Wednesday, May 02, 2012

When Good Brains Go Bad




I found it strangely endearing to hear that the megamillionairess, eater of wheatgrass and fashion designer Victoria Beckham drove her son to school this week without remembering to put him in the car. I reckon Posh was sleep-deprived when she started to drive her son Brooklyn to school and got halfway there before realizing he was, you know, actually in the car.

"I jumped in my Range Rover, put the car seat in, put my iPod on and drove to school. And then I realised I'd left Brooklyn in the kitchen! I was driving along, talking away, and all of a sudden, I looked down at the seat, and I was like: "Shit! Shit! I've forgot something,'" she said. "Harper was in the car, I was in the car, and we were on the way to school – but we did not have the child who needed to go to school. I got down the road, and literally had to turn and drive straight back."

It's not that big a deal because Brooklyn is 13, but I did feel better knowing Posh had her moments of weakness albeit not as a food fiend like moi - no doubt she would be able to withstand truffling down a raspberry pavlova if it were shoved under her nose, but still.

Now, I must say I never actually left a kid at home by accident and drove off into the wide blue yonder so I'll give myself a pat on the back for that. I did though have a moment of senility fairly recently at 3pm when I had a headache and decided to take a Tylenol but instead took a Tylenol PM by mistake. I told the kids "I'll be fine, I can still drive you to Brownies." Moments later I was asleep. Happens to everyone, right?

Indeed it is most unfortunate that I do seem to be suffering more and more from Mummy Jelly Brain and while Posh might be forgiven because she still has a baby that wakes her at night my suffering from Mummy Jelly Brain is a tad more worrying since it is nine years after I last pushed a metaphorical watermelon through the eye of a needle.

You know what I mean about going Jelly Brained? I sometimes find myself:

- using shampoo on my face and putting face lotion in my hair.

- putting conditioner on my hair, rinsing it out, then wondering whether I put conditioner on my hair in the first place and putting more on.

- waking up not knowing what day of the week or even month it is.

- walking into a room looking for something and then not remembering what the hell I went in for.

- Drawing blanks on the names of mums at the school gates who I have known as acquaintances for five years - or their kids' names WTF?

The list goes on. Do you suffer from Mummy Jelly Brain? What are your finest moments?
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25 comments:

dulwich divorcee said...

A friend confessed the other day she'd left her 4-week old daughter under the table in a restaurant. The table had a long cloth and she forgot all about her until the waiter came running down the street with the baby in the carseat. The daughter is now 16 but my friend hasn't quite got over it .....

EmmaK said...

Dulwich Divorcee....Wow!! I reckon she was sleep deprived. I just wonder if I can blame my Jelly Brain on the fact I gave birth nine years ago or is this just early Alzheimers?

Katriina said...

I've always been a bit of a blonde ditz, even before I could blame it on motherhood. About 15 years ago, when I was in my early 20s, a friend was showing me his portable MP3 player with those tiny bud earphones that were a really new thing at the time. He was earnestly telling me about a study that showed you could get optimal sound quality by putting the earbuds in your nose and allowing the sound to reverberate through the bones of your head. He said, "Go on, have a go!" and God help me, I totally fell for it. Naturally, he had his camera ready, and he loves to torture me with that photo, while he and my husband kill themselves laughing...

Steve said...

I think they were just auditioning for a Home Alone remake.

Gorilla Bananas said...

"A jelly brain is better than a jelly arse," said someone famous who liked a taut buns.

Expat mum said...

Oh god, where to start. My kids actually impersonate me these days - standing in front of an open fridge saying "Just what was I looking for?' or running around with my sunglasses on the top of my head, looking for them. You know the sort of stuff. Sigh!

Nota Bene said...

I've forgoteen how many times I've forgotten things...and the forgetfulness seems to be more and more frequent...

Kel said...

I was still vague from pregnancy #1 (even though she's 3 now!) and here I am, preggers again and even more vague than ever before! I'm not much of a conversationalist these days, and I'm not much of a house keeper either - I'm afraid that if I put too many things away I'll forget where I put them. Only important things though...like my clothes.
P.s: my 'I'm not a robot so I will type these words in' was Licabl whilay. I may be vague, but holy shit that is funny!!

kabuki zero said...

kabuki tends to remember everything, which frightens most of kabukis' friends. alas

AliceHarold said...

I never know what bloody month it is! So glad it's not just me. I also hate how things like Bank Holidays and weekends lose all meaning (no lie in, woe!)

EmmaK said...

Kabuki zero.....what is the secret of a brilliant memory oh wise one? Is it the liberal use of sparkly eyeshadow or that you have not pressed a watermelon through the eye of a needle??

Claire Hatcher said...

Was just getting really cross with myself for leaving my half-price, bumper-pack of loo roll in the supermarket car park, when I remembered that I hadn't actually paid for it (just pushed it out on that really useful bottom rung of the trolley).
Seems there are some advantages to losing the plot.

Vicki Psarias said...

Glad to know I'm not the only one with eternal baby brain here!

crunchiemummy said...

Posh is most definitely my hero. I channel her all the time in a WWVBD fashion every time I run into a dilemma. Great post!!

About Last Weekend said...

Wow - that is endearing! And shows that maybe she doesn't have full time help! Jelly brain (and belly) forever with me, constantly finding myself driving to the wrong school and in a room and I don't know why....

Claire Toplis said...

Putting Mint shampoo in a place that it SHOULDN"T go .. my gosh

The Eye said...

Well, seems the spice is not the only one air-headed first thing in the morning... I must confess to taking my kids to school, dropping them off, and whizzing off down the road before unloading their bags / books etc... Only to recieve a call from the school secretary a little later... "Johnny says you wre in such a rush that you dropped him off with all his goodies still in the bot of your car!"

Mary Key said...

My children are 21 and 16 and I still have no brain cells! The first time i ever went out on my own with Splosh in the pram 21 years ago I left him outside the post office (we did that back then!) and then blithely walked home without him! I remembered at the front door (about 500 yards away) and ran back - he was in the shop with the post lady and her family being cooed at!

brain cells are sadly like your virginity - once gone never reclaimed! Some days I barely remember my own name!

Electro-Kevin said...

No. I don't suffer from Mummy Jelly Brain.

Bubbles said...

HAHA! I totally get this! I forget things all the time! Sometimes my mind just shuts down. haha

Suzanne said...

Oh my word this is so me! I have probably done all of the things you mention above...have also put various items that do not belong in the fridge, in the fridge! I have left money in the cash point machine after requesting it and just walking away. I regularly have the mind going black on names...people I know really well! Found you on 'blow your own blog horn' btw. Will keep reading!

Metropolitan Mum said...

I forgot my wedding anniversary. Thank God for nappy brain - no idea what excuse I could have come up with alternatively.

countingblueberries.com said...

My daughter is two and I've been told by my friends that I've started to tune out of conversations! I think I'm just looking to rest my mind whenever I can!

Evie

Anne-Marie Watson said...

What a releif to read your post! I thought I was the only one who put conditioner on instead of shampoo, then couldn't remember which was which! I was laughing so hard then, my son asked me why!! Jelly brain (and jelly-arse) definitely from childbirth on but its 8 years since my last watermelon trick too so no excuses except early onset of AD.I did do a couple of stupid things back then when I was sleep-deprived like drive off with front door open etc so can relate to Posh at least on one thing! Love your work! Keep it up:))

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