I've had a busy time of it recently since Waity Katie decided to tie the knot with that bald fellow with the receding chin - Wills or whatever his name is. To my British friends out there I have this momentous news to impart: yes there are actually people, okay Americans that did not know that Harry was son of Hewitt.
In the midst of Royal Wedding hysteria over here in the US it's been my duty to inform the Yanks about the history of the royals, and to set some stuff straight about what exactly Diana did with her riding instructor. I can inform you that there are many people okay Americans who actually think Di was an innocent victim in her marriage, and okay maybe she was to some extent but that didn't stop her from playing hide the salami with every Tom, Dick and Hewitt and more power to her I say.
But enough cynicism from me. It's not every day that the humble daughter of a millionaire gets to marry an inbred son (definitely a product of Charles on this one due to the balding etc). And get this - even though Katie is sporting the engagement ring once worn by Di worth a cool £85,700 now you too can share in the great day by purchasing your own piece of celebrity tat for only $19.90!! (play video above) - in the form of the "Royal Heirloom Ring, a limited edition replica of the timeless heirloom. The beautiful simulated “Ceylon” sapphire represents the original quality of the centerpiece and is surrounded by scintillating brilliant Diamond X-4 CZs and prong set in silver plate. It’s style, luster, color and cut are unsurpassed."
And I do take issue with this pile of silliness: "Kate’s story of an everyday girl meeting her Prince and one day becoming the Queen of England is a modern day fairytale come true."
What? Since when was Kate a checkout girl at Asda?
My point is this and there is a point - Kate is not a coal miner's daughter who happened to catch the eye of a prince. She is a stinking rich Sloane - a UK Paris Hilton as it were without the entrepreneurial spirit to make sex tapes like One Night In Paris but a woman of wealth who has never worked a day in her life. Which is fine but why pretend otherwise? To sell cheap ring imitations perhaps?
What gets me about Kate is she's so bloody boring. She has a great figure yet wears clothes that look like they come from M&S. At the very least Katie get some designers to make you some great fashion forward dresses. Am I alone in looking nostalgically back at the old royals? In the old days Royals knew that they were layabouts with a duty to entertain the British public. Who can forget Prince Edward's um, production company that never made a bean and was funded by the royal wallet or Prince Margaret who was always drunk as a skunk, Prince Phillips racist comments which were frankly hilarious, Prince Andrew swinging both ways, Princess Di crazy as a fruitbat cavorting with cokehead Dodi and doing hilarious interviews about 'there were three of us in our marriage', and last but not least the Princess of Pork who has been exceptionally good value on the entertainment front and even tried to sell 'access to Prince Andrew' for a cool $725,000 before being declared bankrupt (she now blames that debacle on being a boozer). God help me I miss the colourful old style royals. Do you? Do you think the royals have a duty to be entertaining or are you pleased to see the new breed of royals like Kate and Wills who are about as dull as a wet weekend in Bognor Regis and seem to have hermetically sealed genitals? Discuss.
Who am I? Displaced Londoner now living in the States with my two little girlies and long suffering husband. Co-author of hilarious parenting book Cocktails at Naptime www.cocktailsatnaptime.com
My mom's an Austrian, my dad's a Brit, which makes me a Britaustrian, or possibly an Austrish?