My husband came back after ten days away in London/Dublin and I had one of those God only knows what I'd be without you moments. I fell on him like a rabid animal. I said, "I didn't know what I had really, until you were gone." I realized I hadn't appreciated him for so long. Love hit me like a rush.
Firstly, I realized I loved him for the task he'd completed. He'd been in London in my dad's basement (dad now deceased, my stuff had to be removed from stinking mouldy basement) and removed tons of my photo albums, personal effects etc. and drove them in a van back to Ireland. Okay, then he did have a few drinks with his buddies in Dublin, but still, not exactly much of a holiday?
Where love is concerned isn't it always actions speak louder than words? You were getting filthy in a stinking basement for me. Speaks louder than a thousand boxes of chocolates, what?
The usual things happened while husband was away. Car broke down. Battery dead. Coolant flooded out of wherever coolant is stored. Car stank like burning rubber or burning coolant and I thought it would explode.
Children drove me cuckoo. One of the kids, Sausage, had worms one day. No of course I didn't go to the doctor, I just bought some pills at the chemist and it seemed to do the trick.
Otherwise, total anarchy ruled in the house. My husband is the disciplinarian and I am Ms Slack. The four year old tyrant known as Sausage ruled the roost.
Still, Sausage is worth her weight in gold regarding quotes. We were watching Dodgeball in which one of the female stars hugs and kisses her girlfriend, at which point Sausage goes hopping mad and says: "Why are those two girls kissing each other? Because they are crazy?"
To which I reply the usual old fashioned spiel: "Sometimes when two women love each other they get married." Well, I don't want to get into all the er, ins and outs now do I?
Sausage really doesn't get lesbians. She is pretty keen on her young, buff swimming instructor Chris. Last week I watched her clutching onto the back of his swim shorts as he dragged her behind him. It looked like she was trying to yank them down at one point.
Later I asked her, "Why were you trying to pull Chris' shorts down?"
The answer was obvious:
"I wanted to look up his bum bum to see if he had worms."
Who am I? Displaced Londoner now living in the States with my two little girlies and long suffering husband. Co-author of hilarious parenting book Cocktails at Naptime www.cocktailsatnaptime.com
My mom's an Austrian, my dad's a Brit, which makes me a Britaustrian, or possibly an Austrish?