In the Odorama screening of Gregory's Girl (check out the mullets!) cards with eight smells on them were handed out. The smells of freshly cut grass, sweaty socks and teenage aftershave then wafted out during the screening.
I would have loved to have been there - it would have brought all the memories of teenage snogging rushing back. Remember ladies if you will the amount of aftershave some teenage lads used to wear - remember going in for a snog and finding that your eyes were watering because your date was drenched not only in acne medication (which I must confess to this day has peculiar erotic associations for me but that's between me and my therapist) but also in a full bottle of either Old Spice or Brut the smell of which was as pungent as cat pee?
Remember the tagline for Brut: "Apply a little Brut Force." You'd never get away with that today. How the mighty have fallen eh? Now Gazza drinks the stuff.
Have you ever wondered what the world would be like if eventually Odorama became ubiquitous and TV and movies smelt as if you were there? Now that would be great in a film like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory which would have me licking the screen and later making frenzied love to a (consenting) Mars Bar.
But what about the actors in the movies? Wouldn't it ruin the fantasy if we actually knew what they smelt like? If you were right up there in Brad Pitt's armpit while he was shagging some willing lovely would you gag at the scent of his terrible BO? I reckon Odorama would be a turn off because Brad Pitt is someone who always looks like he reeks of pheromones - in a bad way.
Other stinky celebs include Matthew McConaughey a self confessed stink bomb and beach bum who sees deodorant as the enemy. He wouldn’t even break the ban when his “Fool’s Gold” co-star, Kate Hudson, complained about his body odor. “She always brings a salt rock, which is some natural deodorant, and says, 'Would you please put this on?’” But her efforts were in vain. “I just never wore it," said Stink Boy McConaughey. "No cologne, no deodorant.” In fact, Matthew defends himself by insisting no other co-stars ever mentioned it!
Here is a list of other stinky celebs and their signature scents:
Colin Farrell: Stale Guinness, fags, vomit
Amy Winehouse: Ashtray, crack pipe
Bono: His shit stinks like everyone elses
Bruce Springsteen: Stale sweat, cheesy foreskin
Johnny Depp: Dead man smell on a musty thrift store coat
Kate Moss: Fags, morning after sewer breath

So do you think we are ready to see more movies in Odorama? What about the 2009 movie Manure featuring Billy Bob Thorton about a manure salesman in which "every surface, from the crops in the earth to the clouds in the sky, has been carefully color-graded and painted the appropriate shade of excrement." Just think if they could have just added the scent of fresh shit too, it would have been a big shit at the box office I'm sure.
And now tell me this: Which celebrities do you think smell the worst and also what movie done in Odorama would make you gag or tremble with delight?



























21 comments:
Well my girly clit
just enlarged at the mere thought of having my nose thrust in Brad's pit,
while having his man piece thrust up my slit
and his mouth on my tit....
just following your poetry lead darling :)
jules....I've always thought he looked like a chimpanzee myself but he obviously appeals to the animal in you eh???
Glad to have gotten your clit to stand to attention anyway.
Holy crap, I remember Gregory's Girl! I thought I might be the only person in the world who ever saw that movie.
"Coach, coach, Eh went teh sey sumthin'!"
I don't know why, but I think you're spot on with Johnny Depp! And I quite fancy him. Odd.
What would 'Alien' smell like? Or Dawn of the Dead? Or Porkies?! It doesn't bear thinking about...
Sx
Is Luba a celebrity?
I would image that Pee Wee Herman's signature scent would be a bit like a sticky movie theater floor.
I've often wondered at the smell of our vagrant ... er ... I mean FRA-grant lady bloggers.
Much as I love Joan Rivers I'm not sure I could cope with the combined scent of fags and old lady pee.
I also wouldn't want to have caught a whiff of Michael Jackson during his funeral proceedings...
I hear there are plans for Michael Douglas to play Liberace, which would be a great opportunity for some interesting scents. A mixture of perfume and stale fart sounds appropriate.
Kim Cattral seemed to enjoy the smell of the boys locker room as Lassie in Porkys
Never been guity of Brut---I discovered CK be early in life
memphis steve....No, everyone saw it when I was a teen -Gregory's Girl was a big hit when it came out in the UK. It won a BAFTA film award (whatever that is). I loved it!!
Scarlet-Blue...
Regarding Johnny Depp, that's the thing he is fairly fanciable but for a lady like you who favours fluffy towels I think he is just a little too unwashed you know. I don't need a man to be all metrosexual and shave his pubes but you know, the occasional nose trim would be nice.
unique_stephen....yes Luba is a celebrity but please answer the question, what do you think she smells like?
xl...
that was so ridiculous wasn't it? Pee Wee herman was arrested for masturbating in a pornographic movie theatre. How outrageous!!! masturbating in a porn cinema(sarcasm)
lol
what was he meant to do wait until he got home?
I never understood what the fuss was. So he is a kids tv host and he masturbates - where is the conflict??
electro-kevin...
Poison by Christian Dior is my signature scent.
I imagine you smell of train diesel and cut grass and hay(being you are from the country).
I have never been up close and personal with Fingers but Spiky tells me he smells of bullshit.
Steve...
you hit the nail on the head with the scent of Joan Rivers!
Gorilla Bananas...
A mixture of perfume and stale fart sounds appropriate.
I also imagine him being covered in a sickly sweet scent like rotten fruit and candyfloss.
Clyde...
Thank god you never tortured any woman's nostrils with the smell of Brut. Did you never get into Obsession, that was the hot unisex Klein scent in the eighties? I used to love it...the smell of stale oranges on a guy somehow signalled 'I am hip, sexy and wear baggy suits at nightclubs while sipping a Bacardi and Coke and snorting coke. I am sophisticated and sexy.'
meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Here are a few movies that I would NOT prefer to see in smell-o-vision;
Se7en
300
Trainspotting
March Of The Penquins
Madagascar
or The Meaning Of Life
Mr Creosote? :(
I would enjoy watching any Cheech and Chong flick in smell-o-vision as long as I had some Doritos, Chocolate Peanuts, hot dogs, at least 2 giant Cokes and a ginormous tub of extra buttered Popcorn.
unique stephen...Luba is a close friend of mine and tells me she has a fetish for Australians so let me make a few phone calls and see if we can get her sniffing you by the weekend.
donn....you could get stoned watching a cheech and chong flick via odorama.
I...oh lord, I can't get past the unfortunate olfactory vision of "cheesy foreskin".
Just can't.
athena....actually now I come to think of it I have got that wrong because hardly any americans have foreskins so The Boss's can't be cheesy. I still think of him as reeking tho! do you think I'm right?
I LOVE that you say "snog"
love love love.
just me...well I am a Brit for my sins and it's what we say!
The whole magic of "Casablanca" would be ruined by the smell of stale sweat, Lucky Strikes and soiled linen.
But I've always imagined that Louise Brooks would smell faintly of lemons and sweet violets.
kevin musgrove...I adore Louise Brooks too ...what a beauty...absolutely, lemons and sweet violets.
Hey, how about "Hi Karate"? That shit was tops in the 70's!
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