It's Official - Porn Pays

Fact is, I feel good. I feel like Sly Stone dancing under that rainbow. I feel real good. Even the fact that a drummer from Abba - one of my favorite bands of all time - kicked the bucket this week, didn't make me break down, and don flared black spandex as a mark of respect and have a wake for the poor guy (Ola Brunkert...I know, never heard of him). I simply stayed grinning inanely. Fact is, I am insanely happy right now without really knowing why.

I am also feeling a warm glow in the pit of my guts. It's good to know that - because of me - because of my skill in crafting explosive sexual imagery, people are masturbating to my books in two countries. In England people are fiddling with their sausages, while in Germany they are manhandling their bratwursts to my highly erotic novel Lured by Lust.



The German cover is very subtle and erotic and the new English one isn't too bad either:



I wonder if Germans don't like their erotic covers quite so in their face??

I have realized that I should never have taken my mum's advice which was, "Don't write porn, it will bring disgrace onto the family." Fine mum, but sex pays. And pays. The market has spoken. Emma's porn is currently in demand in the UK and in Germany and Emma is penning porn as we speak. She is also writing some other stuff too. She is in something of a creative frenzy actually and your bookshelves should be heaving with her stuff soon.

In other news, the market spoke to literary lovely Ms. Robinson



MS ROBINSON BACK ON THE MARKET

After three months of abstinence, Ms. Robinson decided this celibacy lark was not all it was cracked up to be. She is now back in the saddle and loving it.

She says: "Ms R knows the deal right now and while it works for her she'll let it happen. There is always a trade off, no matter where you invest - long or short term. Everything we do involves some degree of speculation and right now, this seems as good a place as any to re enter the market."



MIDDY SHOWS HIS LATEST PUSSY THE CAT-FLAP

Sexy man about town Midnight Meandering has recently had a flurry of female cats purring under his expert paws. While he is delighted that he is attracting the attentions of so many purrfect pussies, he finds that the women tend to be a bit needy. Consequently, he recently had to show a lovely specimen nicknamed Fit N Forty the proverbial cat-flap. Our paws are crossed for you Middy my dear that you may have better luck in the future!




NEED CHAUFFEUR - WILL PAY IN BLOWJOBS

Saucy aussie lass Steph fears she may lose her licence and is offering a once in a lifetime offer to any man with a vehicle (a three wheeler will do). But before you start polishing up your car please note that only applicants in the Sydney area will be considered.

That's it. And now, please join me in a one minute silence for Ola Brunkert who this week met his Waterloo.