Question of the day:
How many partners makes you a sex addict?
A. 40
B. 400
C. 345
D. 632
Did you get it right?
Yes, it's forty. Forty measly men makes a sex addict!
I just read a review of self styled sex addict Kerry Cohen's book Loose Girl: A Memoir of Promiscuity. Kerry apparently can barely remember all of the 40-odd men she's slept with (her list includes "that guy with the dog" and "the one who kept talking during sex as though we were just hanging out")
At first I checked my calendar. It wasn't April 1st. This wasn't some ridiculous practical joke.
Forty men.
FORTY!
I'm sorry, but forty doesn't make you an addict. You just felt desperate, slept with a handful of people to shore up your fragile self-esteem, they didn't like you the next day, you felt like shit. Ergo you're an addict? I don't think so.
I'm getting a little tired of half-arsed addicts.
What if I said to you, I confess....I am addicted to chewing my cuticles.
I'm a Cuticle Chewing Addict.
I have chewed through six pounds of cuticles over the years.
Can I be helped?
Can I break free from this powerful addiction?
Would you have any sympathy for me?
Thought not.
Other made up 'addictions' include:
Those who are caught in flagrante with someone other than their partner. Their excuse: "I was asleep."
Yes, if you ever need a convenient excuse to get yourself out of a hole, say you have the medical disorder known as Sleepus Bonkimus, otherwise known as: sleep sex.
Also, no, please don't laugh, there are actually people who blame being fat on a disorder they call: Stuffing my face all night and then pretending I didn't, otherwise known as: sleep
eating. For your information, sleep eating is a sleep-related disorder, although some specialists consider it to be a combination of a sleep and an eating disorder. It is a relatively rare and little known condition that is gaining recognition in sleep medicine. Other names for sleep eating are sleep-related eating (disorder), nocturnal sleep-related eating disorder (NS-RED), and sleep-eating syndrome.Sleep eating is characterized by sleepwalking and excessive nocturnal overeating (compulsive hyperphagia).
If there are any doctors or addiction specialists out there, can you explain why sleep eaters only eat cakes and don't, say, raid the salad drawer?
No, I'm getting pretty tired of everyone wanting to be in the addicts club. Of claiming to have an addiction, however ludicrous. And if you can't have an addiction, have an allergy. And if you can't have an allergy, have a sensitivity.
Do share your heart-wrenching, traumatic addictions on this blog. Becaue I care, I really do.
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44 comments:
I'm addicted to pole dancing. And masturbation. And lingerie. Symptoms include calluses, heightened flexibility, langour and large credit card bills. I need a twelve-step programme.
Honest.
Puss
Bollocks, I appear to be a sex addict. Guess I'd better start having some non solo sex in that case. Oooh, hang on, if we're all sex addicted like that daft bint who wrote the book, maybe we could make a fortune putting out our 'cure' for said sex addiction?! EmmaK you're on to something here...just perhaps not 'on' quite the right thing! Girl on top anyone?
BG
glamourpuss....Maybe you should try sticking razor blades onto the pole, thus preventing you from getting too close to your object of addiction?
benefitscroungingscum....Easy girl, Rome wasn't built in a day. Re your sex addiction: Just take it one cock at a time!
"... can barely remember all of the 40-odd men she's slept with."
how old is she? maybe 40 in one year is a little excessive, but surely 40 partners is unremarkable (and reasonably rememberable) nowadays.
I'm addicted to your blog. I'm taking pills and having injections, but it doesn't seem to have helped. I still read your blog. I'm sorry, I am just addicted to intelligent humor, with a dirty minded twist. Love it, can't help it.
Oh, I'm also addicted to cats. I have five. And always ready for more. Poor me.
Cheetos™
Fuck me!
I never realised I had a problem!
Although, to be a sex addict, do you have to have it with another person?
Either way, I'm off to sign myself into rehab.
I hear The Priory has nice white sheets to stain
Jobs, also known as career deficit disorder, I just can't stop thinking how much happier I would be working as xxx or yyy.
I even love the training and education required of new careers, it's just when I picture doing the same thing in 10 weeks let alone 10 years I get manic.
Wow. I think I have some catching up to do!
Seems like I was halfway to being an addict in my very early 20s. Damn! I wonder if it's too late to play catch-up??
Is it 40 people at one time? Because I can see that as a problem.
My sister has a friend who is a sleep eater. It was pretty bad, but now she just takes sleeping pills so her body can get into a deeper level of sleep or something.
It's truly depressing, in this day and age, to realise just how far I am from being able to claim sex addiction ...
I'll just have to carry on admitting that I actually like sex :(
In point of fact, a woman is a sex addict if she enjoys sex. Even once. If you like something, you're bound to want more and more of it, right? That's why to keep the respect of your man you must pretend to hate it.
I simply love the smell of cocaine, although I don't consider my self an addict...
to help excuse every 'uncontrollable behavior' there's a psychological disorder to describe it . . . along with a therapist willing to diagnose it. now that I've become a habitual reader of your blog, do I suffer from emmak-syndrome?
Damn it. It seems I just don't have an addictive personality... or I'm allergy inducing...
I have some catching up to do as well on the sex addict figures.
The problem is that people equate a large number of sexual partners with experience.
As for indulging addictions whilst sleeping ? I suppose I do. I'm addicted to work and do it nearly every day.
I'm a train driver and after 18 years of this job can no longer sleep without the sound of a Cummings diesel engine throbbing away in the background.
If one likes pussy does this mean that one is a crack addict ?
Your post has driven me to finally confess that I'm a chocoholic...except for booze instead of chocolate.
Thank you for allowing me to come clean.
I'm addicted to brussel sprouts.
bittersweet....I don't know during what time period she slept with the forty was, but she is now 37, so it is a totally average number for a woman that age.
karen.....
I'm addicted to your blog
Well, that's okay, I understand. After all, you're only human.
xl....
Cheetos?
I don't get that. They taste like sawdust. I have to put so much sugar on that it negates the health benefits of this cardboard snack.
inchy....I am trying to work out the figures. I think that you can be an addict if you classify yourself as such. So if you have slept with more than forty in your life they ye Gods you have an 'illness'....the Priory is pretty expensive you know inchy.
helen...I am the same. I love the first three weeks of every job when you're getting trained and then I begin to get bored and hate it. The solution is not to work...is that an option ? ;)
having my cake....
You're okay, you have your own addiction, you don't need to feel left out. You are addicted to Ruf!
helga hanson..
It's never too late to play catch-up!
Karen...
now she just takes sleeping pills so her body can get into a deeper level of sleep or something.
she could have just put a padlock on her fridge?
Ro...
Just be happy you're well balanced.
Gorilla Bananas...
I think the problem with this woman was that she would sleep with men because she was needy, she wanted them to like her etc, it wasn't just about sex or the physical. She was deluding herself...so I wouldn't say that was a sex addiction, just that she had her priorities messed up.
fingers...
I simply love the smell of cocaine, although I don't consider my self an addict...
It isn't a problem unless you need to include it in every meal. Like, if you sprinkle it on your cereal you have a problem. If it's just a snack between meals you're golden.
The Anti-Nannier...
yes you do suffer from emmak-syndrome. Unfortunately there is no cure. You will be a slave to this blog for ever more ;)
Steve...
Actually I seem to remember you were addicted to washing out your tea cups? An addiction to scum scrubbing perhaps?
electro-kevin...
I have some catching up to do as well on the sex addict figures.
keep up, keep up... If I let you include sex dolls and scraped out melons do you come close to forty?
If one likes pussy does this mean that one is a crack addict ?
yes
Claude...
Why not combine the two addictions with a box of liqueur chocolates?
gilbert the alien...
I'm addicted to brussel sprouts.
do aliens fart?
haha cute post. Way enlightening
As crazy at it sounds, I'm part of the minority now. I have only had one partner, and plan on keeping it that way. I waited for my hubbby. But, if I didn't grow up in a religion that was fire an brimstone, I probably would have more. So, in one corner I'm happy that I waited, but in another corner, I will always wonder.
As for addicts. My hubby tries to have sex in his sleep. He has woken me up for it and has been asleep the whole time and then will wake up in the morning wondering why he had a great dream. He's only allowed to sleep by himself if he gets caught somewhere where a woman is having to share a room with him. B/c if something did happen, I would have to hurt him and her. He agrees.
Oh God, I totally agree with you. what a dreary book that was - and what a self important pain in the ass Cohen was.
I thought she was a great writer - but her story of was self indulgent and annoying.
http://rolandhulme.blogspot.com/2008/01/loose-girl-by-kerry-cohen.html
it's always the women (i'm being sarcy)...shame on them for being so wanton and enjoying sex. but men aren't addicts for sleeping with scores of girls...its just nature for them *snicker*
Prawns... everytime I'm in the shop, they are on special and I buy quite a few bags. My freezer is chockas. Maybe I need to see somebody about my problem.
Hot fudge. I could eat brussels sprouts by the dozens if they were covered in hot fudge. I'd lap up your blog if it were covered in hot fudge and I don't even know you! The key is to not place myself in the vicinity of hot fudge.
Uhoh, by those calculations I am a sex addict several times over.
Wonder if I can get free drugs for my 'problem' ?
i thought 40 was a good number for a month :)
wow...and i thought i was just a whore. an addict...shit.
i'm addicted to chapstick. can't sleep without having it on. i know, lame.
I seem to be addicted to having three way sex with two hot women on a constant basis. Of course, I'm always two hot women short when it happens, but that never stops me. Is this a problem? I feel so cheap now. :P
I am addicted to hot mummies. Perhaps using the word addiction would sound a bit more appealing than having low-self esteem or desperate--albeit both self-esteem and desperate might contribute to it.
Emma Your blog gets better by the week and your readership get wittier by the day. Congratulations.
Do you remember the furore over Tracy Emin's installation the tent? She embroidered (or painted) the names of everywhere she had ever slept with (including innocent sleepovers like her cuddly rabbit and grandparents). Some cynical scab asked why the the name of the curator of the museum wasn't on it too.
Persoanlly I ahve to admit taht there are one or two sex partners whose names I don't remember. Calling them flaky hippy chick doesn't help distinguish between most of them :-). But most had some distinguishing feature or behavioural trait. I think I might make a list tonight - grins wickedly
roland hulme....Thanks for the review. I didn't actually read the book. I mean, yes, I can understand that loneliness, desperation and a need to be loved drove her to sleep around but that is hardly an addiction if the total is forty.
Mars...
Indeed, it is a tedious double standard.
Trixie...
Prawns...that's wierd because frozen ones don't taste of anything. Fresh ones are good though.
wow, that was awkward....
hmm, I bet that boiled liver wouldn't taste good even if covered in hot fudge!
Joie...
Uhoh, by those calculations I am a sex addict several times over.
still, I reckon you enjoyed most of your shenanigans which means, you don't have a problem, you're just a hedonist, like.
Also can you please email me and tell me where the f@@k your blog has gone.
Daisy...
i thought 40 was a good number for a month :)
I dunno, a bit too rich for my palate, that would mean doubling up for some of the days.
kara
wow...and i thought i was just a whore. an addict...shit.
No, you're just cool.
Cunning_Linguist...
No worries. If finding women to have sex with is a problem fear not, make it a family affair with Madam Palm and her five daughters.
spew-it-all...
I am addicted to hot mummies.
Who's your favorite? Demi Moore?
Textual Healer...
I quite liked Tracy Emin's installation ...it had a humanity about it.
I don't remember the names of most of mine - by that I mean the one night stands.
Thanks Emma. I might stick that on my CV: Scum Scrubber Extraordinaire.
People who sleep eat are amateurs. Real food addicts are always, always fully conscious when consuming that entire chocolate Bundt cake with pudding filling.
moi....too right! how can you have your cake and eat it if you are asleep. Same with the sleep sexing, what's the point of the orgasm if you can't remember it?
How many partners makes you a sex addict?
A. 40
B. 400
C. 345
D. 632
_______________________
Darn it... here I was just trolling (trolloping? tra-la-laing?) around the bloggy world and linked to a link that linked a link that was your incredible site... but then... WHAMM!!! I get smacked up side the head with pop quiz. Which I failed. Damn it, warn a person to duck first before quizzes, some of us have test anxiety.
And no, didn't get it right... I guessed 632... as nice easy number ending in 0's and 5's always make me suspicious.
Who knew that by the end of last week I had made it to the ranks and could join Sex Addicts Anonymous? If I could only remember that guy on the stairs of the back of the school football stadium. Do you have to remember a significant detail for them to count?
Will be back often to read this too fun blog.
:) Honey
Are they seriously suggesting that 40 is considered addictive?
Smoking 40 cigarettes a day is addictive, drinking more than one bottle of wine a day probably is too. But 40 sexual partners? I'd say that's more like fasting personally.
midnight....
This woman is serious...she says she was a sex addict, with only 40 partners, over god knows how many years
I think she's being a tad silly...that's more like a Scooby Snack!!
So that's other people then---you cant count your own hand---and then the other hand for another one and then gloves on for an extra ?----
Oh--you said in a life time----I thought you said this year----Oh, OK, I'm a sex addict
Tequila. I knew I was hooked when my medicinal glass of orange-juice reminded me of the previous night's decadence.
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