Thursday, January 24, 2013

Beardo Wierdos are US

I am currently reading a chick lit book called Little Lady, Big Apple in which the heroine is dating an American hunk called Jonathan who like every American male in a book written by a British author (in this case Hester Browne):

- has John F Kennedy massive wavy hair

- has enormous straight teeth like Chicklets

- always wears impeccably tailored chinos or a suit and is styled like someone out of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

- has a waxed chest

- has abs of steel

- has a golden tan but no skin cancer

- trims his nasal hair

- uses a lot of mousse on his hair

- but is not gay

HELLO??? Where are these guys in the real world outside Soap Operas? The only impeccably turned out American guys I have met here have been lawyers or bankers. Most men do not put styling mousse on their heads and while their teeth are straighter than the average UK guy they don't all have glow in the dark teeth.

Believe it or not some men - even men on TV - don't have super straight teeth (like Anthony Bourdain). And even though he has to don a suit for the TV show 'The Taste' he usually looks like something the cat dragged in (but in a good way)

Anthony Bourdain without 5 hrs in hair and makeup

Can I just point out that for the younger generation of American men we are in the in the grips of a beard epidemic like never before.

I'm not sure why, but American men are sporting beards in droves. Even though some of these men really shouldn't be sprouting beards because they are growing in patchy clumps

They're also sporting skinny jeans. Yes skinny jeans with beards. That is the look of the typical American male. I bet some of them are going 'au naturelle' all the way and refusing to wear the giant braces that every American teen seems to wear.

But do you ever see this more shabby US male reflected in romantic literature written by British authors? Like heck you do.

It is always a character called Brad or Chuck with a mega-watt smile and tons of dosh who uses more hair mousse than the lady in his life. If he has chest hair it has probablly been waxed.

Believe me this man does not wear hair mousse

It's time to stop the lies!

While it is true that Americans in general have superior personal hygiene to Brits, I can also say that it is time that the real Amerian male be pictured in chick lit in all his glory.

I mean come on, even Brad Pitt has a beard and he can afford to have someone shave him every day.

So if you're a British author writing about an American hunk remember the younguns are trying to emulate us Brits these days. And since tanning is out these days consider giving your hero a pale-skinned shrunken chest, no muscle definition to speak of, crooked teeth,  lank greasy hair and a misshapen beard. It's the look many of the hipsters here are aiming for.

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Meredith @ The Laundry Can Wait said...

This post is seriously hilarious. Yes, the men in America are all about beards. And the skinny jeans. Don't get me started on those skinny jeans! Ha ha!

Thank you for stopping by my blog and leaving a kind comment. I'm following you back.

Hugs from Oklahoma,

Meg Hodson said...

Thanks for visiting my Bloglovin' Blog hop! I am your newest follower via GFC, Networked Blogs, and Twitter.

I am adding those two books in your side bar to my reading list. ;)

Mammasaurus said...

Heh heh! I'm rather partial to a good beard and skinny jeans maybe I need to cross the Pond on a manhunt!

Katie J said...

HI! I'm a new follower from the Aloha Blog Hop! I loved this post! So funny :)

Steve said...

Beard and bad teeth? See, I knew if I hung in there long enough I'd be cresting the fashion wave eventually...

Katherines Corner said...

you crack me up............Thank you for sharing at the Thursday Favorite Things hop xo

Expat mum said...

My teen punk rocker son is sporting some serious skinny jeans. So skinny in fact, that yesterday he had to cut the entire knees out so that he could bend his legs. I'm hoping that look doesn't catch on!

Rachael H. said...

This is pretty funny! I'm a new follower of your blog! Would love if you could stop by mine :)

The Three Whiskateers

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Emma Kaufmann said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
EmmaK said...

Expat Mum.....oh God that is so funny about your son not being able to bend his knees. Although I do remember as a teen shoe-horning myself into a pair of dreadful skin tight pinstripe jeans of which luckily no photographic evidence exists. (I hope so anyway!!)

EmmaK said...

Meg Hodson ...thanks so much for buying the books. Please let me know if they tickle your fancy!! or put a review up on Amazon. thanks

Steve...ha ha sod's law eh?! Now you are no longer single you have the look all the ladeez are looking for...beard and bad teeth. Hope your wife appreciates she's married to sex on a stick!

Trish Burgess said...

I think this might the same for thrillers aimed at the male market. My husband loves reading these and all the heros are 6ft tall handsome chaps in their 40s who wear smart suits and drive a Lexus. He says he feels an affinity with them....daft bugger!

One Bad Pixie said...

I thought you were talking about a full on beard, not a goatee like BP has in the video. Funny that he would be the spokesman for Channel. Especially since it has been rumoured he has an issue with body odor. I don't care much for skinny jeans- on either sex. They just don't look good.

EmmaK said...

Trish about your hubby's delusions! Yeah I hear's time someone wrote a thriller with a five foot tall baldy as the hero! A warts and all hero with body odor. Ah....maybe not!!

EmmaK said...

One Bad Pixie ...I am talking about anything that looks like it smells ...yeah you are right Pitt looks like he smells like he doesn't wash his pits!

Silhouette de Femme said...

Hi EmmaK
So true this post! Thanks for the follow on our new mother daughter blog, we like your blog & are following back!

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terr davidson said...

This made me chuckle x

VFoley said...

Ha. Thanks for the post. Your newest follower via aloha blog hop.


Leti Del Mar said...

This post had me laughing out loud so hard it hurt. Loved and I'm stopping by from the blog hop and am your newest follower!

Kristin Dawn said...

Hey, new follower from the Aloha Friday Blog Hop. Great post, so funny, love it! Can't wait to check out your blog some more. :)


Sarah Louise said...

Hi, new follower from the blog hop. Can you follow me back too? This post is so funny, looking forward to reading more!

Tressa Westerhold said...

OMG.. you are hiarious! so glad you came by my blog! I look forward to reading more from you! :-)

Navin Menon said...

Stopping by from the Blog Hop, I'm your newest follower on bloglovin looking forward t reading some of your Posts, check my blog out when you have a chance


Lena B, Actually said...

Thanks for linking up with us for the "Let's Be Friends" GFC Hop!! ♥ your newest follower!

Marianne Sandling said...

Love it!! From your newest follower from the hop,

Marianne from Sandling All Day

Chogavl Dave said...

Initial impressions: This is intended as a survivalist Horror themed mod and from the first glimpse you get inside 'The Black House' that's exactly what appears to be what you are in the middle of. The music is ominous, the ambient sounds are made led faucet up of creaking doors and screams and it all sets the mood very nicely.
The walls looks to be modified versions of Blood walls, similar to those used in MM's earlier release Halls of Stonehenge, but look clearer and sharper then they did in HoS. There are great use of ceiling lights, pictures, furniture, spiderwebs and other 'scary' house types of things also.