I have (unofficially) become a little ray of sunshine in my neighborhood. Take this weekend. Now my husband and I were kid free because the kids were staying with a friend. By Sunday morning I was so happy I was crying. Oh yes, my patented happiness formula was working a dream.
Emma's Patented Weekend Happiness Formula:
0 kids 4 positions (or more - must include one you have never done before) 5 orgasms (or more) 4 cocktails (min) 2 bottles wine 3 mimosas brunch at restaurant lunch at restaurant dinner at restaurant buy 12 bits of lingerie (min) buy tons of overpriced makeup buy four pairs of shoes (or more) watch a trashy movie (I saw Confessions of a Shopaholic and I'm not ashamed to say it!)
Get addicted to lingerie - it's cheaper than heroin
Mr X was a glum granny chaser
So usually we are awoken by shrieking kids' voices on Sunday morning at around six am. But this time we were sleeping, oh yes, and I for one was on cloud nine. So it was a bit of a downer to be awoken by my neighbor, Mr X, who rang my doorbell at eight. Mr X is a bit creepy and spends much of his time smoking outside his front door. He is also having a relationship with a grandma.
So, Mr X is standing there in his pyjamas looking sour. Well apparently while he had let the grandma out this morning his front door had slammed shut. He was now locked out and wanted my husband to drive him to his parents who had his spare key, so I said, fine, come in, and went to wake my husband. I then had to make polite conversation with Mr X and decided I would try to cheer him up.
Firstly he says he is angry because gas/electric prices have gone up and he now pays $430 for gas and electric per month. I don't understand the disparity: we only pay $230 and our house is the same size as his but I'm not about to rub his nose in it. He also tells me he bathes once a week. I am not sure if this is to save money.
Next he tells me he is a nurse - he has not lost his job, nothing like that - but he is still pissed off because he went to work yesterday and there were no surgeries happening so he sat there all day doing nothing. I was about to say "Nice work if you can get it," but I could tell he wouldn't find that funny, so I said nothing.
He was still looking miserable, so I asked him if he was going to have his garden turned into a patio, as he said he was planning to - frankly last summer was a nightmare, his whole garden was full of dandelion seeds flying about. He said he had got a quote for the patio but it was too expensive. I suggested that the recession could be positive, because I betted if he phoned the patio company again they'd reduce the price because they were desperate.
Luckily at this point my husband was dressed and ready to drive Mr X to his parents and I went back to bed, delighted to know that I had tried (albeit failed) to inject some sunshine into Mr X's life.
Later my husband and I went to brunch and to see Confessions of a Shopaholic. Yes I feel bad that I am at an all time high while everyone else is down in the dumps but for God's sake, let's all try and keep out peckers up, why don't we?
So what's your weekend happiness formula? Do tell.
Who am I? Displaced Londoner now living in the States with my two little girlies and long suffering husband. Co-author of hilarious parenting book Cocktails at Naptime www.cocktailsatnaptime.com
My mom's an Austrian, my dad's a Brit, which makes me a Britaustrian, or possibly an Austrish?