The other day I briefly glanced at a Reality TV program in which F list celebrities tried to do magic tricks called - I kid you not - Celebracadabra. It was at that point that I realized that the Reality TV craze was officially over. That it was a dead fish flopping around at the bottom of someone's trousers.If only TV executives would take inspiration from some of the geniuses in the blogosphere. Clint, for example, is a mind-blowing genius who has a great idea for a reality series featuring the ups and downs of his penis. Oh yes, Clint has put his penis where his mouth is and launched this brilliant series on twitter (a site which has made stalking a doddle for psychos everywhere). I for one would love to see this diary turned into a reality series.
Sample entries from Clint's Penis:
Is tired of being curled up in this dungeon and is ready for velvety soft caves of warmth and prosperity. or vagina. whatever.
Is growling at the zipper.
Is singing along to Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here". But can't stay in tune. It's muffled cuz Clint won't unfuckingzip his pants a little
Would really like it if Clint blew the cigarette smoke in my face. That son of a bitch knows I'm at my wit's end....er....wit's head.
The theme tune to the series would obviously be that ode to masturbation Hold on Loosely, the lyrics of which go:
Just Hold On Loosely
But don't let go
If you cling too tightly
you're gonna lose control
This is an amazing new trend. Soon penises could be stars in their own right! Wouldn't that be incredible? Why shouldn't the common or garden penis become a star, say I.
Oh monkey nuts, I think I've started something. My phone is already ringing off the hook ...there seem to be a lot of celebrity penises who think they have what it takes. I might sign Hasselhoff if he has a Brazilian...
I also want ideas for what other vegetables/animals/inanimate objects could have their own reality shows in which they do stuff other than sitting around looking gormless or bitch fighting?
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32 comments:
I went to the Penis Man's website and now have him linked. Is it just me or are all you Brits light years funnier than us 'Ricans?
I know the answer to that, actually.
Not that interested in penises.
I have some fresh ideas for putting some cunts on TV though.
How about getting a bunch of cunts and teaching them how to dance, then we could vote for the cunt that dances the best ??
No wait....let's get a bunch of cunts and make them all sing songs and we can vote for the cunt we think is the best singer.
Hey, what about sticking a bunch of really big cunts in a house together for months and then slowly voting cunts out of the house until there's just one super-cunt left.
And we could call it 'Big Cunt'...
Lol David Hasselhoff with a Brazilian.
The Penis Man is very funny.
Twitter Penis theme song? :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8bRs6KWDsc0
I'm so sick of Reality shows....except maybe the talent-based ones
Mikey Hasselhoff is more penis than anyone can take surely...?
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i don't know if the penis thing is going to work...unless a great deal of viagra is purchased to keep the interest er um stiff...
Hey this penis bloke is clever.
Penis is an anagram of snipe, so the diary is really about.....a snipe.
Genius.
I saw a film last night called Idiocrisy.
Not in itself a good film, but a good concept nonetheless ...
... evolution does not favour IQ, simply the ability to reproduce. As our societies make life easier and easier for dolts the less intelligent people want to breed.
Expect a programme called Ow ! My Balls ! Sometime soon.
(Basically a reality programme in which a bloke gets his balls battered in different ways each week appealing to the low IQ of the viewers.)
The world is full of very strange people...
suzy....I know I am biased but Brits really are the funniest people in the world. That said if I liked Brits that much I'd still be living in the UK...;)
fingers....Big Cunt. I like this idea one helluva lot. The cunts could have different hairstyles and wear different panties. I could get you a job on the show as a stylist if you like.
gargamello.....
Brilliant tune you recommended!
I suggested to Clint (penis man) that I get my clit its own twitter account but he wisely told me: "i strongly suggest getting your clit an account. just watch out for stalkers as males usually don't have the brain capacity to handle such evocative things as a clit's twitter account. amazingly fucked up as that sounds."
The world is not ready to see my clit as the superstar it really is.
Mars...
I'm so sick of Reality shows....
I know, who the hell even watches Flavor of Love???
Steve...
Hasselhoff is far and away the biggest penis I have ever seen. Do you remember that priceless quote he gave once:
Beyond its entertainment value, Baywatch has enriched and, in many cases, helped save lives. I'm looking forward to the opportunity to continue with a project which has had such a significance for so many.
I bow down to you, oh great one, oh Ueberpenis!!
gilbert the alien...
don't get many aliens on the blog. Can you clear something up for me, do aliens have penises?
electro-kevin...
... evolution does not favour IQ, simply the ability to reproduce. As our societies make life easier and easier for dolts the less intelligent people want to breed.
Please don't depress me Kev. I always take comfort in the fact that morons frequently drive cars while drunk and die, OD on drugs or simply set themselves on fire while having a fag in bed. All the chavs will not reproduce because of the law of morons meaning that many retards unwittinly kill themselves.
having my cake...
The world seems to be divided into bores and wierdos...so I will take wierdos!!
suzy....Also I believe Clint (penis guy) is an american from Alabama!! so you have funny ones here too.
daisy.....Well Viagra would obviously be the sponsor of the show!!
Yes, I have a penis the size of a Blue Whale......an alien Blue Whale.
It never ceases to amaze me the creativity that men's dicks inspire in ... men.
Have you seen that penis puppetry show they have over here? I think it originated in Oz.
It's bloody funny even if it is a bit wierd.
I couldn't read any of that, couldn't avert my gaze from the Hoff.
gilbert the alien...wow. you really need to get a blog to be able to display your big blue whale.
gabrielle...I thought Clint's Penis diary was really quite cute. It was like reading about a pet.
midnight...I think I know what you're talking about...but I was really looking for new ideas for reality TV like for example don't you think your cats could have a show called Middy's Pussy Patrol?
xbox4nappyrash....I'm using the Hoffs picture as a sort of diet aid. Every time I feel peckish I look at that shot and for some reason I lose my appetite.
There's a woman who collects pictures of her readers' penises and posts them on her blog. She comments on them as if they're works of art. Unfortunately I've misplaced her URL.
I say we put porn stars and celebrities together, in an apartment, and watch the sparks not fly. Oh wait. MTV already did that.
You're right. Reality TV is dead when you can't find something else for porn stars to do besides the usual lick and stick...
Penis's. I used to know one in particular very well. Been to shy to look closely at many of the others :)
To me, they are just like woman's breasts ( well not figuratively speaking) - all different shapes and sizes and types and what is cool for one woman might be a laughing stock for another.
My idea for a reality show is the nude ski lodge - self explanatory really. Let's see how ridiculous all of us look with our clothes off!
My penis already is a star in its own right.
You got major exposure on my blog today along with.....carnal passion. Thanks for the post. It's funny that commenter of yours thought I was from the UK. LOL
I'm from Alabama. Born and raised. Just one of the aliens that was stationed there until Mars fixes its toilet problem.
rocco tool...I never saw that reality show but from all the porn stars I've known and I've only known a handful, they are really insecure and awful people who always have to have someone staring at their tits or they break down. I think porn stars definately should be seen and not heard.
sparsely kate.....
nude ski lodge
This is a great idea for a reality show. Let's see how great even porn stars and celebs look naked. Actually I'd like to have a reality show in a sauna too - no one looks good in a sauna and one's hair goes all stringy.
Troika...
My penis already is a star in its own right.
Do let me know what channel your penis is airing on so I can tune in.
clint....I really do admire your penis diary because you are not taking yourself seriously. Also you seem to be who I would be if I was a man - daft, funny, irreverent and writing a penis diary.
Hey be proud to be compared to a Brit ...they're a funny bunch! (some of them)
i am proud to be compared to it. it was a major compliment. i told suzy. and yes. you described me to a T. and i don't take anything fucking seriously in regards to life. it's just a timeline of events and none of probably exists. except to ourselves. so laugh it up before this shithouse burns down. as jim morrison would kinda say.
all the funniest comedy is from brits. the office. the brit version is soooo much funnier.
clint....
I tried to post a comment on your blog but those wordpress blogs can be a bitch so dunno if that worked. What I had to write were words of genius so I will write them here about your post on positions:
Very informative stuff. Note to self...Don't try the piledriver, it's torture. Frankly I've never understood why books of sexual positions are even published, I mean there are millions of ways to skin a cat and to put a penis in a vagina right? so who needs diagrams?
It's like there is a fruitcake called Betty Dodson who runs how to masturbate seminars where women lie around with vibrators up their bits. I mean she teaches women to masturbate!! Funny what? Like what do these women think they have hands for? Amazing!
Also, I was intrigued that you have managed to give women G-Spot orgams. I have tried on myself but it was a bit like trying to get blood out of a stone. We can't all be peniuses like you eh Clint?
thanks for the laughing out loud wit and stories. the piledriver is painful. and i totally agree with your opinion of sex position books and masturbation.
i found that sometimes you have to rub the g-spot during a sex session or before actual in/out sex. do the come hither motion or circles.
it will feel good but it won't give you a gspot based orgasm.
then try it again before you have intercourse. then again...and EVENTUALLY, you will achieve a gspot orgasm. a male's ego usually gets in the way of this when he's getting fingery. but male's just gotta let that shit go and keep trying. got to be dedicated in order to succeed with your woman and her gspot.
blah.
but you probably knew all that. with your brains and vagina and all working together. male brains and penises are separate entities.
Pshaw - have you not seen the episode of the the Farm where Beckham-shagging micro-celebirty Rebecca Loos wanks an animal to collect its semen? Now THAT's reality TV.
Penis diary sounds good. When i was a kid i used to draw imaginary cartoon character called 'walking dick'. Maybe having series of penis look-like puppets will be great!
i don't know that a penis' conversational skills would be all that more interesting than its owners. so by that rationale...the Hoff's would say something like "i'm so hot in germany" and i'd have to be all "next".
Well, I tried to hold on loosely, but I kept punching myself in the face when my hand would slip off.
effortlessly average...
lol
oh Christ, don't hang on too loosely
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