The E-Spot: Does the Male Multiple Orgasm Exist?

I know that some of you may think that I make these problems up, but I don't. Fact is stranger than fucktion, as it were. Today I found this rather desperate missive in my in box. Yes, he has a lot of problems. But I'm a caring sort and I'm going to sort the poor lad out.

Dear E-Spot,

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat wondering, am I normal? Please help!

Thanks so much for your time

Cross-Eyed When I Cum


Dear Cross-Eyed When I Cum,

Calm down. JUST CALM DOWN. Emma is here to sort you out. Now then, what's all this fuss about?

1.I have a terrible problem with my partner laughing at me when I orgasm - perhaps it's something to do with the fact that I go cross-eyed at the key moment?

That's a no brainer. Do her doggie style so she can't see your ridiculous face when you come. If for some reason you do not enjoy doing her from behind, you could wear a paper bag on your head while you do her missionary, or, if you are an agoraphobic, maybe she could wear the bag. You could also glue different pictures of porn stars onto the paper bag too, thus increasing your arousal...Think of the fun you could have. Instead of fantasizing about Jenna Jameson you would be making love to her!




2.I have a penchant for my partner wearing just pearls, tennis socks and rubber gloves when I make love to her, is there anything wrong with this?

No. But do start to worry if you find yourself unaccountably aroused by men in fingerless leopardskin gloves and skin tight pink spandex. These are early symptoms of SigueSigueSputnikitus, a disease which, when full blown has horrific symptoms including an inability to realize that heavy metal music is total rubbish as well as a compulsion to quote Des'ree lyrics such as these in public places as if they were Shakespeare when in fact they are in fact, shite:

'See the man, over there, He's a Leo,
check his hair. Virgo eyes. Aries smile.
I like the Leo. Check his style'.

3.Is there such a thing as the male multiple orgasm? How far apart do they need to be to qualify as being 'multiple'?

To qualify as multiple, the orgasms need to occur within a fortnight of each other. If you have to have a cup of tea, a full night's sleep or a three course meal between orgasms that does not count as 'multiple.'

Personally, and yes I know I am not a man, I have never quite seen the point of multiple orgasms. Okay, so I can sometimes masturbate and have three or four orgasms a few minutes apart, but I cannot say that there is the same level of satisfaction from a few piddling little ones as from one stellar one that feels like your groin is about to explode and your cranium is going to hit the roof, if you know of what I speak.

I asked a male friend about whether male multiple orgasms exist and he said he can have multiples, but he agreed with me, that they are not as intense as one isolated one. He says that this is how he does it: When you are having intercourse and are almost about to come, say, more than two seconds from ejaculating, stop thrusting and just keep your penis in her vagina and relax. You will still come...but hold on, do not start pumping again. The orgasm will happen. You're basically having a partial orgasm. Now you will still be hard and if you wait a little while before you start thrusting again, you will come again. The second one is not as intense as the first one but it is still great to come off twice.

I am sure there are some of you out there who can give Cross-Eyed more advice on this.

Peter Stringfellow takes a roasting

4. Is it true that older men make better lovers? Though I am well preserved, at forty-two years I now find myself creaking and aching in places that I didn't before. Yes, we are slower and more tentative in our love making - 'cause we don't have a bloody choice!

I'm afraid I am very much of the opinion that I have to have a young lover. My husband is twenty-eight (to my thirty-six) and I only have to glance at him in a certain way and he has an erection. This is bloody useful when you have kids and often have to resort to five minute sex while they are busy eating ice cream in the kitchen or busying themselves with torturing the local cat. If I had to stoke an erection for minutes I think I would simply not have the patience. Simply put, yes I have had sex with older men and most did not really do it for me, the erections took some work to get up and then sometimes they'd lose them mid-thrust and it was quite a yawn. Although my experiences are by no means typical and I'm sure there are older men who are spectacular lovers. I just only experienced a couple who were good. Also, when you are the much younger girl having sex with a man twenty years plus older than you, it is a bit unequal, they do all these 'tricks' that have obviously worked on someone over the years, and expect you to moan and groan when really you think, "That isn't my G-Spot, so can you stop vibrating your finger up my snatch because it's pressing on my bladder and I'm going to wet myself if you keep it up much longer."

Hope all this has put your mind at rest.

Love always,
Emma

Please, dear readers, feel free to give Cross-Eyed more advice on this matter. And please, if you have a problem, send it in. Write to me at emma.theespot[remove]@gmail.com and please say if you wish to remain anonymous.