Well, it is Sausage's fifth birthday on Saturday and as usual my husband is trying to get me - kicking and screaming - to involve myself in the concept known as having a 'kids' birthday party' aka hell aka screaming brats in my house. So. It was time to think of new concepts. Concepts that involved maybe, having a bunch of five year olds at a birthday party on the sea, sans me.
Luckily I was able to make my idea bear fruit. Here at the harbor is a pirate boat that takes kids on a 'pirate experience' manned by adults who dress in pirate costumes, who may or may not be escapees from a mental institution, who talk pirate all day long and also fire (water)pistols at the gang of bad pirates in the little dinghy that sails alongside the pirate ship.
So I said to my husband, "I've got it. We will put the kids on the pirate boat. We don't have to even go on. We will just let the adult pirates do things with the kids!"
My husband said, "Do you want to rephrase that?"
"You know what I mean. The kids will be contained on a ship in the middle of the harbor. What can possibly happen to them? And of course, beside where the pirate ship casts off, is a fabulous french patisserie where I can truffle in a sow's trough of almond croissants. Heaven!"
So it seems that casting the kids off to find buried treasure is the way to go. There is one small problem though. A kid called Angie who is coming to the party.She was the one who went to school wearing her brother's cock ring on her finger. Which is fine, no harm done. The problem is that her mother told me Angie jumped off a rollercoaster the other day. Her mother said, "Well, it didn't occur to me to tell her not to jump off before she got on."
Me: "Well it wouldn't, would it?"
"It was just going round and round and Angie said she got bored. And because she's so tiny she easily slipped free of the restraints and jumped off."
"Wow. She's quite athletic isn't she?"
"Yes. It wasn't that dangerous actually, because it was only a kids' rollercoaster and she jumped out onto the platform which was only ten feet off the ground."
Hmm.
I really don't need Angie deciding to jump into the Chesapeake Bay, which looks like an oil slick. Or for that matter, me having to jump in after her.
Posts
.PNG)
19 comments:
There was this geezer dressed as a pirate in a pub came up to me and said, do I want to play a game called hide the sausage........well, you know the rest.
gilbert the alien...didn't your mummy ever tell you not to talk to strangers, especially ones with a peg leg?
Give Angie some piratical armbands that you've previously drawn an anchor or skull and crossbones on and she'll be fine.
Or not.
But at least it could buy some croissant munching time.
You just need to give Angie a suitable role - one which involves her being chained to the mast. "The cappun's floozy" has a nice ring to it.
Don't they have stocks on the boat? Have them put Angie in the stocks.
And I do not blame you for cringing at the thought of a bunch of five year olds in one place at one time. I couldn't think of anything at all more cringe worthy than that. Sometimes they vomit. *shudder*
Where I grew up everybody had a peg leg, impetigo, and nits,(not necessarily in that order).
Ahoy matey! Post extra lookouts and keep a sharp watch for the other type of pirates, lawyers. Little Angie sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen...
Why not give her one of those blow up, donut-shaped floaty thingees to wear around her middle? Tell her it's a, uh, body ring. That way if she does go overboard, she'll just bob along safely until one of the bad pirates in the dinghy picks her up and hold her for ransom.
Oooh arrr !
Once there was a pirate an' 'e says "Come round 'ere, lads an' I'll tell yer a story 'Once there was a pirate an' 'e says "Come round 'ere, lads an' I'll tell yer a story" 'Once there was a pirate an' 'e says "Come round 'ere, lads an' I'll tell yer a story" ' Once there was a pirate ...
Enough material for a kids party for a WHOLE day !
i agree with the floater...atleast if she does take a dive, she'll just bob around...
Can Angie swim really well? x
emma...brilliant idea for a party...they usually put life vests on the children and in all reality THEY are the ones responsible for the kiddos for that period of time...so sit back enjoy your pastry and let them be pirates! btw happy birthday sausage!~
Good call, nothing says vomit like birthday cake, ice cream, fried food, and bobbing ships, it's insurance that parents will never send their little darlings to a k household again.
It sounds like you are going to have to send her mother on the boat with her since it's her kid. That way if she decides to jump off the boat, she can go after her.
moi...
Tell her it's a, uh, body ring.
you kill me!!
kitty...actually angie can swim well I would just be worried she'd asphixiation from all the sewage in the water!
electro-kevin.....
have you been drinking?
Angie will come in handy if they want to start a game of 'Fit the Cock Ring on the Donkey'...
Lol that is hilarious went to school with brothers cock ring haha guess she was just lucky there was no sex toy in the house that looked like any of the ones we have in www.hotgvibe.com.
Lol that is hilarious went to school with brothers cock ring haha guess she was just lucky there was no sex toy in the house that looked like any of the ones we have in www.hotgvibe.com.
Post a Comment