Monday, June 07, 2010

Frog Hopper: Caption Competition


Well I return battered and bruised from a weekend at an amusement park. And such was the humor of this photo I took that I thought hey why not have a caption competition? So, put your captions in the comments section by Friday at which point I will randomly draw a winner. And remember, politically incorrect captions are most welcome.

So as for prizes. Well if you are yourself a frog I can send you a couple of juicy flies. I was in a county near here called Essex recently and actually saw the grossest thing ever - a live bait dispenser where fisheman (I presume) could get live maggots out of a machine. But assuming that most of you aren't a frog the winner will receive a copy of my hilarious book Cocktails at Naptime which will be published in Australia by Finch Publishing in October (so okay it may be a while before you get the book but I guarantee you will love it!!!)


Details about the book as listed at the London Book Fair:

Cocktails at Naptime
The woefully inept guide to early motherhood
by Gillian Martin & Emma Kaufmann

There are secrets that no baby book will tell you, stories that no parenting magazine will even touch with a set of forceps. And that’s a shame because out of postnatal nastiness and the human struggle with sleep-deprivation, couch stainage and perineum bruising, comes forth humour; lots of it. Read about how the Mothers of History dealt with getting their figure back, discover how to transform your partner into a sex symbol using only household bleach and a pair of rubber gloves, and find out how to recognise (and avoid becoming) a stereotypical Mummy From Hell. Cocktails at Naptime is a hilarious look at those first twelve months (from birth to back-to-work) and the antidote to the ‘how to’ parenting manuals and the glut of ‘girlfriend’ books. It gives you a hug, a tip or two and the nod to have a big glass of chardonnay.

Emma Kaufmann (Baltimore, USA) and Gillian Martin (Aberdeen, Scotland) met over the Internet and wrote the book together. Gillian has been published in several blogger compilations and is a radio personality with many connections to UK media outlets. Emma has been published in You’re Not the Only One, as well as in the British blogger compilation for Comic Relief, Shaggy Blog Stories. She has also written the successful erotic novel, Lured by Lust (Virgin Books/Random House 2000) and Confessions of a Cake Addict (Agora International 2009).

Publication October 2010 224pp, illustrations, trade paperback. RIGHTS AVAILABLE: All excluding ANZ.

23 comments:

dulwich divorcee said...

How about: "What?? Mom says I'm just big-boned."

Steve said...

Genetically modified IVF sextuplets give French scientists cause for concern..."

Cunning_Linguist said...

You said you'd never let that picture of me out! That does it. Now I post "EmmaK and Tiger : A brief love story about ball washing".

I swear I'll do it.

Rusty Hoe said...

Headline: "Lost Child Found Embedded in Man's Arse". Yesterday in America Town Somewhere, officials report a child first thought missing was found embedded in the arse of a rotund amusement park visitor. The unsuspecting child apparently became stuck in Mr Burger Guzzlers arse when he sat down without looking on the Frogger ride. When questioned Mr Guzzler reported that he was unaware of the small child stuck in his buttocks and had mistaken the muffled screams for help, as gas due to the gallon of chilli and corn dogs he had consumed in the minutes prior to deciding to go on the ride. The child's predicament was only discovered when Mr Guzzler stood up and two little legs were seen sticking out of his large butt cheeks. After much laughter, pointing, and photo taking, bystanders assisted Mr Guzzler, and the child was safely removed.

Okay so it's not a caption. But a picture such as that deserves it's own news story. :)

Electro-Kevin said...

You have the knack of book titling - the cover sells itself. Good luck with the latest.

Caption contest:

"Well we've been stuck up here so long ...and I er ... kinda got hungry."

fingers said...

I know what I'd like to enter as the caption for your photo compettion.
But I won't...

CaliSunshine said...

haha love your blog! Are you into funny blogs? (if so come check out mine; http://drama-filledteenslife.blogspot.com/)
xoxo,
calisunshine

"Frank had rollercoaster phobia, so his friend decided to start him out easy... Little did he know that Frank was also scared of frogs"

mrshev.com said...

'I did it for a bet,' announced Emily taking a $10 note from Mel, 'but don't worry he'll be gone soon, he's not strapped in.'
'Fly away, doughboy...be free,' smiled Mel.

Gaz in Glasgow said...

After extensive plastic surgery, paedophile Gary Glitter's wherabouts were only discovered after he couldn't contain himself on a kiddie ride at an American theme park. "If only I'd hat a ten gallon hat", Glitter exclaimed after he was carted off by the authorities.

Misssy M said...

Obviously don't put me in for the prize draw..but my caption is "Once again the Spencer Family waited patiently for the Fire Brigade to arrive after Dad blamed his five kids for overloading the Frog-Hopper"

EmmaK said...

Cunning Linguist...."EmmaK and Tiger : A brief love story about ball washing". I await your masterpiece with bated breath!! xx

Gorilla Bananas said...

The little girl on the far right is saying "You've got bigger boobs than my mum!".

EmmaK said...

gorilla bananas.....It does rather look like she is saying that! Good one

Wanderlust said...

"Sorry kid, get your own inflatable black cobra head."

EmmaK said...

wanderlust....ha ha that was really funny!

Electro-Kevin said...

"No. I'm not masturbating under my hat, you impudent child ! I'm merely relocating the blood from my legs to avoid DVT."

Electro-Kevin said...

E-K goes where Fingers fears to tread.

fingers said...

E-K: Ask Emma privately where I trod before you question my fear-factor...

EmmaK said...

E-K....ha ha yes fingers did send me an outrageously perverted caption privately by email but he is a gent so decided not to go pubic on this or do I mean public!

yours is great though Kev

EmmaK said...

Wanderlust....yay!! you are the winner. I will email you.

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