I used to think I was mad. I used to think I was shameless. Until I stumbled upon MJ and her Infomaniac blog. While her blog may tickle some people's fancy, you should be warned, some of the images will make your butter curdle and your wives turn into pillars of salt.
Now, MJ is a very private woman but I recently found this photo of her (above). I think the picture speaks for itself. She is very much the kind of lass and who could club a bison to death and bring it home to the cave. If only we were all as talented with a club (sigh). Anyway, she recently put a list of Life Skills 101 up on her blog, the kind of stuff you needed to know if you were to survive in ye olden days. She has seventeen of these skills and I think I have five.
1. Use a bow and arrow 2. Load and fire a musket 3. Duel with pistol 4. Joust 5. Throw a battleax 6. Forge a sword 7. Fight with a rapier and dagger 8. Besiege a castle 9. Defend a castle 10. Make and smoke a peace pipe 11. Make a flint cutting tool 12. Brew mead 13. Make bread 14. Roast chestnuts on an open fire 15. Make hard cheese 16. Make butter 17. Make ice cream 18. Keep bees and harvest honey 19. Tap and make maple syrup 20. Find berries in the wild 21. Can food 22. Archery fish 23. Gut and clean fish 24. Keep chickens 25. Pluck a chicken 26. Roast a wild boar 27. Cook on a range 28. Dig and use a pit oven 29. Make a fire without matches 30. Track animals 31. Forecast the weather 32. Tease, card, & spin wool 33. Make natural dye from plants 34. Weave a chair seat 35. Weave a basket 36. Make soap 37. Make a broom 38. Sweep a chimney 39. Chop down a tree with an ax 40. Carve a totem pole 41. Carve a canoe 42. Make a barrel 43. Thatch a roof 44. Build a wall with wattle and daub 45. Build a dry stone wall 46. Dig a well 47. Plow a field 48. Build a log bridge 49. Build a log cabin 50. Build a pyramid 51. Embalm a body 52. Treat a battle wound 53. Set broken bones 54. Groom a horse 55. Shoe a horse 56. Mount and dismount a horse 57. Make and throw a lasso 58. Milk a cow 59. Hunt deer safely in woodlands 60. Mount a stag’s head 61. Shear a sheep 62. Care for rope 63. Tie a hangman’s noose 64. Read Roman numerals 65. Use an abacus 66. Operate a telegraph machine 67. Send smoke signals 68. Cure people with leeches and maggots 69. Read palms 70. Behave at a medieval banquet 71. Read a coat of arms 72. Address royalty 73. Grow herbs 74. Use herbs in your personal grooming 75. Care for leather boots 76. Wear opera gloves 77. Wear a Roman toga 78. Wash clothes by hand 79. Care for your period wig 80. Play hopscotch 81. Play jacks 82. Use a hoola hoop 83. Play marbles 84. Play real tennis 85. Play stickball 86. Make a pair of shoes 87. Make a hammock 88. Make a quill pen 89. Make papyrus 90. Write a sonnet 91. Write calligraphy 92. Understand opera 93. Make a corn husk doll 94. Make and play a didgeridoo 95. Ride a penny-farthing 96. Make a cave painting 97. Make a Roman mosaic 98. Pan for gold 99. Clean and polish silver 100. Blow glass 101. Make a stained-glass window.
My argument with the divine MJ was that while I can bake bread or even chocolate croissants I'm not sure this list is that useful these days. I mean how many people thatch roofs? Two in the Cotswolds, I should guess. I would say you only need three skills as a lady after, say, a nuclear war:
1. a strong stomach to be able to kill other people and eat them.
2. sexual skills to stimulate the gentlemen so they will do all the stick rubbing and wattling and daubing.
3. The ability to make sexy shoes out of animal carcasses.
I have all three skills so I am sorted. But what about you? What skills from the Life Skills 101 List do you have, and what other skills do you have?
Who am I? Displaced Londoner now living in the States with my two little girlies and long suffering husband. Co-author of hilarious parenting book Cocktails at Naptime www.cocktailsatnaptime.com
My mom's an Austrian, my dad's a Brit, which makes me a Britaustrian, or possibly an Austrish?