Friday, April 29, 2011

The Contents of my Fridge

My pal Slummy Single Mummy has tagged me to reveal the contents of my fridge. Now I'm not going to lie: this ain't gonna be pretty. And now I think of it these pictures seem to reveal quite a lot about my (perfectly legal) addictions to chocolate and alcohol. So what the heck, here goes nothing.

Let's start with the freezer compartment shall we?

Those of you not familiar with the Samoa Girl Scouts' Cookie will not know how delicious is it as well as the fact that the cookies are 150 calories per cookie and God knows how much more mixed with the icecream. The stuff in the Tupperware is leftover Easter chocolate and the thing that looks like a chicken is a decapitated chocolate bunny.

Since we recently almost had a tornado here and we've been warned that we may have to hide in the basement for several days and not be able to shop for groceries I have stocked the freezer with staples such as um, gin.

Now moving on to the fridge. Admitedly I do have to go for a shop but even so these items are fairly typical of my daily intake of er nutrients:

"Help I'm trapped in a filthy drawer! Will paint eggs for food."

Nutritional note: Fruits are still fruits even when trapped in a sugary jelly like substance.

When you have gin you must also have mixers and a few bottles of wine in case guests pop in... some beer.

More chewed chocolate.

I know what you're thinking. Where's the veg? Well this is all I have at the mo:

Yes there is some kind of watery stuff floating about in there.

In fact I actually found a sprouted pea in there this morning but threw it out. I did look for it in the bin to take a picture but couldn't find it so this image will have to do. The discovery of the sprout might give some indication of how often I clean out my vegetable drawer.

So now I want you all to show me the contents of your fridges. I don't think anyone can be worse than that but surprise me.

To get the ball rolling I want to see the fridge contents of :

Metropolitan Mum
Mum's Gone To
Glen's Life
A Modern Military Mum cos she's a neat freak and I'd love to see what an alphabetically organised fridge looks like
Very Bored in Catalunya - because I want to see some groovy Spanish packaging
Note From Lapland - because I want to see some groovy Finnish packaging


Tuesday, April 05, 2011

My Weekus Horribilis

Where did my brain go? Last week I lost it. My husband was in Chicago and it can safely be said that the wheels, which were only very loosely attached to the cart in the first place, fell off completely.

We live in a part of Baltimore that is very much like a little village in The Darling Buds of May. Or maybe it's a bit like in the Cheers sitcom where 'you want to go where everyone knows your name!' In any case it's very friendly and quaint, all rambling roses, cottagey houses, bendy windy roads and purple clematis, which is a bit weird I suppose because drive a mile south and the only decorations in the yards are discarded mattresses with their springs hanging out, heroin syringes and used condoms.

The first um incident occurred last Wednesday when the sheer giddy freedom of being a lusty housewife loose in Baltimore when straight to my head. After a gal pal and I enjoyed a boozy lunch and relaxing pedicure I remembered that oh yeah I had to collect the kids from school. Fear not, I successfully achieved that but once we got home realized I had a throbbing headache. So I popped what I thought were two Tylenol. Alas when I looked at the container I realized I'd actually taken a sleeping tablet called Tylenol PM - which is an absolute Godsend, you know, if you actually want to go to sleep. Unfortunately it was 4pm on a Wednesday and I suddenly felt very tired. After deciding that the drive to the girls' ballet class was probably unwise due to the threat of sleeping at the while I decided to lie down on the sofa 'just for a minute.' Three hours later I was shaken awake by my daughter who demanded food. Feeling very guilty indeed I arose and swiftly assembled a nutritious meal (aka mac and cheese from a box).

Now of course, living in America I've been thinking that maybe I could sue Tylenol like that woman who burnt herself on McDonalds coffee because she had no idea coffee was made with boiling water. Indeed the two containers for Tylenol do look startlingly similar. That said I don't think I have much of a case. I will just have to put the PM one in a place I don't visit very much like on the ironing board so that I only access it in an insomnia related emergency.

The other thing that happened was on the Friday my kids went home with another family because it had clear slipped my mind that they had a half day. The problem with living in a happy clappy community I suppose is you know that there will always be someone looking out for your kid so you don't worry too much. I have even, believe it or not, taken a few kids to my house when their parents didn't show up - it's no biggie. But forgeetting the half day somehow seemed like the final straw, and the first step towards senility. Luckily my husband has returned in the nick of time - I have to buy supplies for the girls' Brownie camping trip today and there are 35 items on it - frankly, I think doing it solo would have tipped me over the edge.

I have absolutely no idea how anyone has more than one kid. Have you ever accidentally mislaid one of your kids or taken one pill in lieu of another with disastrous consequences? Feel free to share!