(This is a letter written as if I am a celebrity because I feel like I will be soon, why I don't know, just a feeling)...
As 2007 draws to a close, I would like to thank you all so much for buying my CD and my book called Poor Little Self-Centred Bitch Trod On Everyone To Get To The Top, making me very rich and allowing me to have imported chunks of glacier ice in my scotch and allowing me to have very attractive rent boys servicing my every need day and night. Thank you.
To Master Bates who sent me the multi functional sex toy kit...can I just say...
thank you so much! I spent all of Christmas putting it together and it really made my Christmas go with a bang.
I also gave the nanny the day off for an hour last Saturday so I could pose for these loving photos with my kids (what are their names again??)
Also, I know that so many of you have asked for my breasts when you go to have plastic surgery and that the EmmaK Smile® is now the most requested smile surgery in LA. But I do have my off days, just like you. I do have periods too, although the blood is scented with my signature perfume Musk d'Emma.
To prove that I can sometimes look almost ordinary, I give you the photo below. This is a great fun competition, so please can you put a humorous caption beneath it. Prizes include many copies of Poor Little Self-Centred Bitch Trod On Everyone To Get To The Top plus gallons of Musk d'Emma.
And now all there is to say is I love you all so much. If I could I would sleep with every one of you (provided you'd had an HIV test first and wore a full body condom).
May 2008 be full of blessings,
Emma
xxxx
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21 comments:
I just want the ultimate "I was Emma's teenage rent boy* t-shirt. It will be bigger than "Frankie Says Relax"
I'll come back to you on the caption.
You ARE a star and even stars have their off moments at 6am helping wild with excitement children open presents. I forgive you for the less than perfect picture and will stand by you in all that you do - even wearing fur off a still-wriggling badger and eating whale burgers with full fat mayonaise.
Love your work!
xx
You are a superstar, don't ever forget it. And I love that you still remain so down to earth with it all. Love you too.
How about: "I Didn't know this one was the anatomically model."
A Happy New Year to you. Check out the give-away on my blog. I think that you'll be glad you did.
http://organizeddoodles.blogspot.com/
I hope your premonition proves correct. You're giving that doll such a dirty look. "Die, Bitch!" is what you must have been thinking.
"Barbie wasn't wearing Musk d'Emma when I went down on her"
Happy New Year Chick! BG x
Happy New Year to you too.....have a great one n all that jazz.....
"Since when did Barbie start using my patented Emma breasts too??
"See I was right, that was musk d'emma I thought I could detect earlier" says little girl as mummy rips the head off her dolly
Much as I love you dear, if I win can I just have the CD and leave the runner up the perfume, thanks
best wishes for 2008
So, how do we get your book?
Happy New Year, Great Post!!!
you have an excellent frown!
best wishes for the new year x
midnight....intriguing. How much do you charge? ;)
betty.... Thank you. I feel that sometimes one has to post pictures that are less than perfect to be able to relate with one's proletariat fans.
jules...I am pretty down to earth aren't I? Although I did have to fire my assistant the other day for putting six rather than the regulation four cubes of glacier ice into my scotch. silly girl.
rick...you are a funny boy. I will check out your blog.
gorilla bananas....actually I think I'd just been given the doll by Sausage to close the velcro fasteners, although it's hard to know what I was thinking because it was christmas morning and I'd had no coffee when Scarlett snapped this pic.
benefitscroungingscum...You have won a prize for that! A lorry load of Musk d'Emma is winging its way towards you as we speak!
manuel...and a happy new year to you you sexy little spaniard.
sailor....wonderful caption! I am sending you a copy of my book sprayed liberally with my signature scent.
rilly super....you have bloody well won and you will take the three cases of out of date musk perfume if I have to hand deliver them up north. sorry, lost my rag there for a moment.
tk kerouac....I believe the book is available in many stores in China, Korea and even some parts of Papua New Guinea.
bittersweet me...oh don't remind me. It's time for my bi monthly botox injection.
Em I need to build a portfolio of references to enable me to establish a client base, so I offer a try before you buy scheme for discerning customers. So payment is purely in kind until further notice.
midnight...So payment is purely in kind until further notice
I am happy to take you up on your generous offer, assuming, of course, that your penis extends 4,000 miles?
I think I know you well enough to assume that it does.
Ok, here's a caption for that picture:
"Since losing her sight, Emma was often frustrated by the Braile Barbie doll."
effortlessly average....that is a genius caption!
Blessings to you too, Emma.
You funny.
Oh - nearly forgot.
You look hot ...
Phwoar ! ;-)
electro-kevin...wow so you are a Christmas sweater fetishist and a dressing gown fetishist. I never knew train drivers were so kinky! ;)
Emma -
Of course train drivers are kinky. It has something to do with that whole "train entering the tunnel" thing we men can't say without snickering.
My caption:
"OK, kids! It's time for... "The Talk". Gods and Goddesses! I wish I had her figure!"
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