Competition: Pen a Limerick - Win an Amazing Chocolate Egg



The Easter bunny above (called Paisley) and I are extremely egg-cited about the launch of my Easter Limerick competition (although you can't see his expression under all that fur).

Yes, I am looking for your finest Easter themed limericks. And naturally there is a prize from chocolatiers Hotel Chocolat for letting your creative juices flow onto paper or rather computer screen! So read on if deluxe chocolates are your drug of choice.

As I write I am chomping on a lovely gift from the peeps at Hotel Chocolat who sent me some of their Classic Egglets (below) which are smooth, creamy and delicious. For these are not just any chocolate Easter eggs. Oh no. These babies come as a clutch of seven mellow egglets and come filled with super soft Salted Caramel, smooth Pecan Praline, dreamy Vanilla Truffle and melt-away Hazelnut Praline.

Hotel Chocolat have a strong ingredients philosophy and use only wholesome, real ingredients and their overall mantra is Less Sugar, More Cocoa. All their products are vegetarian.

Have I got you all excited yet?

Well if you want some chocs you'll have to pen the verse.

First I'll answer any questions you may have floating about:

Q: What is a limerick?

A: A limerick is a humorous verse of three long and two short lines with a rhyming pattern of AABBA.

Example written by me:

There once was a cat called Babbitt
Whose lust for Easter eggs became a habit
Chomping through dark, milk or mint
Her egg consumption left her so skint
She had no choice but to marry the Easter Rabbit

Q: Aren’t limericks usually obscene?

A: If you are even slightly familiar with limericks, you’ll likely be aware that they are often bawdy and/or vulgar. You are perfectly free to come close to vulgarity, even hint blatantly at it, but personally I prefer innuendo over blatant vulgarity (although you are free to experiment either way).

The theme is Easter. Bunnies, eggs, chirping chicks. The whole shebang.

Q: What can I win?

At the end of the contest, Paisley the bunny and I will choose a “Most Favored” among all limericks submitted. The author of the Most Favored Limerick will win:



An Egglet Extra Thick Easter Egg

Both half-shells are cast from their special 40% cocoa house milk chocolate. And inside – 12 mini eggs, gorgeously decorated with colourful flourishes and filled with liquid caramel, smooth hazelnut praline, strawberry ganache and more. 12 pieces.

Q: How do I participate?

A: Just post your Easter themed limerick in the comments section below.

Q: Can I enter more than once?

A: Of course! Crush us with your rhyming prowess. You’re welcome to enter as many times as you like, but please enter only one limerick per comment (unless your limerick is multi-versed).

Q: When is the deadline?

A: Monday March 25, 2013 at 11:59pm Eastern.

Yippee! Let the Easter Limerick Party begin!

Submit your Limerick:

Just use the comments section below to astound us with your creativity

Forcing the Dead to Eat Chocolate

You've got to feel sorry for dead celebs these days, because their image can be manipulated to sell seven shades of consumer pap.

For example would John Lennon really have sold out to this degree while alive to sell a Citroen while a) bemoaning the nostalgia for the 60s and 70s (in a clip from 1968, not to mention the fact he was dead by 1980) while letting (b) his voice be done by an impressionist who has obviously never heard John Lennon speak.

I blame Yoko for this faux pas.

And what possessed Charlize Theron to appear in an ad for Dior perfume where Grace Kelly, Marilyn Monroe and Marlene Dietrich pop up from the dead in full face makeup? Creepy, gruesome and just, well, in such bad taste. I mean don't these divas smell a bit rank after having been dug out of the ground years after their demise?

Poor old Audrey Hepburn is the latest product of post-death digital manipulation. It's hardly believable that chocolate ever passed the sacred portal of Hepburn's lips, since Audrey was as skinny as a matchstick. And if it had would it really have been a Galaxy bar? Ooh this is bad...evidently Hepburn was brought back from the dead, forced to ride a bus and eat Galaxy brand chocolate. I just can't imagine her doing this tacky commercial in real life so surely this is disrespectful?

Don't the dead have any rights? Or is this the definition of celebrity hell, having your image regurgitated and forced to do tasteless tricks until the end of time?

What's next I wonder? A commercial with Princess Diana advertising Weight Loss Pills or Anna Nicole Smith advertising Spanx? The mind boggles!

Tuesday's Tea Party

We all know blog hops are a great way to gain more followers, meet other bloggers and help each other grow. Don't forget to return the favor to those who follow you. Every Tuesday you can be sure this shin dig will be going on, so be sure to come on back.

                                                  

Alice @ Adventure Into Domesticland     &     Simply Mad About Beauty

                                                          

Emma @ Mommy Has A Headache          Alicia @ Moms Don't Say That!          Sarah @ Enjoying the Epiphany

1. Follow the host and co-hosts
2. Link up! - Your blog, Facebook, Twitter and/or Pinterest.
3. Grab the badge, place it on your sidebar or link party page.
4. Keep coming back to link up each week!

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As a special thanks for following the blog hop, we are giving away advertising space!
Make sure you enter on the Rafflecopter below.
Click any of the below ad space banners for more information about that pages marketing packages.

Winner receives:

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Please be sure to link up under the right category!

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NOVICA Fair Trade Artisan Gifts Giveaway

NOVICA is one of the leading fair trade artisan websites. They work with National Geographic to give talented artisans around the world a place to express their artistic talents and provide access to the world market. Novica offers thousands of top fair trade corporate gifts, accessories, jewelry and home decor items on their website.

There are an amazing selection of artisan products including a stunning home decor range. I love these amazing geometric cushions called Crimson Riddle:

 



And check out this lovely Cotton kente shoulder bag, 'Ashanti Prosperity'

I'm a jewelry fanatic and immediately fell in love with the designs of Jaipur based designer Bhavesh. I ordered his Blue topaz dangle earrings, 'Blue Flow' and was impressed by the craftsmanship and quality.

When Novica send you the earrings they  also include an artisan story card, giving the background of the designer, which is a lovely touch had it been a gift. For example Bhavesh says:

 

"I come from the enthralling city of Jaipur where I was born and brought up. I was raised by a single parent, since I lost my father when I was barely two and half years old. He died in an accident. Since then, my mother worked so hard to bring us up. After my schooling, I received a bachelor's degree in commerce and also did a short term course in the French language."

 

"Jewelry crafting is our family tradition, dating back to the ancient time when Jaipur was brought to its present structure by Maharaja Sawai Jai Singh II. During that time, my ancestors were jewelers in the kingdom of Jaipur. Since then, the tradition and art have been handed down from generation to generation."

Next on my list of things I want from Novica is this amazing handblown vase, 'Fiery Topaz'

Golden topaz and fiery crimson surge upward from a crystalline base. Enveloped in crystal, the colors swirl in a vase of seductive beauty. Talented artisans craft it by hand of molten glass, employing glass blowing techniques brought to Brazil from the island of Murano in Italy.

I love their stuff and you will too! Enter today to win!

NOVICA $75 Gift Certificate Giveaway:

One lucky reader will receive one $75 Novica Gift Certificate.

Novica Giveaway Dates: January 11 - January 31, 2013 Midnight EST

How to Enter: Enter through rafflecopter- just sign into the widget and click the entries you want to complete.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

I received a Novica gift card that I used towards my purchase in the hopes that I would share my honest opinions. I did not receive monetary compensation and the opinions expressed are my own.

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The Pitfalls of Going Walkies

I am lone walker in a sea of joggers

Hello, pleased to meet you. I am a walkaholic. No, not a workaholic, I'm definitely not one of them. But to me walking is just amazingly therapeutic and fun, especially in a place like Baltimore. The only time I don't like to walk is in the summer when it's 100 degrees out and you can fry an egg on the pavement but the rest of the time I walk as much as I can.

The problem?

Americans just don't get walking.

The only people who walk around here are joggers. So okay, that's jogging rather than walking. In fact, there is a rather strange man, a doctor, who jogs to work come rain or shine in just cycling shorts and no top. He also has a plait down his back as he jogs carrying his medical supplies. He is a bit eccentric but it is good to know he could give me the Heimlich Manouver if I choked on some chewing gum or summat.

The only other people who I see when out walking are bag ladies with trollies full of magazines and tin cans. Also a woman who I think is schizophrenic who walks all over the place in snow, hail and rain but doesn't look that shabby so I think she has somewhere to live.

Um, hello? Where's the snow?

The other people who walk are 'power walkers' who swing their arms around like lunatics, like walking is a serious sport rather than a method of getting from A to B. And don't get me started on those people who walk with Nordic poles like they're fake ski-ing. Hello? Have you noticed there's no snow?

So apart from mad people and sports fanatics no one walks. Basically Americans seem to think you should walk on a treadmill at the gym if at all. Also there are not that many sidewalks so sometimes I risk my life on the edge of a road to go walkies.

Still I persist in walking. Although many's the time a friend has pulled up next to me in her car and said 'Are you okay? Do you want a lift?' And I have to say, 'Actually no, I'm fine, I like to walk.' And they look at me like I'm crazy, especially if it's raining. But I mean, haters don't hate, it's not my fault I have straight English hair that doesn't frizz!

Maybe I am. Crazy I mean.

I'm actually thinking of getting a dog because it will make me look less like an eccentric English person walking around Baltimore if I had a furry friend by my side.

Another person or rather animal who desperately needs to walk is one of my guinea pigs, Marshmallow. I bought Peanut and Marshmallow both guinea pig harnesses for Christmas but Marshmallow does not quite fit into hers as she has rather been putting on the poundage. I will have to make the harness a bit bigger.



And then I can take both of the guinea pigs walkies.

Because that won't make me stick out at all, will it?

BOOK GIVEAWAY: To Bliss and Back

HURRAH THIS BOOK IS OUT TODAY!!

To Bliss and Back (Life Well Blogged) by Abbey Fatica and Monica Merrill-Mylet

What's it all about?

Now you may be a new blogger or you may be an old and jaded one. But whoever you are, fact is, you have to wade through a lot of crappy blogs to find some funny nuggets. So how great is it that these two editors Abbey and Monica have actually trawled the internet for hilarity and pulled together some of the most hilarious posts they’ve come across and compiled them into an anthology of sorts??  They have a multi-part series of eBooks that feature some of the top funny blogging women out there…..(including MOI)

To Bliss and Back is the 2nd book in their series.. the first book is No Laughing Allowed

And, their next book… will be Holly Daze: Underachiever Extraordinaire

But back to this book TO BLISS AND BACK

So....you know I'm in it.

So isn’t that reason enough to rush out and buy it?

No?



What do you mean NO??

 Well, how about that fact that you're probably cranky as hell rushing around buying cheap crap for your kids and you want a laugh and you want to get the warts and all funny take on marriage? Laugh and cry at other tales of marital woe.

Here's the dirt:

To Bliss And Back explores the hilarity that we all experience when confronted with the ups and downs of relationships and marriage. Join the thousands of readers that enjoy these stories posted by the titans of the blogging industry on a daily basis. What could be better than a personal time-out to read and wrap yourself in laughter this season?

So buy one for anyone who wants a giggle about marriage. I mean, marriage, well, it's unnatural innit? Swans are some of the only animals that mate for life and they're cranky little sods aren't they?

So what are you waiting for? Grab your copy and laugh yourself hoarse.These books sure don’t break the bank @ $2.99 and, these ladies are doing a few really nice things. Fifty % of the proceeds are being donated to Sandy Relief Efforts and they will also being giving away a Kindle Fire as soon as they hit 1000 downloads (this series has just launched this month!). You just have to sign up for their newsletter for updates on new eBooks in the series. Newsletter Sign Up can be found here

And if that's not enough. Do you want to win one?!! If so, read on.

GIVEAWAY – I’ll be giving away this Kindle ebook to FIVE lucky readers! All you have to do is leave a comment and you’ll be entered into a random drawing! The drawing will take place at the beginning of January, or whenever I get over my holiday hangover!

Seasons Greetings my lovelies.....

Liebster Award

Thanks to Samantha Stroh Bailey, the divinely talented author of Finding Lucas, for nominating me for the Liebster award.

Nominees need to do the following:

When one receives the award, one posts 11 random facts about oneself and answers the 11 questions asked by the person who nominated you.

Pass the award onto 11 other blogs (while making sure one notifies the blogger that one nominated them!)

One writes up 11 NEW questions directed towards YOUR nominees.

One is not allowed to nominate the blog who nominated one’s own blog!

One pastes the award picture into ones blog. (You can Google the image, there are plenty of them!)

Here are 11 Random Facts about Me!



1. I am obsessed with my guinea pigs and have made youtube videos of them (please don't judge me).

2. I wrote a Judy Blume type book when I was nine where all the words were American (even though I was living and am born in the UK) like diapers etc. It was about me being the head of a family of six kids. I actually only wrote the first chapter and sent it to Jackanory. They said they liked it but I needed to finish it. I will get round to it....

3. I once wrote to Jimmy Saville on Jim'll Fix It to get him to arrange for me to meet Abba. My wish never came true and I was gutted at the time but after all the allegations I'm now quite glad I never met Jimmy.

4. I once dyed my hair orange with Hydrogen Peroxide (it was the eighties).

5. I am an only child but had many imaginary friends.




6. My favorite kids' show was Roobarb and Custard.

7. I love pickled onion flavored Monster Munch even though it gives you stinky breath.

8. I had a massive crush on Rupert Everett as a young adolescent (don't think I had twigged he was gay at the time).

9. I am obsessed with crocheting animals and have a blog about my crafty side side here.

10. I am the only person in the USA who does not own an iPhone or even a Smartphone. I have a dumb phone.

11. I love having my nails done in different shades and patterns.


Here are the questions from the lovely Samantha Stroh Bailey:

1. What is the best costume you've ever worn?

I once went to a Halloween party as a kid as a box of cornflakes.

2. What's the best gift you've ever given?

The gift of life and I have the stretch marks to prove it!

3. If you could be invisible for a day, where would you go and what would you do?

I would love to be a fly on the wall at Will and Kate's place, if only to find out how the deflowering really happened - although I have my ideas

4. Who's your Hollywood crush?

Don't really have one except maybe Al Pacino in Sea of Love. Hawt.

5. What movie always makes you cry?

Bambi


6. What book can you read again and again?

Only cookbooks really like Nigella Lawson's How To Eat.

7. If you could live in the home of any television series, which would it be?

Ten and a Half Men but not now, when it has Charlie Sheen in it. Yeah I wanna be beachside in Malibu! (btw have you read how the 'boy' in it now thinks the show is filth)


8. What is something you have always wanted to try?

Being a workaholic.


9. What's your favorite food?

Chip butty.


10. What's your favorite song?

Win by David Bowie.

11. Describe yourself with one adjective.

Anxious.


Questions for my Nominees:

1. Have you ever Googled yourself and been surprised at what you’ve found?

2. Who would play youin a movie of your life?

3. Have you ever been naked in public?

4. If you could travel in time...where in time would you go? Why?

5. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?

6. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?

7. What did you have for breakfast?

8. Who or what has made you believe in yourself as a writer?

9. What habit or habits do you need to stop?

10. Do you have tattoos? Is so what motifs are they?  

11. Have you started Christmas shopping yet?

Here are my wonderful nominees: UK Desperate Housewife, Salem Patterson, Sibel Hodge, Expat Mum, Note From Lapland, Joanne Clancy, The American Resident, About Last Weekend, Honest Mum, Slummy Single Mummy and Mum in the South.


If I haven't added your name, it's because I know someone else nominated you first!

Who will be nominated next?

From Tantrums to Tiles - A Spiritual Journey

Excuse my absence but I have been busy modelling. Well remodelling really. One kitchen. One bathroom. One new deck. One complete nervous breakdown!

This has been a bit of a learning curve for me. Let's put it this way: I am not a morning person. Usually I need three cups of strong coffee to kick start the motor before even doing a Neantherthal grunt to the spousal unit. But, believe me, having a bunch of men in your house blasting Thin Lizzie in your earholes while bashing down walls with a sledgehammer at seven o'clock every morning will push you to the limit - and beyond.

I mean look, I simply don't get those shows like Hell's Kitchen where the chefs are asleep in a room (with six others) and som Kitchen Hitler comes in at three in the morning and bangs on a steel drum and toots on a trumpet and everyone has to get up immediately and skin a cow and make an entree out of its entrails. And the thing is, everyone seems to do it without going ballistic.

How? Will someone please explain?

Well, I have had the remodellers in for two months and yes it was a bit of a shock to the system. To be fair they are a nice bunch. But I don't find it easy to talk about the texture of wall tiles or the size of  lightbulbs at the crack of sparrows. But you know what, I have managed it. I have become a nicer person. I cannot bite the head off a contractor at seven in the morning or they might retaliate and sew a dead rat behind one of the walls...or something worse!

And what about the strain on one's marriage? Fifty thousand mind blowingly boring discussions about shades of paint have been conducted with Mr Mommy Has a Headache. "I want beige paint for the trim!" "Well I don't! I want oatmeal!"

"Okay, how to you feel about perlescent tiles?" "I don't give a fig for perlescent tiles."

It becomes a tug of war about every little decision. So in the end it's like SURRENDER. You choose the color of the deck and I'll choose the light fixtures. If you don't try and be mature about it you can see yourself ending up in a scene from War of the Roses.

I'm just pleased to say that we are now on the home stretch. For some, alas, things did not end so well. Including this note left by a husband at the close of a remodel project in the 70s was rediscovered recently behind some wainscoting [via Found mag]…

So tell me all about your remodelling experiences. I've heard of awful, drunken contractors who put up wonky walls. So do dish all...if you dare....

The Wacky World of Hello Kitty

As a self confessed Hello Kitty freak and Halloween fanatic I decided to combine the two interests to make a Hello Kitty Witch this year! And if you feel like joining in then you can get the pattern here.

Hello Kitty makes me so mad. She's been going strong for 35 years and still has fur as dewy and unlined as a kitten. But as time has passed and her marketing people have found new ways to exploit her charms, things have inevitably gone, well, a little tasteless.

Let me know if any of these products tickle your fancy. Would you buy:

1. Hello Kitty Assault Rifle

2. Condoms

3. Condom Holders

Surely this is the ultimate turn-off? You might want to keep this handy by the bedside as the ultimate in birth control. The ick factor will make you not want to have sex full stop. Plus she's staring at you the whole time. Seriously freaky.

4. Tooth caps

I mean, come on, who wouldn't like to have Hello Kitty’s face implanted permanently in their mouth?

5. Urinal targets

This one sends a bizarre message. I mean if you were a fan you wouldn't disrespect Miss Kitty by weeing on her now would you, although she is telling you to. Which could mess with young minds a tad.

6. On your Sausages

Makes me think of that Meatloaf song. "I will eat anything for love ...but I won't eat that."

7. Hello Kitty Airplane

Taiwanese Eva Air has a Hello Kitty airplane that flies between Taiwan and Japan.

8. Fake Nails

This Kitty's got claws ...miaow! I'm a self confessed fake nail fanatic but these are just plain wierd.

9. Becks Beer

Who is the target market for this?

10. Pizza

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little....

So what do you think? Have I converted you into a Hello Kitty maniac? What other products do you think would be perfect stamped with a Hello Kitty?