Do you remember what you wanted to be when you grew up?
I remember having no particular aspiration other than I always saw myself draped on a chaise longue in a leopard skin wallpapered apartment, smoking a cigarette in a long holder and wearing maribou mules. Sort of the mistress lifestyle without having to actually service the guy. And luckily I have achieved the 'professional reclining with box of bonbons' leisure lifestyle. Okay, okay, for five years the kids smashed and trashed the house but now I am making baby steps towards the maribou feather and leopard skin lifestyle and the house looks pretty good. Here's a photo hubby snapped of me yesterday:
Emma reclining with bare breasts. Ambition to be a professional recliner: achieved.
So my daughter Sausage is a bit of a social whirlwind. She has three hundred friends at school but does not like to do school work one bit. I asked her what she wanted to be when she grows up and she said, "A Grandma." This is because when we walk to school there are groups of laughing grandmas powerwalking and laughing together. I don't think Sausage understands that you have to work before you retire. She wants to go straight to carefree retirement. Don't we all?
So anyway, on the weekend we went to DC and walked past a Hooters restaurant. For those who don't know, this is a place that sells the usual greasy chicken and fries but is hugely popular for the hooters that hang out of the Hooters Girls' tops. So outside one of the restaurants, the Hooter Girls are hula hooping. Sausage immediately grabs a hoop and starts hula-ing. One of the girls says to me, totally serious: "She's really good at that. How old is she?"
"Five," I reply.
Sausage at her Hooters interview. Work that hula hoop baby!
The girl thinks about this for a while. She realizes, I think, that this is too young to start a Hooters career. Firstly because Sausage has no hooters and secondly because Sausage would probably not reach the table.
"Bring her back in twelve years and we'll give her a job." Not a trace of irony!
I try not to laugh. Like it could be anyone's ambition to serve greasy chicken wings and be leched at by patrons!
So what did you always dream of being? And did you achieve it?
30 comments:
i always wanted to be either a fashion designer, master chef, genetic engineer, filmmaker or a journalist. 2 out of five ain't that bad.
Dream: Filthy rich (inherited, obv) lay-about.
Reality: No. But optimistically buying lotto tickets as Plan B.
I remember having no particular aspiration other than I always saw myself draped on a chaise longue in a leopard skin wallpapered apartment, smoking a cigarette in a long holder and wearing marabou mules.
Add a martini to that scenario and that pretty much sums up my day.
Oh Hai XL!
I will laugh my ass off if Sausage ever becomes a Hooters girl. I'll have to check back in twelve years.
I supposedly told my parents I wanted to be a fire engine when I grew up. I don't remember this, but I'm thinking maybe the idea of being inanimate was appealing.
As a kid I honestly wanted to be a superhero and right wrongs. In my teens I wanted to be a sex god. Failed on both effing counts.
I wanted to be an international fashion model, but I stopped growing at 4ft 11"....
Sx
My boobies are very small, and I'm a vegetarian, so I don't think I can work there. And I'm a man. My boobies are big for a man, though. You have a beautiful collection of bugs, by the way.
I remember my cousin told me when she was 17 and I was 11 that she wanted to be a "lady of the evening." I had no idea what that meant, but I remember thinking it sounded really cool and probably had something to do with the opera.
I was, like many Seventies kids, seduced by the james Herriot books and the subsequent TV series "All Creatures Great and Small". I wanted to be a vet- hands up cow's arses and all, the whole bit.
I still am in awe of vets...it's difficult to know what changed my mind- perhaps someone told me I had to be good at maths. That usually put me off things.
Are those bare breasts or a bear's breasts? Let me take the picture next time, Emma. I wanted to be a photographer and still do.
I wanted to be a Private Detective, like Whatsisface on Rockford Files.
Only he lived in trailer, and I wanted to live in a fancy apartment so I had to let the dream die.
I've kept my 'investigative skills' though. I'm great at stalking.
always wanted to be a lawyer. fortunately, it's what i do now. unfortunately, it's way more work than i ever dreamed it'd be
I always wanted to design biscuits for a living...
i wanted to be a nun...unfortunately (or not) after catholic school i discovered sex and that kind of ruined that career (they don't like nuns having sex for some reason)...btw at the hooters here all the girls wear padded bras as they have very little in that area...i am usually the most well endowed in the establishment when having lunch there...go figure!
Gee, you say "serve greasy chicken wings and be leched at by patrons" like it's a bad thing...
Fantasy: a marine biologist, doctor, artist, teacher, psychiatrist, or figure skater.
Reality: mental health therapist
When I was three, I supposedly wanted to be one of The Cosby's (TV show family).
Now...a writer. Or a filthy rich ex wife...whichever.
LOL this bit is so much funnier because i know Sausage.
lol this was a funny read
misssy m....re your love of baby animals. I wanted to be a midwife because I love babies but then I realized you had to get up in the middle of the night to deliver them plus about six years of studying! nah
gorilla bananas....I look forward to seeing your long distance lens peeking through my curtains and taking photos of my breasts. I'll be posing tonight if the moon is full.
the projectivist...
So you're a professional stalker. Good for you. I've always been too lazy. I mean its bloody boring isn't it, wearing a balaclava and sitting outside his house in your car watching him make out with his new girlfriend isn't it?
Jaime...
Still, let's hope you're raking in the cash.
fingers...
I always wanted to find a vibrator that really felt like a tongue. We don't always get what we wish for alas ...
good luck with the biscuit fantasy
Daisy...
I wanted to be a nun too - I think I liked the outfits.
Iron "GeekGirl" Misty...
I stand corrected. I am sure being a hooters girl is a noble calling!
otherworldlyone...
When I was three, I supposedly wanted to be one of The Cosby's (TV show family).Did you know it would never happen because you weren't black or were you oblivious?
What did you dream of being and did you achieve it ?
- A train driver.
- No.
So I have to be a cocksman instead.
Completely oblivious....or so they say.
Dear God, that's like us having a restaurant chain called 'Big Jubblies'.
I wanted to write the great English novel.
I haven't.
electro-kevin...what the blazes are you on about? you are a train driver.
Re your cock, like I said, don't wave it about in public. If you're that obsessed with it maybe get a groupie to make a plaster of paris mold from it, or a candle penis?
garfer....Go on lad, write a great english novel, the theme could be about how you become prime minister and order all waitresses to get their baps out.
I wanted to be a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader. Or a nun or librarian. Hooters girl never occured to me until I was 30 and bought my first set!
I always dreamed of being a Hooters girl... I really fucking did. Dont laugh.
KT....but what did you end up as!
mutleythedog....who's laughing...there's still time. Just don some American tan tights and practice with your hula hoop.
I didn't care what I was when I grew up. I just knew I wanted a new Corvette race car so I could date Cheryl Tiegs. Well, that and to be Buck Rogers part time.
As you can see, both of life's goals fully accomplished except for being Buck Rogers that drives a space Corvette and is with Cheryl Tiegs all the time. Otherwise I pretty much nailed it.
There used to be a very funny blogger who called herself Ex-Hooters Girl. Whatever happened to her? She was a riot.
Not that this will thrill you, but I'm pretty sure if you strap one of those padded bras that look like they already have boobs in them on your girl and threaten a lawsuit, they'd give her a job anyway.
Me? I wanted to be a heart surgeon. The cost of medical school coupled with my parents behind-the-scenes hamstringing of my college plans resulted in my ending up in a computer field instead. It was their dream for me to be a Star Trek fan instead of a doctor, apparently.
Your dream is my dream, baby. And when you figure out how to do it without all the heavy lifting, let me know, 'kay? In the meantime, I'll be right here on the sofa.
What a lovely little darlin'! Give ya babe a X fo' me!
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