"Ah yes,and here at the end of the tour we come to the desk of the famous writer Emma Kaufmann who wrote many a bonkbuster at this desk. She claimed chaos fuelled her creativity."
If you are wondering where I have gone I really am writing a novel - honest. The upside of writing a novel is it stops me from thinking about food 24/7 and I think I have already lost three pounds. The book is a black comedy murder mystery but I am keeping it very much under my hat at the moment.
Writing a novel is quite good in so many ways because when your husband says, "Why is there only a dried carrot in the fridge?" or "This house is a tip and why have you left sixteen pans in the sink to soak?" you can quite reasonably reply, "Well I was working on my novel and I must have lost track of time."
The top reason why I want to be published is that it will generate the funds to get a cleaner. Although I am not sure I need a cleaner, really I just need an organiser. My clothes were all over the floor in my room and I bought some coathangers from IKEA with the intention really of at some point in the future taking that very strong tape off them and maybe at some point hanging the coathangers in my wardrobe. But really I just threw the coathangers on top of my pile of clothes. There is already a problem in the wardrobe since there are tons of clothes just lying around on the bottom of it.
But then thankfully a solution presented itself. My daughter Sausage whose ambition is "To be a cheer leader or dance teacher or cowgirl," came in while I was lying on the bed reading a book to my other daughter and without me asking her managed to wrangle the coathangers free of the tape and then she actually hung all my clothes on the hangers and hung them in the wardrobe. It was absolutely mind blowing. I cried for three days. I had birthed a Sausage who loved to tidy. Where had she gotten the genes from? I did not know but I was so grateful.
No I am serious it looks like this now!!
Apart from a brief phase in the Brownies where I used to wear turquoise dungarees and do my hair in pigtails and used to make my bed every day I have been a pretty messy person. I do not have the male gene that allows one's room to be full of pizza boxes and old lager cans (well apart from at university) but I have to say I simply feel much more comfortable in a messy house. It is just lucky I am married to someone neat or I might become one of those hoarders like the woman next door who lives with three obese cats and several tons of silk flowers, unopened letters and porcelain dolls covered in shrink wrap.
The fact is the creative person needs to be surrounded by chaos to write. Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Are you an anal retentive clean freak who carries around antibacterial wipes or do you simply allow your kitchen to become a petri dish for germs like I do?
Who am I? Displaced Londoner now living in the States with my two little girlies and long suffering husband. Co-author of hilarious parenting book Cocktails at Naptime www.cocktailsatnaptime.com
My mom's an Austrian, my dad's a Brit, which makes me a Britaustrian, or possibly an Austrish?