Well it is the calm before the storm around here because my Austrian mother is arriving for a soujourn on Saturday. We usually end up having a blazing row by day three but this time I will suck Valium and try and generally stay very Zen and not react and generally be very mature. Last time she asked our 68 year old neighbor Lottie if she and her husband still had sex to which Lottie replied, "Oh gosh no, we don't do that anymore!" Apparently Lottie wasn't offended. Maybe she is deaf and thought my mother had asked her whether they still played tennis. In any case, there are sure to be lots of swings and roundabouts on mama's visit. I have given her a project to organize Sausage's sixth birthday party so no doubt it will be a big event. I am hoping for the Alice in Wonderland theme so I can have plenty of magic mushroom tea but other party themes are welcome.
Any ideas how I can stay calm and collected amongst much nervous tension which don't involve firearms?
In other news my romantic comedy Confessions of a Cake Addict is to be published on July 31st by Agora International in English and Spanish. Initially it will be published as an ebook but they may do print later. If you do only one thing for charity this year do this, reach deep into your pockets and buy this book. It will make you laugh! It will make you cry! It will make you hungry.
What's the book about you may ask? Well...
When she's down, Londoner Kate Pickles reaches for cake. While she piles on the pounds she loses hope that she can ever find love. Until, on a whirlwind trip to Vienna she gets involved in the filming of a Bollywood movie, meets the man of her dreams and loses her heart and the pounds in the process. The inspiration for the novel came from actually watching a Bollywood movie being filmed in Vienna, which set my imagination in gear to create the tale of a plump girl who conquers her fears and her dependence on cake.
Mainly, it's hilarious! So buy buy buy. Do you like the cover? It has made me hungry.
Posts
.PNG)
27 comments:
Congratulations on the book deal - am dead jealous. I'm still 2 chapters away from finishing my first. I suspect I'm being too precious and arty about it. As for your mother... can't you give her the magic mushroom tea? Or some real hash cakes...? It might be a life changer for you both. ;-)
The book sounds great! Who isn't happy when a fat chick gets laid?
I'm glad your mother is back in town, the sexy bitch. She needs a man, or possibly a gorilla, to leave a few teeth marks on her thighs.
Yay for the book deal!
That cake does look wonderful, I gained 3 lbs by just loooking at it though.
Oh and I like your mom. My mom would never say anything like that...zzzz.
I fear that MJ will discover the book title!
how long will your mother be here? I have some ideas for what to do with her.
T will be done with camp on the 24th (i think, unless I stick him in another session) and my friend from Nebraska is coming end of the month. we need to think of fun things.
btw you could always drag mum and kids to artscape LOL
steve......Darling I believe you will get published and be the next JK Rowling. I could try hash on my mother. Good idea.
gorilla bananas....I am tired of all this fighting talk. When are you going to propose to my mother. She is always saying there are no good men out there. But she has clearly never been wooed by a sophisticated gorilla such as you.
some chilean woman...my mother is definitely outspoken and very amusing but sometimes it can get embarassing!
xl...I am sure MJ won't mind - I believe it is my original title since I wrote this book in 1994.
kira...she is here for two weeks ...not too bad!
I recognize that first picture. It's one of those damn Disney theme breakfasts where they charge you $100 a family to have Dennys quality food and be visited by a bunch of employees in character costumes. Arrrghhh...
I adore the cover. Congrats.
So do guys who dig fat chicks get all upset when their partners suddenly get a bit comfortable, start looking after themselves and begin losing weight...
I like the cover! Can't wait to check it out.
As for your mom...I would say start popping Xanax like skittles, but sucking Valium might not mix well with that. And alcohol. I assume you will be drinking?
Also, I think I may just steal the Alice in Wonderland theme idea for the kid's next b-day.
For your impending visitor...tiny earplugs? They work with my Father. haha. And bravo on the book. My first manuscript gathers dust in our garage and currently is landing pad for a spider.
VE.....Well we will recreate a cheap version out of crepe paper at home!
The Peach Tart...
Thanks darling, and I love your name.
fingers...
So do guys who dig fat chicks get all upset when their partners suddenly get a bit comfortable, start looking after themselves and begin losing weight...
I think sometimes the guy gets fed up because when she was a fatty she was just pleased to get any male attention but then when she looks slim and hot and gets whistled at he feels threatened. That could be a good idea for a novel: FROM FLAB TO FABULOUS
otherworldlyone...
pop Xanax like Skittles
excellent idea!
JennyMac...
Tiny earplugs what a wonderful idea. Thanks for the tip.
Smiling Hello Emma:)
The cake mouthwatering but you know holidays at door, and I closed my doors against anything made from flour:)
Oh how lovely to find your
Smiling Hello Emma:)
The cake mouthwatering but you know holidays at door, and I closed my doors against anything made from flour:)
Oh how lovely to find your note on my little page! Many thanks for stopping by, and looking fwd your next visits:)
Happy weekend & Miles of Smiles~
ps- sorry for impatient button moving made on my above comment.
You can bet your Bundt pan I'll be buying your book. Anything to inch you closer to the fame that I'm hoping will earn myself a position as paid hanger on. I'm planning my outfits already . . .
nihal....luckily you can read or eat my book without packing on the pounds and its flour free!
moi....Thanks for the support sweetie ..I am counting the days until I can employ you as my celebrity stylist and PA. And make sure that there is only San Pellegrino water in my dressing room or you're fired!! lol
Thanks for visiting my blog, Emma. Congratulations on your book! What a tremendous accomplishment, one that I hope to share in someday.
I loved your piece concerning Bruno, and now, I am contemplating who I who's personal slave I would like to be. I'm sure I will think of someone soon enough when the moment is right.
As for keeping your calm amidst the drama, I think alcohol works best for most. Try some 2 parts lemonade to 1 part vodka. No one will suspect it's loaded, and you can make it on the cheap!
zeus...even though I would love to be Bruno's bitch I am deeply ashamed to say that I have not yet watched the Bruno movie. Bruno will be most annoyed and probably spank me with a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes.
The book looks delicious! As for your mother, sit her down in the corner with the book. With a bit of luck she'll be so engrossed that she doesn't get time to upset your neighbours ... or you!
Emma, I'll tell you what you do with your mother. Take her down to the Senior Center, where she'll play Bingo for hours on end, and maybe find a sexy senior citizen. When she comes home, plug in a Lawrence Welk DVD. That should take her up to bedtime. Repeat as necessary.
Good going on the book deal. I know my twisted smut will never get in print (never shot for that star anyway), so I'm happy for you.
Buy? I've just bought some fish and chips Sooooo gorgeous that it will be making yer mouth water right now. Fish and chips. Fish and chips. That's right, FISH (cod) and chips.
With vinegar and salt.
A great big bit of cod so white inside and so flaky it falls apart in my mouth. Mmmmm! The batter crunches as I chew on it!
Chips to die for!
Sex? you ever tried to fuck a bit of freshly fried cod?
(I tried but it burnt my knob. Sick bastard)
around my kitchen table....She has no time for reading she is up and down like a yo yo...on the upside she has already thoroughly cleaned the kitchen.
Rocco Tool...
lol my mum would not be seen within a hundred miles of a Senior Centerl...last time she was here she embarassed me by scoring pot off one of my friends.
She is 63 and does look maybe 45 and also has a lot of energy so I am keeping her busy with housework.
Ron Knee...
you have made me crave fish and chips very badly ...there are no good chippies here in the USA...
I have not tried to fuck a freshly fried bit of cod because I am a female.
I'm back, I had a holiday from it and have too much to say, so I'm back. Mothers!!!
Congrats on the book!!!
So how's it going with your Mum?
Sx
jules...so pleased to have you back. You have been missed.
scarlet-blue...let's just say that having to listen to a piercing austrian accent for 15 hours a day is playing havoc with my sanity.
Don't worry...I emailed her ahead of time with some fun questions that the gnomes made up. I can't wait to hear the blog posts...
Always good to have 2 things together a book and a sex toy so when you are nice and relaxed and ready then bring out the toy and relax even more. To top it off have some chocolate strawberries on the side to hit the final moment when you are ready to just sink into the tub. You can get a great selection of toys at www.hotgvibe.com.
Post a Comment