Where did my brain go? Last week I lost it. My husband was in Chicago and it can safely be said that the wheels, which were only very loosely attached to the cart in the first place, fell off completely.We live in a part of Baltimore that is very much like a little village in The Darling Buds of May. Or maybe it's a bit like in the Cheers sitcom where 'you want to go where everyone knows your name!' In any case it's very friendly and quaint, all rambling roses, cottagey houses, bendy windy roads and purple clematis, which is a bit weird I suppose because drive a mile south and the only decorations in the yards are discarded mattresses with their springs hanging out, heroin syringes and used condoms.
The first um incident occurred last Wednesday when the sheer giddy freedom of being a lusty housewife loose in Baltimore when straight to my head. After a gal pal and I enjoyed a boozy lunch and relaxing pedicure I remembered that oh yeah I had to collect the kids from school. Fear not, I successfully achieved that but once we got home realized I had a throbbing headache. So I popped what I thought were two Tylenol. Alas when I looked at the container I realized I'd actually taken a sleeping tablet called Tylenol PM - which is an absolute Godsend, you know, if you actually want to go to sleep. Unfortunately it was 4pm on a Wednesday and I suddenly felt very tired. After deciding that the drive to the girls' ballet class was probably unwise due to the threat of sleeping at the while I decided to lie down on the sofa 'just for a minute.' Three hours later I was shaken awake by my daughter who demanded food. Feeling very guilty indeed I arose and swiftly assembled a nutritious meal (aka mac and cheese from a box).
Now of course, living in America I've been thinking that maybe I could sue Tylenol like that woman who burnt herself on McDonalds coffee because she had no idea coffee was made with boiling water. Indeed the two containers for Tylenol do look startlingly similar. That said I don't think I have much of a case. I will just have to put the PM one in a place I don't visit very much like on the ironing board so that I only access it in an insomnia related emergency.
The other thing that happened was on the Friday my kids went home with another family because it had clear slipped my mind that they had a half day. The problem with living in a happy clappy community I suppose is you know that there will always be someone looking out for your kid so you don't worry too much. I have even, believe it or not, taken a few kids to my house when their parents didn't show up - it's no biggie. But forgeetting the half day somehow seemed like the final straw, and the first step towards senility. Luckily my husband has returned in the nick of time - I have to buy supplies for the girls' Brownie camping trip today and there are 35 items on it - frankly, I think doing it solo would have tipped me over the edge.
I have absolutely no idea how anyone has more than one kid. Have you ever accidentally mislaid one of your kids or taken one pill in lieu of another with disastrous consequences? Feel free to share!
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33 comments:
Considering the title of your blog, this post clears up the mystery behind that.
I haven't left my kids anywhere (yet), but I did lose one in the woods with a mom I didn't know. Everyone was okay, but it scared the bejeezus out of me.
Ick. When men folk leave it should be the law that they must take the children with them. Bloody things are always getting in the way of a good afternoon piss up, eh?
So far I've not left any of them anywhere. Although I do dream about it...
Take more pills. It's the only answer. More pills. And sleep.
I have it on good authority that Tylenol PM stands for Pissed Mother. That should help you remember which is which.
Kids? What? Oh, you mean those small people who have been banging on my front door yelling "Mummy!" for the last half hour?
Right. No idea who they belong to.
LCM x
I have turned up somewhere with my daughter but then left at the end without her which was suitably embarassing. I also spent a year on Amitryptaline (for pain control) which left me like a permanent sleeping zombie. I can't recall whether the 2 coincided! I think I might claim they did regardless seems so much better than "mother abandons child at party" headline..actually it doesn't at all does it!!!!!
Leave it somewhere you don't visit very much, like the ironing board - hahha very good! Don't worry they all grow up the same...
I once had nearly half a chocolate cake - as I was ravenously hungry - before going to a Bob Dylan gig back when I was a student. Once at the gig I grabbed a policeman and asked him to phone an ambulance as I was having palpitations and was semi delusional.
I discovered later that the cake was laced with my flatmate's finest Moroccan hashish. Ho hum.
I once buried my face in the a strange woman's breasts (honestly I thought it was my wife) in the middle of Harvey Nichols, and asked her if she would buy me an expensive jumper.
Modo ...lol! you did the breast burying stunt without drugs? Wow kudos to you my friend.
Wow poor you with the tablet mix up. Although could come in useful one weekend when the husband is free to look after your child and you put your feet up for *ahem 5 minutes. The packets looking the same is a great get out clause. Use it and abuse it!
No, but I did misplace my sleeping pills one time.
Had to use 'nature's sleeping pill instead'...
I've never had a sleeping tablet, the whole concept of forced sleeping freaks me out. I can't imagine the look on your face when you realised you'd mixed them up!
At least this week must be an improvement x
I did the exact same thing with Tylenol PM once. Perhaps we should considera class action? No, too lazy to.
Would like to forget the children somewhere sometimes, but haven't actually done it yet.
Did the boxed mac and cheese turn out okay? Because I know there is absolutely no warning on that box to not prepare while drunk, high, or having accidentally taken sleeping pills.
Course if they had such a warning it would probably cut their market in half.
Still - if it was too hot or curdy you could probably sue for that too
Fussy Eater's Mum...thank God for that! I thought I was the only one who'd made that swap in a moment of total tiredness/distraction. Yeah too lazy to go to court!
Bigwords....my first thought was I wonder if I can make myself sick to get these pills out of me but thought better of it. PM isn't exactly a sleeping pill - it contains Benadryl I think which makes you sleepy. It doesn't even always knock you out I just think I must have been particularly knackered that day.
Wow, that was awkward....
Yeah ha ha I wonder if when the kids leave home I will stop getting headaches?
How old are the kids and why couldn't they make their own food and some for you too? They're never too young to learn..
my problems is more that i fall asleep too easily - even more so, when i was up a bit too long the night before.. one day i basically PASSED OUT across my couch/bed (just taking a rest..) and an hour later was woken up from a flustered tradie who had come in (!) for work and thought i was out - until he discovered my 2yo on his own..and then me. He was about to call an ambulance. yeah, no, all good mate, just taking a nap.. (AWKWARD!)
@Modo OMG ! i thought that only happens to my SON (5years) ROFL!!
Philipa I don't mind them making food as long as I'm conscious - but I've had too many unfornate incidents with them innocently saying 'but mum we were just making pancakes' while plumes of black smoke fill the house, for me to give them carte blanche as it were to use appliances outside the toaster unaided! In a few years though ...
suburp...Funny story! Yeah I fall asleep pretty easily but then sometimes I wake up at 2am and can't get back to sleep. Occasionally in that circumstance I'm pop a PM!!
Ah yes: every domestic appliance is an incendiary device. I confess mine aren't allowed to touch the cooker, but they make great sandwiches. Always with added chocolate :-/
Horribilis indeed! My mum forgot to pick me up from a half day at school when I was in year one - our good friends were saying they'd take us home but I started crying saying I wasn't allowed to get in to anyone else's car... kind took the stranger danger thing a little too far.
I have a prescripton for Ambien, my nearest and dearest friend.
Haven't your happy clapping child-minded community members ever heard of a telephone? Or did you sleep through their attempts to contact you?
Being Me.. lol yes my cell phone was switched off and I was out shopping while they tried to call!
Mrs Tuna....Ambien, hmm, what is your husband's experience of you on it? My friend says her hubby takes Ambien and in the 10 mins it takes to kick in he starts slurring like a lecherous drunk, gropes her and then falls dead asleep. I'm wondering if you do same?
Funny.
Yes, luckily, I can still manage to count to Two, even on a bad day - so *so far* I haven't left one behind anywhere... yet. LOL
Shit happens but its how you deal with it that counts. I find wine works, oh and being able to laugh about it. I am starting to get very very forgetful and I fear it may be a sloppery slope and I will leave the Average brood somewhere. God help them.
Great post: had me saying 'oh no, oh no' from across the pond.
Umm, I don't quite think I 'lost' them in the legal sense of the word. (Or if I did I must have forgotten.) But I have certainly been known to suddenly look at my watch and realize for the nth time that month that I am going to be late picking up one or the other.
Accidentally ingested the wrong medication? No. Wish I had your bottle of Tylenol PM? Yes.
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