Saturday, November 30, 2013

Diary of Popcorn the Pardoned Turkey

turkey voting

Hi my name is Popcorn and I am a turkey living in Morven Park's Turkey Hill Farm in the good ole US of A.

This is my diary from last week:

Monday 25th November

Minding my own business pulling my feathers out of my ginormous breast at the turkey farm. Every turkey knows that Wednesday will be their last day on earth so we're all going a bit crazy. Everyone's hysterically flapping their wings and shrieking "Carpe Diem!"

I have no idea what they're talking about. Apparently some eggheaded turkey explains it means 'seize the day.'

Everyone was running around like headless chickens trying to do stuff they had always had on their Bucket List. For me that involved propositioning a hot turkey called Citronella. I've loved her from afar these last two months. "Hey Citronella!" I squawked, posing nochalently like Ashton Kutcher. "How about a quick snog before we reach our final destination?"

All I got for my trouble was her violently pecking me on the head.

Carpe Diem - what a pile of crap.

Tuesday 26th November

Someone from the White House turns up and starts checking out all us turkeys. I'm bricking it because I reckon he's come to check out which one of us Obama will have on his presidential table come Thanksgiving. He plucks a mate of mine, Caramel, and myself from the throng.

In an amazing twist, we are not to be stuffed. The nation votes on twitter for Caramel or myself. Like in 'The Hunger Games' movie we are both going to be saved. The excitement sweeps the nation.

Wednesday 27th November

All the other turkeys are being packed into trucks ready to be escorted to the Great Golden Turkey Baster in the sky.

Goodbye Citronella! You evil witch!

(how soon love turns to hate)

Thursday 28th November

We have been pardoned by Obama and will not be beheaded. But we have so many fans on twitter and facebook already! Believe me, becoming a celebrity is no walk in the park! Now everyone knows that my favorite song is Halo by Beyonce and that I have irritable bowel syndrome. But in the end it is all worth it. We are now bona fide celebrities and are invited to the White House to meet the Prez and Bo although I'm not keen on dogs.

Friday 29th November

What a week. Caramel and I are looking at properties in Beverley Hills. We have personal assistants to polish our feathers. We are buying bling. We have groupies.

Thanks so much for everyone who voted for us!

We will now be known as Dr Pop and Lil Caramel. Laters suckers!

I'm so famous I'm even being featured on the Moonshine Grid Weekly Challenge: