Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Time of the Month Tiger

Time of the Month Tiger - I will kill for chocolate

I'd like to draw your attention to the new meme that gives voice to your worst period woes, including dropping your last tampon in the toilet, feeling like your uterus got stabbed, and the "unexpected goodbye leak," as only a man-eating tiger can.



So get creative and make your own Time of the Month memes to send to your friends. What slogan would you put in?

I must say I do sometimes wish I lived back in ye olden days. Cures for menstrual pains included a patented medicine called 'Cardui.' This testimonial from a booklet entitled Cardui medicine for difficult menstruation, leucorrhea, backache, headache, dizziness and general female diseases 1874 says:



"When I was sick at each month I would stay in bed because my back would ache and my head would swim so that I would almost faint when I stood on my feet. I endured this for three years. Then I went to a doctor. He did not help me much. Then he recommended Cardui and I began to take it. I took about a bottle and felt much better [I bet you did love] I have now taken several bottles and feel just all right. I have no backache, headache or dizziness anymore and would recommend Cardui to anyone."

Of course Cardui cured the aches - the stuff was 19% alcohol by volume, 38 proof; that's stronger than wine.

Now where can I get my hands on some Cardui ....?



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Monday, October 25, 2010

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS NUN?


For most of the year Sr. Ignacia is a good nun - docile, sweet and pure. But around Halloween some wicked impulse takes over and she finds herself scaling the walls of the convent and mixing with the town's more nefarious inhabitants.

If you have seen her please inform her Mother Superior at your earliest convenience. If you see her about town please do not take advantage of Sr. Ignacia's guile and innocence ....










 Please act now. Her soul IS IN MORTAL PERIL. If you've seen her please call:

0800-NUN-WATCH

Call now! If you do not Sr. Ignacia's soul is at risk of burning in hell's eternal flames.





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Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Countdown to Halloween

Halloween 2009 was a bit crap (yes that's me in the frightwig)

Okay so we've all made mistakes. We've all thought we could cut corners on our Halloween costumes and buy nylon $5 wigs and get away with it haven't we? Last year was not one hundred per cent on the Halloween costume front. I'm prepared to accept that skimping and scraping didn't give me the desired result to wow the suburban crowd around here. Some of them even asked "Who are you meant to be?" Ho hum. So this year is going to be big. It's going to be huge. I'm going to start work on my Halloween costume right now and I want your input.

At the moment I'm thinking of being:

1.Large Scary Lady with human crotch



2. Sexy Straight Jacket (downside: not being able to drink wine or stuff face full of candy)


3. Saucy Girl Scout - Does Anyone Want To Buy Any Cookies?



4. Life Sized Sock Money (Problem: I'm not a very good knitter)




5. Flying Monkey from Wizard of Oz - I love this but how do I get myself to fly?




6. Air on a C-String. Had no idea what a C-string was until VeryBored explained the ins and outs of this new fangled device for ladies who are nuts. (Downside: pretty sure I don't have the arse to carry this off).




7. Posh n Becks Skeleton Sandwich (problems: need to find a David Beckham lookalike in a few weeks. Any offers? Also need to lose 80lb)




So let's have your votes. Think carefully here about the pros and cons of each outfit. Any other ideas more than welcome. And what about you - what are you going to be this year?


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