The E-Spot: Feel Jane's Pain

The E-Spot is a problem page for people who are tired of the wishy-washy pscychobabble of Dr Phil. Please email me your problem at emma.theespot@[remove]gmail.com (please say if you wish to remain anonymous).

Yes, I want to talk about the rich today. And how they suffer. For example, imagine how you'd feel if you got a $67,000 Lexus for your birthday as this teen did.. And now imagine the shocking disappointment to find it was delivered on the wrong day. You'd be crying too, of course.



I think it's high time we had some sympathy for rich people such as Lady Jane, who wrote to me the other day in deep distress. Thankfully, this was an easy question to answer, but before you dismiss rich people as just spoilt brats with nothing to complain about, think again. Even rich people need your sympathy.

Did you know that these are the three most common forms of suicide amongst rich people:



1. Cocaine - alas many have too much money and can only buy the highest quality coke. Consequently they do not OD because the coke is not cut with floor cleaner etc.

2. Many rich women have fatal horse riding accidents. Fatal for the horses, yet, alas, the ladies are usually quite unharmed.

3. Car crash in daddy's sports car under the influence of drugs/drink.

But did you also know that many rich people are too proud to just kill themselves and suffer in silence. And if you think you can help Lady Jane, do go right ahead, but I think I've got this one sewn up.

Dear The E-Spot,

I am 26 and thoroughly fed up with the rut of unhappiness in which I've been stuck for a long time. I believe a lot of my troubles stem from the fact that my parents did almost nothing to prepare me for life after school.

Having vast sums of cash can stir great depths of guilt, unworthiness and resentment. I was pushed through a boarding school, where I was badly bullied. My father gave me no encouragement in the one thing I loved, horse-riding. I was totally unprepared for what came next - a large amount of money in a trust fund and no advice about what to do with it.

I feel very angry with my parents, particularly my father. Their inability to talk about money was a major factor in their divorce.

His unspoken view is that it is desperately vulgar to discuss money, while my mother let him make all the financial decisions.

Since graduating from university, I've had a series of pointless, badly paid jobs, interspersed with some volunteer work for charities, while living between my parents' homes.

I think it's good for me to be employed but, since I don't need the money, there is no motivation for me to stick anything out.

I suffer from severe anxiety attacks, mood swings and bouts of depression. I have tried various therapies, but I refuse to take any medication. I don't want to surrender ownership of my emotions to some pharmaceutical company.

I feel there is no one I can talk to, though I sometimes ring the Samaritans. Because I have not actually earned my money I have no concept of its worth, and I feel like my trust fund manager is a fire-breathing dragon.

I would like to make a home of my own, but if I spend my money on a house it would mean having to forgive my father and be grateful. I feel locked in a cycle of despair. If you could give me just a few nuggets of impartial advice I would be immensely grateful.

Lady Jane

Dear Lady Jane,

While I sympathize with your plight, I'm going to go all Eastern on you. It's pretty obvious that the burden of having too much money lies heavily on your Prada-clad shoulders. It's also equally obvious that, as Buddha once said, "the only way you will find enlightenment is by giving away your worldly goods and living a life of meditation and wearing only a hair shirt." If you are still living in your house in Chelsea, that's fine, just move out and live in a dog kennel at the end of your garden and let your six storey town house be inhabited by the homeless. You will feel much better immediately!

I know, I know, you're wondering what to do with your cash. Well, let me save you a huge amount of bother. Send the whole huge cheque to me at The E-Spot, PO Box 4567, New Delhi, India. It will be put to good use.

God bless you my child! And good luck.

The E-Spot