Other Brits of note were Darren, husband of my long suffering friend Daisy (Yank). Daisy is the only person in the world who does not believe Darren is certifiable. He had had a busy day. Their washing machine was broken and he had spent a long time taking it apart to find out what was wrong with it. He could not find out what was wrong with it and also could not put it back together. This is a guy who is training to be a dentist. Frankly, I wouldn't let him anywhere near my mouth, or my washing machine for that matter.
To get away from his conversation about whether he should buy a front or top loader, I started talking to a fat guy from Nottingham called Mike, with a long flowing beard and hair.
"I'm doing a degree in military history," he told me. "I'm obsessed with battles."
I was about to ask, "You're not one of those wankers who does battle reenactments are you?" but he beat me to it and said,
"When I lived in England we did Viking reenactments all over the country. It was fantastic."
I gathered he was a bit of a fantasist. But wait, it got worse.
"I saw Twister Sister in concert last year. They were as brilliant as they were twenty years ago."
Er, weren't Twisted Sister heinously embarrassing even in they heyday?
Wait. It got worse.
"I reckon England's got a good chance of beating Croatia to qualify for the European Championships."
I roared with laughter. It was clear that this Viking was severely delusional.
He suggested we all meet for a pub crawl next week and declared that when he lived in Nottingham they'd do twenty-two pubs on an all dayer, but with a fried breakfast in the morning, to settle their stomachs. "Anyone up for it?" he said.
I realized I must have a very serious sense of home sicknesses if I was even considering going on this pub crawl with this Viking, Darren the Crazed Dentist, the Fulham Supporter and assorted other Brits.
Then I realized I wouldn't be able to crawl to more than maybe two or three pubs. I used to be able to crawl with the best of them, but these days, well, three pints are probably my limit.
Alas, my pub crawling days are over ... RIP.
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22 comments:
one last pub crawl cant be such a bad idea. Even if you pass-out on the booze battlefield it'll make for good blog material.
Ahhh, the days when pub-crawling meant literally that, for some who could no longer stand upright.
Honestly, I'm glad not to be interested in that anymore, but if you do decide to take on the challenge, let us know how it all turns out- what you can remember of it, anyway! :)
Oh, go on. Once you're fully larded up you'll be fine!
Great post, I'm so hungry for that English breakfast,
pass me some toast and beans please
Just as well you're not up for a pub crawl anymore. Neither am I.
I've never understood fanatical sport worship. I think it's a form of madness - but imaturity is more likely an explanation. I delight in saying to ardent football fans on a losing side "Calm down. It's only a game." it winds 'em right up.
I don't know if this will work, Emma darlin' - I'll give it a go anyways.
http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2007/landrover-rugby-p1.php
Say it isn't so -- the end of your pub crawling days!
I like a word you introduced me to in this post: "wanker." I'll start using that at once.
yes they are, unless you have a babysitter to get up with the two of yours at 6:30 AM!
although I am due to go out drinking sometime... maybe sometime soon, GF?
Noooo! You can do it! Just get some knee pads and a stack hat (helmet) you'll be fine.
had the utter joy one night of getting on the train at 'barking' near london. it was packed with a small army of english gentlemen soccer supporters who had been on the turps all day. they were the kind of fanatics e-k talked about and after the soccer had finished they had been on a pub crawl. they were drunk and abusive. scariest night of my life.
So a beserk Viking charging into battle doesn't excite you then? What about a bare-legged Roman soldier with javelin in hand?
I've never been one for a pub crawl for one reason- I don't like to give up the seat I've finally managed to find just because someone in your group thinks it's a badge of honour to have visited more than five pubs in one night.
Once I'm sitting, I'm staying.
It's sad isn't it; a second glass of wine sitting in my own sofa is a big night for me these days. I think I'd probably die if I attempted a 7-pint crawl now.
I like Laughing Boy's phrase 'english gentlemen soccer supporters' - what a fine collection of contradictions in terms! I've been on those trains - depending on whether their team won or lost, it can be a hilarious journey, or a terrifying experience!
Oh, and everyone should use the word 'wanker', every day. It's great!
Ok...You have me cracking up!!!!
lol, Fulham = crap club owned by that twat Al Fayed. I'm not a supporter or condoner of certain immigration laws but this man makes me take up Hitlerian view points to get him out of here...
... come and crawl in London, where actually its more of a saunter and shake... (or a flop and a fall)
idighootchandcootch.....It would make for good blog material but I don't think I could cope with the hangover, they get worse with age, I'm just warning you in case you're a fresh faced youth.
sailor...I used to love an all day drinking session. I wasn't really much of a crawler. More a sit in the student union bar all day until they closed type of girl. Should I take up the challenge of the crawl, still in two minds.
luka...my stomach isn't as robust as it used to be.
tkkerouac...yeah, I think I'll just have the fry up and let the rest of them make themselves sick on the pub crawl.
electro-kevin...I used to have such an insatiable longing for cold beer and now I just have a longing for hot chocolate. Sad, so sad. Maybe I am (chuckle) maturing? I can't get the link to work.
lighting bug's butt....British slang words are weird. In England you can call someone a cunt or a wanker and it can be a form of endearment or an insult...it all depends on the tone you use it. So use with care!
kira...I'm pretty sure 22 pints is WAY over my limit.
steph....I'm almost tempted. I suppose I could get someone to take photos of me in various states of vomiting.
laughing boy...at least you learnt a valuable lesson: never go on night trains in London until drunk or it is indeed scary and also very smelly.
gorilla bananas....I suppose a hunky viking could excite me but this guy is no hunk.
misssy m....I feel the same. I prefer a long drinking session in one seat at one pub.
melissaria...or indeed the word 'wankered'. Sadly one never hears it in the USA. "I'm so wankered." Such a beautiful phrase too.
the divas thought's...so pleased I have amused you.
peach....Yeah I will crawl in London one day, in about ten years when the kids can be left home alone!
Pub crawls have the advantage that crawling between pubs takes up time so you don't get as totally hoonered.
Unless it's an all-dayer.
I'd hate to eat a breakfast like that before a pub crawl. I mean, I know pub crawling is a bad idea on an empty stomach, but that breakfast is the heaviest looking thing I've ever seen. I think I'd vomit before my first beer if I ate that.
billy....good point, but walking while drunk also results in stomaches being swirled around and much heaving, so there's pros and cons of pub crawls.
blowing up shit with gas...You kill me man! In the sixties that's what everyone in the UK ate in the mornings...until somebody pointed out that there was even more cholesterol in it than a McDonald's breakfast and they'd die unless they switched to oatmeal.
That link is well worth the effort, Emma.
I hope I'm not teaching you to suck ... (Hnn)
Left click and hold - swipe over all of the text and highlight in blue - right click and a panel should appear - navigate too ..
Easy peasy, darlin'
xxx
Sorry about the tardy reply, but I've just discovered your blog.
And I am a Fulham fan! Why? They have several Americans on the payroll! (And Charlton's gotten relegated.)
Tell your hubby that cheering for Man U is like cheering for the NY Yankees. Money can indeed buy success, but there's no soul in winning that way.
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