Equal Rights for Orgasms

It isn't often I get behind a cause but getting behind Slummy Single Mummy's campaign for Equal Rights for Orgasms seemed like a no brainer. She first spearheaded the campaign after her new boyfriend told her something about "the natural ratio of male to female orgasms is five to one, three to one if you’re lucky. Apparently this is Nature’s Way. Something to do with cavemen and childbirth." And while she's pretty sure he was just yanking her chain, when I first read that dreadful statistic, 5 to 1, well, I screamed.

I don't often react violently to something I read and bear in mind I was reading her blog in a public library. A librarian came over and told  me to "simmer down." So I did. Still reeling with shock, I slunk to the bathroom, splashed cold water over my face and tried to think whether there could be any truth to this statistic.

Now I don't want to boast but I'm pretty much a 2 or 3 to 1 (female to male). The way I see it women can have multiples so we're streets ahead. So maybe it takes a few months training with diagrams, very loud moaning when he 'hits the mark' and felt tip marked circles around the erogenous zones (I only partly jest) but once your partner is fully trained surely it's a no brainer to take the lady to the top of the mountain and hear her yodel?

No, if this 5 to 1 thing is the case, and that some women are going without their rightful share of orgasms, then I'm afraid I have to lay it firmly at the feet of the women. Sure I've been with guys who for one reason or another didn't exactly light my fire but obviously those boyfriends were put back on the 'gently used' shelf so some other poor sucker could try and breathe life into their subpar sexual skills.

If the guy isn't hitting the mark then that's it, as far as I'm concerned, it's curtains. And before you think I'm being selfish think about if the clitoris was on on the other foot: if your partner did not regularly climax, if you left him high and dry more often than not, would he happy about it? Or would he complain so much you'd never hear the end of it? You know the answer. I'm really tired of hearing women's mags talking about sex as 'enjoy the journey, don't try and rush to the destination.' What a crock. Now, not being of the leisure class with the funds to fly Business Class with my own valet, I can't say there's many a journey in a smelly economy flight surrounded my my own puking progeny that I've enjoyed that much even when the final destination was lovely. So I say no, the destination is what's important and sod the ride.

Which brings me to the dare to bare portion of my post. Do you think the 5 to 1 ratio is right? If you are a female, does that ratio apply to you? If so what do you think is going wrong? If you are a man does the 5 to 1 sound right? Even taking into the account the high numbers of O fakers out there.

And if - God forbid - you are not even achieving a 1 to 1 I urge you to join the campaign for Equal Rights for Orgasms as a matter of urgency.

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