I am sick to death of this archaic idea that where you are born should define your nationality. I wanna be a South American so bad:
Let's face it, being British has had its chips. Yes, I enjoy taking the piss out of foreigners, eating fish and chips and drinking warm lager with the rest of my country folk, but I believe British culture peaked about a hundred years ago and has now troughed.
I wanna be South American. They have all the cool shit. Those ace dictator uniforms. They invented 'the Brazilian'. They have butt implants. The men have the most ridiculous moustaches and laughably hairy chests.
And last but not least, they have the thickest, creamiest hot chocolate in the world, which you eat with greasy donut sticks (churros). I had them in Madrid once (yeah I know Spain isn't in S America, I'm not John McCain!)
Although it is something of a mystery why South American girls are such babes when young, then suddenly when they hit fifty they get round and wrinkly (I did do a search for 'latina grandma' to demonstrate this point but I ended up with a whole heap of granny porn and views of latin portals that I would rather forget).
So, I will go back to my Spanish tapes and become fluent in espanol. I will one day live the dream. I will one day live in South America and be as happy as a churros in chocolate.
What nationality do you wish you were and why do you think your own nationality sucks?
Posts
.PNG)
38 comments:
I specifically want to be Brazilian. I lived there when I was a kid. They are the coolest, most beautiful exciting bunch of folk- with the best music in the world. I dream of going back. But only if they accept me as one of their own.
I like being a Scot but it's a difficult job- hideously bad at sports unless there's a bike under you or a big slab of granite being thrown across a big slab of ice. And the look of us- sweet Jesus- we invented the corned-beef leg!
Let's see how many want to be German! All primates are African, of course. Humans are descended from an African Eve who had a decent rack according to gorilla folklore.
is there such thing as being a world citizen?
although i'd like to be canadian, if i had to choose. my passport (bangladeshi) sucks. i have no national pride whatsoever.
My father is Italian, my mother German. You do the math.
Ergo, I have always wanted to be Swedish, not only because they are, hands down, the prettiest people I've ever laid eyes on, but because they've raised neutrality to an art not even the Swiss can top.
However, I want to be Swedish IN South America. Freezing cold, 300 days of grey, and nothing to eat but herring cooked sixty bazillion ways? No thanks.
"The men have the most ridiculous moustaches and laughably hairy chests." No shit? Wow. I'm South American and didn't even know it!
French. Because everything they say sounds wonderful... and they smoke everywhere...
And the clothes... and the fashion... and the weird films...
Sx
I'd like to be Martian so I can say things like "Oh drat these computers, they're so naughty and so complex. I could *pinch* them".
And wear a little helmet.
I'd want to be Aussie and married to a Colombian.
Be careful saying embarrassed and excited in Spanish.
I'd like to be a South African, so I can be an even bigger c*nt than I am already...
i hate being american anymore...i hate the way the world lumps all of us into one basket and assumes we are all the same...i relate more to my italian heritage...
i do have a story for you though regarding learning spanish...about 10 years ago, my husband told me (and a group of friends) that he wanted to take a trip to mexico because he was brushing up on spanish...(he doesn't even speak english well)...he said he could now ask for a beer and a bathroom...he got beer right...but said bathroom was "casa de pee pee"...i literally rolled on the floor laughing (i still think he got that from a mel brooks movie) and when i told him it meant "house of the pee pee" he straightened up in his chair and said "well, the place they send me might make for good dinner conversation"...i swear i rolled on the ground!!!!
Having been to Brazil many times including many of their famous beaches and locales I can tell you it would be GOOD to be there...but unfortunately there is no middle class there. You are either rich or poor. Very little in between. Having been to South Africa many times I would say it has one of the most beautiful surroundings but with horrific crime. Very sad. But on the positive side I'd be a lot taller and I'd have this cool accent. No, I think I'll stick with my heritage...which is from Luxembourgh. They're all rich there anyway. That's a good thing...
I DO have a thing for hairy chests.
Escorcho!
what's not to love about The Fast Show? thanks for reminding me.
i sound english, but i'm australian.
frankly, there's really nothing that sucks about being australian - just the annoying fact that we are SO far from everywhere that it takes days to fly to the good holiday spots and it costs nearly an arm and a leg to get there.
i wouldn't mind being irish.
i'd charm men with my quaint accent and people would love me just because i was irish.
those irish have got it good.
I would like to retire in Australia. What a great place.
Being American sucks because we are judged by the dumbass decisions our dumbass government makes and not by our own dumbass individual merits.
Norway and Denmark are listed as nice countries to live in these days. I have ancestors that were vikings from Norway. I would love to have been a viking chick back in the day. Everybody knows the hat with the horns is sexy!
How 'bout someplace like Thailand? So beautiful there, if it wasn't for those pesky coup d'etats and the abject poverty it'd be great! Oh forget it! ;^P
Bwah ha ha! I love being the Chilean that I am! I can get away with a lot by just adding "hey, I'm Chilean" to the end of my sentences.
ohhh yeahhhh sweet cheeks...viking chick...i wanna do that too!!!!!!!!
I'm very happy to be an Aussie. Everyone knows we all look like Elle, sing like Kylie (sorry 'bout that folks) and have the intellect of Peter Singer.
So I'll proudly stay a willowy, buxom, singing budgie with a bulging brain.
That's so hot right now.
Being British is best because we get to wear open toed sandals paired with grey socks.
I suppose being Italian would be OK. That way you could live at home with mama and have your laundry done while riding about on a scooter looking cool and nicking tourists handbags.
Churros and chocolate ... and you wonder why the curves of the babes invert as they get older??
If I ever feel like trading in my British passport, I guess I'd go for either Kiwi (like being an Aussie without the complexes) or a Norwegian (bloody-minded independence).
In the meantime, I shall go and enjoy the Fast Show clip again :)
Aren't there any countries where the men are hot and the women are all pig ugly? I'm racking my brains but realising that Mother Nature is really quite cruel. Anyway, I'd change my nationality and be from there. More of a strategic move, surely?
Quite happy being an Aussie thank you very much.
Aren't you afraid if you moved to South America..you'd turn into one of the grannies? I reckon it's the sun and the donut sticks that do it to them.
I'm still chuckling that you got British and culture in the same sentence
misssy m....
you can't be brazilian unless you're prepared to wear a thong on the beach and nothing else. Are you?
fingers...its like being mad, you can't be mad if you think you're mad ergo you think you're a cunt and keep saying you're a cunt so I think you're probably not.
clyde....I dunno Clyde, surely Britain has more culture than Australia? .... although I haven't been living there for eight years and some people tell me its now overrun with chavs, I believe you call them bogans?
garfer......
to wear open toed sandals paired with grey socks
I hope for your sake you are not talking about yourself! I've seen the phenomenon here too though
trixie...If I move to S America and become one of those roly poly grannies that would be socially acceptable there. My husband would leave me but ho hum there's always the hot chocolate and donuts
steve....
I need to go on a basic training course as to how to deal with men with hairy chests before I move to S America. I only slept with a hairy man once who was from Australia and I was rubbing away at his chest hair until he said "Can you stop doing that."
Me: "Why?"
He: "Because you're generating static electricity."
unique stephen...for a while I was going around saying 'como te llamas?' (what is your name) and I was pronouncing llamas like the animal when you're meant to say 'yamas'....what I was basically saying to strange men was: Do you like to lick?
I wondered why they seemed so keen!
Did you know, in Patagonia, Argentina, about 1,500 people speak Welsh.
Emma, on a good night the wife and I can light up the entire street.
I'm all about the butt implants. Soon as you become official, you owe me before and after pics.
tickersoid.....go on then boyo, tell me if you're proud to be welsh
cunning linguist...I dunno if I can oblige. My butt is already the size of Argentina
steve....wow, very ecologically sound. The new form of electricity generation: Hair Power!
Brazilian! Fell in love with Brazil whilst there earlier this year and I want to be South American, too! They really do have all the cool shit. And it's a lot warmer than Chicago. *sigh*
Oh I've just popped over again and noticed properly the photo of that ol' bastard Pinochet. not a nice man, but have to say, a great cape. I very recently bought a misguided cape on Ebay which I haven't yet had the guts to wear (it is orange...and, gulp, tartan). Bizarrrely, old Pinochet has inspired me to road test it this weekend.
Expect an invasion of both England and Northern Ireland by me by Sunday as a result.
Oh and in answer to your first question. Yes, yes I am.
misssy m...looking forward to seeing a lovely pic of you soon in just a thong and that orange tartan cape. You might have to start slapping on the fake tan before the photo session!
kathryn....oh yeah, I wanna visit Brazil so bad!
As of November 4, I'm now proud to be American. I wouldn't have minded being born with Scandinavian genes, however. Geez.
buy viagra
viagra online
generic viagra
Post a Comment