I was wondering why I felt psychotic yesterday. Because I was not using the Infomaniac patented PMS Buddy (which sends details of your menstrual cycle to up to FIVE men in your life or to yourself if you are a halfwit like moi) I failed to realize that - oh yeah - my period was due!! So it was quite a relief to start my period today and return to a relatively normal state of mind where I did not want to wring the life out of living creatures and even our pet fish. And then I was feeling quite poetic so I wrote an ode to that little marvel: The Tampon.
Ode to a Tampon
Tampons are something no man wants to discuss
Like what is their function?
It just makes men blush
When we tell them that they just need to rush
To the chemist because we are a dam about to gush
They make silly suggestions to which we reply:
"No a rolled up slice of white bread won't do just as well
Do you want a poke in the eye?"
What is it with men and the embarassment factor
Of purchasing tampons
It makes them feel emasculated
Makes them lose their erections
But tampons are friends
They are fun toys for kids too
My five year old thinks Tampax
Are sleeping bags for 'mice'
the furry white creatures that huddle inside
When you need a tampon in a hurry they're nowhere to be found
You can't get them from drug dealers, ten Supers for a pound
Always be aware of tampon borrowing etiquette:
When asking a stranger if you can borrow a tampon
Don't be surprised if she doesn't want it back
I am fond of my tampons
And thank God they exist
For if they didn't
There'd be blood on the streets
Please add a verse if you would like. This may become a series in which I write about other common household objects. Suggestions are welcome.
Terrorism then and now
16 hours ago