I have left my car lights on and run down the battery three times in the last two weeks. And by that I mean that because I am way too tight to pay for triple A, well-meaning friends have been coerced to drive round and rather than throttle me with their jump leads, have kindly started up the car for me.
Now, the first time I didn't realize I had my lights on (it was daytime), and I also didn't know that leaving your lights on for an hour kills the battery (in my defence I have only had a licence for four years).
The second time my daughter Sausage left the interior reading light on.
The third time I left the lights on but had no recollection of doing so.
My husband said if it happens again he is taking the car and leaving me the bike, which I wouldn't actually mind, but what would I do with the kids? (I know, strap them to the back of the bike). In any case, I reckon I'm going to have to be less forgetful because I kind of need the car to get around.
You may be wondering where I am going with all this, and it is here: I have recently realized that if I cannot remember to check whether the lights are on before I get out of the car I will never be able to be in a polyamorous relationship.
For a while there I was decrying the claustrophobia of monogamy, and then a lightbulb went off in my head: you do not have the organizational skills to juggle multiple partners!
Rita, Sue and Bob Too, a film about a married man carrying on with two schoolgirls. This film is ace but will put you off polyamory for life.
I remember at university being part of a polyamorous relationship with two guys and actually the triangle relationship worked quite well for a while. Only that ended when one of the guys became crazily jealous of the other one. Even so, I have often been in friendships where me and two guys were close and would hang out together. It is less intense than being one on one. I think I would have liked to have been Liza Minelli in Cabaret in that love triangle with those two guys (below).
Anyway, regarding multiple partnerships, I read this article the other day about a social club where people of polyamorous persuasions gather in Manhattan. One woman said it gave her the ability to road test a lot of men at once, therefore taking off the pressure to find Mr Right, the one she was going to settle down and have kids with. Someone else said they divided their partners into primary, secondary and tertiary groupings.
Firstly, can you imagine saying to your partners:
"You are my primary relationship, you are my number two and you are my number three, for when the other two aren't available and I'm feeling as horny as a dog on heat."
Secondly, I can't imagine getting everyone's personal histories straight. I can't remember to turn my car lights off, remember! And can you imagine trying to schedule them all? It would be like a full time job. Double the orgasms but double the work, I reckon.
Thirdly, I have realized I don't want to be anyone's number two, three, four, five or six. I want to be someone's number one and I don't want them having a number two either.
I know polyamory works for some, but I have realized it will never work for me, even though the idea of messing around with a lot of sexy singles has its appeal.
For now, I am in a very good state. I am simply so happy it is getting ridiculous. Yes, there was some rather fabulous sex the other night. But it is also, the Fall weather. It is so unbelievably beautiful here. Oh God what am I going to do if I become too content. What will I do if I am so happy that I have nothing to blog about?
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