The other day I briefly glanced at a Reality TV program in which F list celebrities tried to do magic tricks called - I kid you not - Celebracadabra. It was at that point that I realized that the Reality TV craze was officially over. That it was a dead fish flopping around at the bottom of someone's trousers.
If only TV executives would take inspiration from some of the geniuses in the blogosphere. Clint, for example, is a mind-blowing genius who has a great idea for a reality series featuring the ups and downs of his penis. Oh yes, Clint has put his penis where his mouth is and launched this brilliant series on twitter (a site which has made stalking a doddle for psychos everywhere). I for one would love to see this diary turned into a reality series.
Sample entries from Clint's Penis:
Is tired of being curled up in this dungeon and is ready for velvety soft caves of warmth and prosperity. or vagina. whatever.
Is growling at the zipper.
Is singing along to Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here". But can't stay in tune. It's muffled cuz Clint won't unfuckingzip his pants a little
Would really like it if Clint blew the cigarette smoke in my face. That son of a bitch knows I'm at my wit's end....er....wit's head.
The theme tune to the series would obviously be that ode to masturbation Hold on Loosely, the lyrics of which go:
Just Hold On Loosely
But don't let go
If you cling too tightly
you're gonna lose control
This is an amazing new trend. Soon penises could be stars in their own right! Wouldn't that be incredible? Why shouldn't the common or garden penis become a star, say I.
Oh monkey nuts, I think I've started something. My phone is already ringing off the hook ...there seem to be a lot of celebrity penises who think they have what it takes. I might sign Hasselhoff if he has a Brazilian...
I also want ideas for what other vegetables/animals/inanimate objects could have their own reality shows in which they do stuff other than sitting around looking gormless or bitch fighting?
6 hours ago