Ode to a Tampon
Tampons are something no man wants to discuss
Like what is their function?
It just makes men blush
When we tell them that they just need to rush
To the chemist because we are a dam about to gush
They make silly suggestions to which we reply:
"No a rolled up slice of white bread won't do just as well
Do you want a poke in the eye?"
What is it with men and the embarassment factor
Of purchasing tampons
It makes them feel emasculated
Makes them lose their erections
But tampons are friends
They are fun toys for kids too
My five year old thinks Tampax
Are sleeping bags for 'mice'
the furry white creatures that huddle inside
When you need a tampon in a hurry they're nowhere to be found
You can't get them from drug dealers, ten Supers for a pound
Always be aware of tampon borrowing etiquette:
When asking a stranger if you can borrow a tampon
Don't be surprised if she doesn't want it back
I am fond of my tampons
And thank God they exist
For if they didn't
There'd be blood on the streets
Written for today's writing prompt over at Sleep Is For the Weak: 'Write a letter to something that you own, that you love, or maybe that you hate.'
What do you think - does it have good flow (ho ho ho)? Add another verse if you like!
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25 comments:
I'd like to swim in the local river in a wet suit made out of tampons. I'd just like to see the look of amazement on the local street urchins as all the water disappears.
yes, can't live without them!
Ode to Tampons by a Guy
Always around
Mysterious
No known use
Prince Charles said he wanted to be one, so they obviously don't embarrass him.
I remember being 16 and sent to the chemist to buy a box of tampons for the girlfriend.
'What size ??' asked the chemist.
I put my thumb and index finger together, made a vajajay shape with them and said 'It's gotta fit in here.'
I was serious too...
Sad, growing up in a Mormon home I wasn't allowed to wear tampons until after I got married and had sex. I wish I had your poet abilities so I could express my love for tampons in a more adequate way.
They are jolly good for nose bleeds as well.
Sx
LMAO!!!!
Thanks for that!
This is BRILLIANT.
I actually hate the buggers. I think it comes from pervasive memory from childhood and those little blue boxes that my mum kept hers in in her bag.
I was SURE she was hiding in sweets in there and I think I have resented the fact that they weren't some kind of magical, secret candy ever since.
Don't send me out to buy feminine hygiene products and I won't send you to the electronics store to buy CAT5e patch cables!
fabulous! Even though i am inwardly cringing at the horrible 'streets awash with blood' image. Shudder.
We men folk don't like to think about such things. In fact, most of us are unsure if women actually digest food or if it just magically disappears from their bodies in some sort of stink free pink puff cloud.
kabuki is creeped out by feminine hygeine products in general, although panty liners are almost not creepy. Nope, changed my mind, liners are still creepy also.
I think that's probably a first!!! Tagged you over at mine.
Genius! Thank you for the laugh. I want to show this to all my pre-menstrual friends now.
haha, I can't look at a tampon without thinking of Rick in the Young Ones: "Look! Its a telescope with a mouse in it! Brilliant!"
Tampons make bloody good firelighters when camping.
Also a tampon is good because it means that time of the month again. Blow job time !
That was a masterpiece!
I agree, Memphis. I'm on form today.
OK. Only joking. But I think too much praise and Emma will be up herself over her Tampon article.
El-Kevo.....very funny poem!!
Didn't know there were any men who wouldn't have sex during a period -I never met them!! I think we had this discussion before something about your wife doesn't want it during period
I am always up myself lol
lol love the poem. You're the Frost of feminine hygiene products.
You can write all the odes you want but you'll never ever convince me that getting your period is the equivalent of having twelve Springs a year in your panties...
fingers....At least you are not one of those 'new men' who on a date say 'I always wanted to know what it felt like to have a period you know, to get in touch with my feminine side.' although I believe it is quite an effectivr chat up line!!
Really funny one
Speaking of feminine products we have a nice selection of female sex toys at hotgvibe.com .
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