Swiss porn misses its peak

To some, trains are the ultimate erotic instrument, to others they are instruments of erotic torture.

For example, because many Japanese men spend most of their lives on commuter trains, eyeing up girls and wishing they could grope them, there are now sex clubs in Japan which are a mock up of a crowded commuter car in which you're allowed to feel up the women. A friend told me he went to one where ten female customers (prostitutes dressed as commuters) and ten male customers (punters) get into the chikan-densha (pervert train), which is called so because women call "Chikan!" to humiliate gropers on real subways. In this subway sex club men can grope the girls to their hearts content.

On the other hand, my English friend Carl suffered at the hands of a train. He told me that he had to ejaculate some sperm into a cup while his wife waited in the next room of the hospital. They were doing some kind of fertility treatment whereby they were going to spin his sperm together with ten other vials of his stuff to make some supersperm to penetrate his wife's world-weary egg.

At first he thought he was going to be all right, as he slipped what was labelled 'Swiss porn' into the video machine. But he soon found that his engine would not start. The problem was that it was one of those bizarre black and white sixties films in which every time a couple is about to do the dirty the shot cuts away to a train rushing through a tunnel or thundering through some snow capped mountains. Now and again there would be a shot of a woman's face contorted in ecstasy, but it was too bizarre to be arousing for a Brit. Had he been Japanese, his matter would have been dispatched into a plastic cup quicker than you can say shout "Chikan!" As it was, he had to switch off the video and resort to his own sordid imaginatings to get the job done.

As for myself, I do often have dreams about doing it on shuddering moving objects, but then I wake up and find that I fell asleep on top of the washing machine, with the spin cycle going full throttle. What about you? Have you ever done it on a moving object ; ?