Wednesday, March 21, 2012

If Guinea Pigs Could Tweet

My Direct2Mum blogger badge
This is a fab new idea for a meme from Slummy Single Mummy.

You can read all about it by clicking on the badge but the bottom line is we’re going to attempt to summarise our week in seven tweets. They can be tweets you actually sent or just a 140 character summary that you write in retrospect. Can’t be that hard, right?

Now, it's not often that something bites me in the bum and inspires me but this idea lit a flame under my tush. I have to say I don't want to give you my own week of tweets as nothing much happened apart from me having a blocked toilet, but what about tweeting as the Queen, Kate Middleton or Graham Norton? The sky is literally the limit! So whose weekly tweets to try? Obvious really. I have adored my kids' guinea pigs for six months now. So why not ask one of them - the Alpha Female Marshmallow - to give me her week in tweets?


So here we go, I give you Marshmallow - superstar extrordinaire - putting paw to keyboard to give you her tweets. She is forced to share a cage with her brown colored pal Peanut. I hope this week in tweets will show, once and for all, that guinea pigs have a lot going on between their ears.

Hi, Marshmallow speaking

My nemesis - Peanut - don't be fooled by the innocent face

Marshmallow's Week in Tweets

Monday - Peanut has been farting uncontrollably all day. I told her she had a mung bean intolerance but she doesn't listen. Made her sleep in the other hut

Tuesday - We were let out of the cage today and Peanut chewed through some electric wires and then looked innocent & blamed it on me. I got shouted at!

Wednesday - Decided enough is enough. Buried Peanut in bedding and didn't answer when she wittered on about whether we'd be getting hay cookies today or just plain old guinea pig food

Thursday - No more Mr Nice Guy. I was having a nap while we were fed and Peanut ate all the strawberries and peed excessively on every surface. This is war.

Friday - Peanut is molting all over the place. At this rate I will be able to spin wool out of her fur and knit a hat with ear flaps out of it

Saturday - Peanut taken out to have her nails clipped. She came back looking depressed but I told her one has to suffer for beauty. She farted in reply

Sunday - Peed on Peanut's food dish to show her once and for all that I'm King Pig around here.

Now, next step, Marshmallow would really love it if you joined in. If you do fancy taking part, grab the badge and start writing.
What have you been doing this week? Give me your week in tweets (or your daughter's, pet's or famous pal's) Please leave your link below! Marshmallow and I promise to read them all.


Monday, March 12, 2012

Coping with the Black Hole of Calcutta

A funnel cake
Well my husband has been away for a couple of weeks and I have basically been held hostage by two of the most manipulative little so and so's on the planet. They have exploited my weak nature and taken me for every penny in treats, shopping expeditions, cinema trips, trips to have pedicures etc. Especially in respect to procuring junk food from me they have been remarkably successful. My husband usually limits takeouts to once a week but I'm afraid in his absence that we have rather been keeping the local Chinese takeaway in business.

We all have our list of devil foods as far as nutrition is concerned - a donut being the unhealthiest food in the world or maybe a funnel cake (deep fried batter sprinkled with sugar if you're interested) - and even if the kids beg and howl I don't really cave to buying chocolate, candy or ice cream.

But like many poor suckers I am seduced by posters of healthy looking people jogging amongst large berries such as in the TCBY campaigan. So the kiddos have found my soft spot to buying them crap: if they ask for frozen yogurt they know I can't really say no. And while frozen yogurt like TCBY has 98 percent fat free vanilla, which weighs in at 120 calories, 2g fat and 17g of sugar the reality is that Ben & Jerry's frozen yogurt is basically on par with 130 calories, 1.5g fat and 16g of sugar in half a cup of their vanilla frozen yogurt. Which is okay I suppose. But throw on sliced banana and a sprinkling of shredded coconut and you're looking at 530 calories. That's more than an entire pint of Ben & Jerry's vanilla frozen yogurt (520 calories)!!!

But still...although it actually makes no sense calorie-wise I don't care if they occasionally have a tub of frozen yogurt even if the nutritional benefits cancel themselves out when drowned in fudge sauce and M&Ms.

I would like it if for harassed mums there was alcohol laced frozen yogurt...cocktails in a frozen yogurt swirl. Sex on the Beach in a cone. If anyone out there is listening....this is a must for the dietary conscious mum!

So I am looking forward to my husband's return as he will be able to curb their junk food enthusiasms. Also...he went to Calcutta...and left me with a black hole of Calcutta of my own. He said I'd blocked the loo on my floor by putting too much toilet roll in it and had taken up the toilet before he left and was 'fixing it.' And then he left for two weeks leaving me with a black hole and nowhere convenient to pee. Don't worry we have other loos on other floors but this was a bit of a nightmare I can tell you!

Now I come to think of it I have gotten pretty fit since I have to jog either upstairs or downstairs every time I want to go to the toilet.

When he gets back he is going to get an earful! And he will be forced to put the damn toilet together, preferably installing some interesting variation like this:

I mean, come toilet and kids hassling me for junk food 24/7. I am this close to cracking up. In fact a few Easters ago I actually found myself having an out of body experience and ate a whole Easter Basket... Don't want it to happen again this year so hurry back hubby dear. Read all about it at my blog over at Diet-to-Go - and do pop on over if to tell me if you've ever had an out of body chocolate experience!

And what about you? Do you find things go to hell in a hand basket when your husband or other half is out of town? What kinds of items do you find yourself buying for the scamps that are usually vetoed by your more sensible other half?