So, there was this anthropologist bloke at Harvard called Frank Marlowe, and all the other anthropologists wanted to gouge his eyes out. Why? Because he had somehow managed to wangle a research grant to study the important subject of Why Do Most Men Prefer Big Tits?
Down the pub his friends would glare at him with barely concealed loathing.
"Look at many tits today did you, for your research?" one older prof sporting knee socks and sandals would ask.
"A couple of dozen," Marlowe would reply, smug as you like.
"Big ones?" another sandal wearer would ask.
"Pretty big, yeah."
"You bastard!" one of the graduate students would cry, lunging for Marlowe's throat. "And here's me, having to slave away on my dreary topic, The Extinction of the Australian Pygmies. I'll kill you!"
Once the grant money ran out, old Frank had to publish a paper to justify his, er, research. So he comes up with an evolutionary theory that in ancestral times there were no calendars and women had no concept of time. Since ancestral man relied on visual clues including hip to waist ratio to indicate good fertility, he was largely left scratching his head when he saw a tasty looking bird with nice hips and a tiny waist. His question was always, "Should I bother shagging this lady if she is old (i.e. over sixteen), and consequently maybe not end up with an heir? How the hell can I tell how old she is?"
The answer, which was staring Marlowe in the face, was this: Small tits don't sag so much over time, so are no indicator of age, whereas big ones do sag with age. Consequently, men were attracted to women with big firm tits because they indicated they were young and fertile. Er, right. Well, I suppose it's a convincing enough theory, only, why, via evolution, didn't small breasted women did out if less men wanted to do them? I'll save you another few years 'research' shall I Frank, it's because (most) men will shag anything (female).
I got this info from a book called Why Beautiful People Have More Daughters (yes, no need to point out that I am beautiful and have two daughters, and I'm sure would have had dozens more daughters had husband not had the snip).
Someone else in the book had done research on why humans are the only mammals to have a bell end on the end of their knobs. It is because human females have always been promiscuous, and the combination of thrusting and the wedge on the end of the penis pulled down and expelled much of the sperm ejaculated by the last guy who'd been inside the lady. Please don't ask me how this research was conducted.
Now then, if there are any evolutionary psychologists out there I need you to do a paper on The Evolutionary Function of the Clitoris. If, as some scientists claim, the tremors of female orgasm suck sperm up to the egg, ergo female orgasm is useful if not essential for reproduction, why in the name of God or whoever invented it, is the clitoris the diameter of a pencil eraser and why does it require considerable dexterity to stimulate it? Did primal man stimulate the clitoris while thrusting and expelling the last guy's sperm or did the cave woman stimulate herself? Answers on a postcard please.
Posts
.PNG)
36 comments:
Well I can't give any insight into the evolutionary function of the clitoris, but I do have some comments on breasts.
Over the years, I've encountered all sorts and I have to say that those women with small ones have the last laugh. I find it quite amazing how some women seem to think that having DDs or similar puts them at an advantage.
I've always quite liked small 'uppitys' personally and have never really found Jordan style boobs particularly attractive, although they are good to sleep on and are almost hypnotic when swinging around as a woman sits astride a man.
But they tend to end up as saddle bags unless surgically enhanced. Hence I say your smaller chested woman has the last laugh. Uppitys or at least in proportion get my vote.
If women were too easy to please they'd be as unfussy as men about who they mated with, which would have been a poor reproductive strategy. The reason is that children used to need a committed father to ensure their survival, which wouldn't happen if no man could be sure the children were his. All this might change over time if the nymphos start having lots of children - but will they?
If I had to give an answer it would be this;
Maybe the clitoris was once a lot bigger in size, but due to the cave men's obsession with breasts was largely ignored and over time woman evolved with a smaller and smaller clitoris such was its relative redundancy.
A cautionary tale: use it or lose it.
i can only assume the cave woman didn't fall far from where we are now and she stimulated herself...seems to be the only way to get it done and get it done right is to do it yourself...isn't that the way with most things? however i did meet an irishman who was quite proficient in achieving the goal...and it was a pleasure to participate in the "game"....until it became a game...silly men...
Due to my extensive research on the subject, I feel qualified to make a couple comments here. First, evolutionarily speaking, we have to remember one of the basic misconceptions people have in this regard: that evolution is precipitated by need. In other words, such-and-such animal needed an eye and so it "evolved" one. Large breasts may very likely have helped ancestral women get shagged more by the most suitable males, but the small breasted ones still got shagged because there were plenty of small-penis men to fill that void (pun intended).
Also, you miss the point of the bulging knob on the head of the penis. It's not to expel the last guy's semen, mostly because... ew. It's so the guy's hand doesn't slip off mid-stroke and punch himself in the face.
LMAO at Missy M and Effortlessly Average... Happy New Year Emma x
The 2 leading theories on the relatively small size of the clitoris are that both the clitoris and penis have the same sensory stimulatory function but that:
1 - The clitoris has evolved to be much smaller because, over the millenia, in attaining a comparable level of satisfaction through the equally prevalent art of self stimulation as men, women have had to rub much harder and longer
2 - as F/M oral practice is only latterly catching up on M/F practice, there has been a longer period over which the clitoris has been able to be licked away
These Theories originally emanated from the School of St Belles on the Knobs
midnight....I believe that those who appreciate the smaller perkier breast are far more evolved.
Nevertheless, I'm afraid you have dissapointed me, I thought you could use your brain for coming up with a good theory about whether the clitoris is some sort of cosmic joke etc.
gorilla bananas...I believe there is something to your theory. The difficulty in giving a woman an orgasm meant you had to be committed to fiddling around with the clit, which proved you would be committed to looking after the kids and changing their fur diapers for the next few years.
misssy m....You are hilarious!!
use it or lose it
Very wise words!
daisy.....Yes, I think you're onto something, I do believe that the cavewoman stimulated herself much of the time.
effortlessly average...
It's so the guy's hand doesn't slip off mid-stroke and punch himself in the face.
Sir, you are too fucking hilarious and not at all average!!
Having My Cake....hmm, too busy rolling around in bed with Ruf to answer one of the most pressing questions of 2007?
does it matter who I am...
interesting new theory...that the clitoris has been licked to a smaller nub like a stick of rock. Brilliant theory. Maybe you should write a book called The Mystery of the Shrinking Clitoris - Solved
It's a testosterone thing, isn't it? High levels lead to more assertiveness, strength, and that ever useful in primitive environments trait--agression. Women with higher testosterone counts have smaller breasts and a larger clitoris.
Just another way the man kept us down, sister.
'does it matter who I am...
interesting new theory...that the clitoris has been licked to a smaller nub like a stick of rock. Brilliant theory. Maybe you should write a book called The Mystery of the Shrinking Clitoris - Solved'
Accepting the possibility that, as a lady Brit, you might be taking the proverbial, there is a third option comes to mind which is that, in view of its relative location, it may have been eroded away to almost nothing....
ah, it's late and my SOH goes walkabout when I'm tired.....LOL....have fun....
As i understand it...men love the chase. So if the clit was bigger, and they didn't have to work to find it...what joyment and sense of adventure is in it for them?
of course the answer to that is, who the fuck cares...just find it.
Dont worry, Emma, Im going to be rolling around with Ruf in the interests of researching the most pressing question of the century! You see, Im selfless, me :)
Oh Emma, can you write about something nice,.. like baking bread once in a while? The social services will take your children away, they will you know.
helen....A good theory!! That said I am agressive yet have average sized breasts and clitoris!!
does it matter who I am?...true, the clitoris could have eroded away, like the White Cliffs of Dover or should that be the White Clit of Dover?
kara...a very funny theory. Men have kept going all these years with a game of hunt the clitoris. I bet it wasn't easy either in cavewoman times when women were probably very hairy and sported bushes the size of small rodents.
having my cake...thank God I have someone doing proper field research on this. Let me know what you found out when you come up for air!
ms robinson...so it is sauce for the gander and not for the goose is it? I mean, sure, Gorilla Bananas is allowed to write prurient theories about women's breasts and I am not simply because my womb twice held bambinos? This is a clear cut case of womb prejudice.
It really isn't the size of the boobs but the attitude of them that counts.
The chap in the clitoris video needs some instruction.
My theory of the evolution of the clitoris ?
It is easy to stimulate and doesn't require any physical effort to do so (we men are such lazy bastards). It lends itself to the activity of foreplay ... hold that thought.(Foreplay)
Why is foreplay so important in human reproduction ?
It helps the female to select a selfless mate - one who is likely to care enough to stick around for the child rearing afterwards.
My CSE in metal work didn't go to waste after all.
Happy New Year, Emma
xx
electro-kevin...ha ha, you were the only one who noticed the guy in the video was fiddling and rubbing in much too frantic a fashion!
The foreplay theory is a good theory...only as far as I know the concept of foreplay has only this century gained popularity and most marriages used to be business contracts where you had to endure your husband's conjugal rights.
This is a tough nut to crack all right.
By 'attitude' with regard to boobs - yes, I meant feistiness.
I like boobs that seem to say "What the hell do you think you're looking at ?"
They don't have to be large to say that - just perky.
Oh, I know ... breast feeding and age ... Well I'm grateful for anything to tell you the truth, but even if yours have gone 'down south' a bit, ladies, don't worry - us chaps really appreciate a little effort be it a push-up bra or low cut basque (no need for surgery.)
If it's any comfort to ya the angle of my jib ain't quite what it used to be but my old man's still got 'attitude' - "Come here, baby - let's get jiggy !" The issue of trajectory is entirely down to your skill, ladies and your efforts in putting on a bit of lippy and sparkly stuff.
;-)
yeah but hang on that was one of them big urban myths some yrs ago "if the woman doesn't come she cannot get pregnant" yeah RIGHT!!
Oh that's just hilarious...reminds me of one of the tales I heard about a Cambridge student who did a research degree into porn; being a copyright library, the Cambridge Uni library has piles and piles of the stuff, mostly kept under lock and key except for genuine academic need - this guy must have been the most popular chap in his little ivory tower. The Dirty Bastard.
There's a sad drawback to bigger boobs; most pretty, feminine, strappy tops make you look like a ten quid hooker. It was fab when I used to go out on the pull, not so great now I spend my time around married couples.
You really have to give the academia crowd points if they can create a fun research assignment. Let's be honest - most peer review stuff is shlock and useful only by people forced to go on EBSCOhost for assignments (in most cases, they're not even smart enough to decipher what they're forced to look through - LET ALONE able to stay awake through the reading of it). Thus, it's a welcome relief to know that people are out there with the rest of the world in mind.
That said, I hope you find your answer. When you do, send it to those vermin who don't have a use for the clitoris and want it removed in their bizarre ritual BS.
Have a good weekend and a great new year!!!
'does it matter who I am?...true, the clitoris could have eroded away, like the White Cliffs of Dover or should that be the White Clit of Dover?'
Assuming that you making a some connection to the Great British researcher, Ben Dover, on further reflection I don't think he has quite the right angle to enable him to grind that theory along until it reaches a nub in attaining any general acceptance, despite his dogged pursuit of this over the years
that was me up there who deleted a comment, sorry possum!
I was rambling on and finally I got bored of myself! it happens often.
anyway, my only guess for why our clitoris is so small is GOOD things come in small packages.
I always get SUCH an education when I come here. You're providing a sound community service you know. Keep it up :P
Em I do in fact have a theory but it is probably just G&T induced bollocks.
My theory is that men will obviously pay plenty of attention to breasts as they are kind of in your face and obviously the adult male's equivalent of bouncy castles.
The clitoris was invented so that a woman would know if a bloke really could be arsed to actually make sure the female got her fair share of pleasure or was just interested in wham bam, thank you maam.
That's my take on it anyway. I just had breasts on my brain the other night.
I took time out from cleanign up after the christmas bedlem here in this house to read a few blogs. I read this whole entry of yours. I laughed alot and I also learned alot..I think....see, at 36 and after having had 4 kids and being a nurse since age 15 I thought Iknew everything..nah, not really, but I wish I did...then I could send youa post card with the answer you require....a post card from Down Under...would it suffice? LOL
Interesting thought! The only thing that it's difficult to answer is that how good the cave men and women knowledge on clitoris? Did they stimulate it?
Considerable dexterity may be needed as clitoris is hard to see, i suppose and men might have been presuming where they are.
emma...don't worry about social services (i am one and wouldn't take your kids...lol)...if you have a run in give me buzz i know all the right things to say ;)
happy new year to you and thank you so much for all you share on your blog...it is a delight...my new years wish for you is that you don't run out of subjects and that your intuition stays intact and leads you through your trials...
Actually, I heard that there was a animal episode describing a species of monkey with a flared penis head used for the same purpose.
Evolution? Are you saying we came from monkeys? I'm sorry, but God created my clitoris by intelligent design.
(Sorry, I just spent a week in Kansas. I'm hoping to be deprogrammed by the New Year.)
Australian pigmies? I swear my sister is one of those!
One of life's enigmas... if breeding selectively determined how we all looked like, then surely we would never have had such talents as Alfred Hitchcock... Mel Brooks... Madonna... Benito Mussolini, etc.
I'm still chuckling about men punching themselves in the face.
Happy New Year Emma
Modo (a distant cousin of Johnny Huxley)
A clitty
is as pretty
as a fluffy little kitty.
No male would ever snub it
men like to lick and rub it
and put their dick beside it.
Next time you rub your clit
Please remember it
is a human being too!
have a wonderful 2008 young EmmaK and may next year be a bountiful on for you and yours!
gledwood...Come on now, it's absolutely true!
melissaria...I'm sure you don't resemble a ten dollar hooker darling.
bumble....I know, amazing that he got grant money to fund it!
does it matter who I am....Actually Ben Dover and I did quite a lot of research on what the best position for optimum grinding was and I'm pretty sure you will read our research paper soon.
betty...Nice sentiment but do good things really come in small packages? Like I want a whole box of chocolates not just one of those single ones in a tiny box you know?
steph....Sometimes I think I should become an academic but I wouldn't be able to keep a straight face presenting that paper on Why Men Prefer Big Tits.
midnight...good point only I have known men who sleep with you and who rub away etc to give you an orgasm for hours/days if need be, simply because their ego isn't adequately satisfied until you come rather than because they actually give a fuck if you do. Which confuses the whole evolutionary theory a tad.
cazzie...yeah send me a post card from down under please.
spew it all...I don't think the cave man could have stimulated it because it would have been lost in mounds of hair unless it was as big as say a small penis back in the day.
daisy...thanks for your kind words. I am going to try and not be such a cynic in 2008 but it is going to be hard going!
desirea madison...some monkeys have orgasms did you know that??
marcelle manhattan....I know your clitoris was created by intelligent design but we can't all have the Hummer of Clitorises like you darling ;)
vi vi voom...how can she be, I read that they had died out?? last of the breed perhaps?
lucien modo.....happy new year to you to and do send Johnny my love! x
ron knee....that is such a sweet poem. I'm touched, and so is my clit.
mermaid of moorgate....may you have a wonderful 2008 too and meet Mr Right!
Johnny is now beyond all that, sad to say.
Post a Comment