Well last week I volunteered to lead twelve seven year olds through a forest on a field trip to learn about Native Americans. The trip lasted four hours and afterwards I had to have a G&T and a nap. I mean seriously, the twelve went in all different directions, tried to skate on an icy pond and fell over, got knee deep in mud, and generally whacked each other while I shouted myself hoarse trying to get them all in single file. And were any of them grateful for this marvellous educational opportunity? No, most of them moaned and said they were 'freezing and wanted to go home.'
So when I saw that video of the goldfish doing synchronized swimming after allegedly being fed iron filings and dragged around by a magnet I must say the thought did occur to me about how much easier it might have been for me and for all those teachers and Girl Scout leaders on the verge of a nervous breakdowns if they'd simply followed suit. How much easier it would be if, on school trips, all the kids were secretely fed iron filings for breakfast (easily done mix it with All Bran and I defy anyone to tell the difference) with the result that they'd then march behind me in single file pulled along by a giant magnet sequestered in my backpack.
In fact I can think of a lot of ways in which the iron filing/magnet idea could save people a lot of effort. For example what about lazy pole dancers? If the lady wore a metal headdress she could be sort of spun round via giant magnets.
There are so many ways magnets could help us. I'm sure you can think of some. Go on let's put our thinking caps on. Who would you like to magnetize?
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13 comments:
There is of course a very dubious application for this technology. No longer will we see seedy old men holed up in bars with phials of rohipnol, but seedy old men with iron tablets and horseshoe style magnets hoping literally to pull some sexy young chic back to their motel room for a little south pole to south pole action...
I LOVE the pole dancing idea. That would save a lot of bruising and chaffing, let me tell you.
I think we almost certainly need magnets attached to our partner's penis' to aid in the erection debacle. After a long hard day, can one really be bothered with foreplay. Really?.
How about a magnetic belt that pulled the fat on my stomach flat though my body to my back. My luck I'd end up with a fat back.
I could never understand why Lex Luthor didn't just stick Superman in an MRI and shred the f*cker.
Have you ever seen what those things do to someone wearing a nose ring...
Don't forget that magnets can work either way. If they are opposites they attract and if they are the same they repel. So it could be handy to have the opposite magnet to people we don't like. They would come charging towards us to tell us all about the boring events that have taken place in their pathetic lives since we last met and ... bingo ... all of a sudden they fall over backwards thus providing unaccustomed amusement to everyone in the vicinity.
Now there's a thought. Am now thinking about using this technique at work with the petulant children... although not sure how I would get them to ingest the iron filings, even with the quality of the coffee round here.
Although it might be an improvement on the taste.
Hmmm... *scratches head*
LCM x
I like the magnet idea - definitely try that next time. To be fair though, I remember being dragged on those field trips by teachers who promised a really fun and exciting day out, only to be marched through some soggy fields in the rain, so I can sort of understand their lack of enthusiasm. Thank god for G&T.
Other cars. I just can't stand other people's cars on the street. What are they doing there? I mean, don't those people have to go to work, have things to do? No they are all clogging up MY roads.
PS: The Mirror? Really? Tsssss...
The possibilities are endless but I'd start with inserting magnets into the husband and children so I could pull them in the direction of the dishwasher and pile of dirty laundry on their bedroom floors...
You are a freak! I love you for it though. Yes, I will get my thinking cap on and think of all the wonderful things we could do with magnets!! xx
If people ingested the magnets and then wore a special magnet hat, all those parts of the body that are pointing South would then become perky again.
I would have no need of such a hat, I'd like to make clear.
Trish...Total genius! Going off to ingest some iron filings and cobble together a 'magnet hat'!!
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