No, it's not April Fool's Day I swear. David Hasselhoff, of Knight Rider, Baywatch and America’s Got Talent fame is opening up his brain and allowing you the opportunity to dig deep into his legendary wisdom.
Yes, The Hoff's BRAIN now has an IPhone application called Ask The Hoff which answers questions using pre-recorded responses from Hasselhoff while an animated version of the star is displayed.
If you've ever wanted to access the Hoff's brain and I know I haven't you can now ask it questions about life and receive answers from a man who is known all around the world as the Californian answer to the Dalai Lama. Dr Phil is already quaking in his boots at this usurper into the lucrative screw people over who have emotional problems market and believes the vision of the Hoff wearing Speedos appearing on iPhones may bankrupt his Misery Mining Conglomerate. Dr Phil was even spotted secretly having hair plugs - on his chest - in a desperate attempt to attract the Hoff's demographic which is aging women (and men) in their seventies who think of him as something of a toy boy.
BATTLE OF THE CHARLATANS
Dr Phil is furious that the Hoff is on his turf and that he looks better in Speedos
Who knew there was a market for this?
The application was designed by Hasselhoff’s company Hotstuff Productions (you can’t make this stuff up) and Never Odd or Even LLP which is a UK-based company specializing in iPhone applications. So, if you are looking for help with your life, and wish to have the “expert” opinion of David Hasselhoff, the application will only cost you $0.99 in the iTunes Apps Store.
Do you sometimes feel like you have gone to sleep only to awake in an alternate reality where applications like this actually exist? Normally I do not, but suddenly that is exactly how I feel now that there is an iPhone application where I can ask David Hasselhoff for advice. I only pray Hasselhoff’s advice is intended to be taken tongue-in-cheek. I draw the line at asking an animated “Hoff” which stocks to buy or sell or even something he knows about like whether silicone implants feel better than saline in your hand?
"I know there are moments when everyone faces major decisions in life and need advice from an expert,"said Hasselhoff, "so as the proud owner of not one but two iPhones (I like to be able to make two phone calls at once!), I'm very pleased to announce the launch of my very own iPhone app."
"It's silly and it's fun, but it's the only way to make important decisions at home and at work," commented Paul Smith, creative partner at Never Odd Or Even LLP. "This iPhone app gives iPhone and iPod owners the chance to receive guidance from their favourite bouffant haired Trans Am driving lifeguard."
Got a problem?
I am pretty sure I could get better advice from Grover.
Meanwhile I need some questions to ask the Hoff. Please add to the list.
Can your blood circulation be cut off when you wear skin tight Speedos for 24 hours? If so does your penis fall off?
How many hours of makeup and bottles of foundation did it take to get Pamela Anderson to go from skanky to hot?
Does anyone apart from you actually find you sexy?
Is your hair real or is it that silly string type hair you can get out of a spray can for Halloween?
Also, let's think of other people's brains we'd love to plug into. Jordan are you listening?
Who am I? Displaced Londoner now living in the States with my two little girlies and long suffering husband. Co-author of hilarious parenting book Cocktails at Naptime www.cocktailsatnaptime.com
My mom's an Austrian, my dad's a Brit, which makes me a Britaustrian, or possibly an Austrish?