if they can't raise sufficient funds? If they are not sufficiently easy on the eye or fun to talk to? Do they just get one done, or what?

Sarah said...

And I thought I had heard almost everything. This reminds me of those people on ebay asking for money to pay off their debt. Hilarious!

The Shepcarpclan said...

Well now I think this might lead to other wonderful things.
Hey! I know, we can start one for men in need of improving, but wait. Where to start, so many improvements needed, so little to work with.

Tom Paine said...

Tits trump hungry orphans in most men's thoughts....

Manuel said...

What a truly wondrous place the world is. People helping people, it's just so lovely...

Holly: The Dirty Princess said...

Oh. My. Word.

Tickersoid said...

Give me real and small anyday but hey, if it works for them why not.

I'm starting a site to get my haemeroids fixed. Ladies you'll need a mouse and a purse.

badgerdaddy said...

There is no God.